My Son the Fashionista

My gay son went clothes shopping because just everything was so not right. He got 2 pairs of very straight legged jeans and I asked him why he got that kind. Didn't they have any gay legged jeans? I got the eye roll (I'm so glad the eye roll is not just a hetero thing, as I'd miss it if one of my kids stopped using it). The jeans were too long and he asked if I could shorten them but he was concerned that it would look "gay" if I just cut them off and hemmed them. I said, I thought "gay" was a good thing. It seems the term gay can mean good or bad. Just like once bad, could mean good or bad. I'm so confused. Anyway I got so excited as I know how to cut the hem off and reattach it so the ratty looking hem looks like its been there always. He says, That's it, that's what I want. He asked how I knew to do this. From Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show, but I figure I could work it as Straight Eye for the Queer Guy. I got a head shack and an eye roll.

This morning he showed me his newest purchase. A hoodie with no sleeves. He was wearing it without another shirt underneath. It was a minty green. I said, Aaron, that's great! You look so gay. He said, I'm going to wear something under it. He comes back later to show me his new look. He's got a blue and white wide striped hooded shirt under the sleeveless hoodie. I told him he reminded me of Gordon MacRae in Carousel. He said, huh? I said, you look like a carnie, you know those guys who work the rides at the fair. He walked away shaking his head, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath.

I'm getting so hip with today's gay fashions. Was Gordon MacRae gay? He sure dressed it.

Some Like It Hot, Others Incendiary

Rob and I went shopping today to buy ingredients for his culinary endeavour today of Chili. As far as I know he has never made chili before. He must have been surfing around FoodNetwork.com and found Alton Brown's chili recipe. So after taking inventory to see what we had and had not, we headed out this morning. But first we went to IKEA as it was free breakfast day and we are all for free. Of course we run into half the police force there getting free breakfast as they always know where free or cheap food is.

So off we go and look for the stuff we need. Rob starts yanking dried chili's off the shelf like it's no tomorrow and laments because we can find one of the recommended peppers from the list. Lamb was too spendy so we got beef and pork only. At home I cut up the meat while he prepares the spices. Rob enjoys anything that has hot peppers in it. Into the crockpot and Rob heads off for a nap as he was out counting homeless people all night.

So now I'm in charge of stirring this every so often. When I take the lid off and the steam hits me, I start to feel like my skin is peeling off. I think it's going to be a little hot.

Shopping for Unmentionables

I went bra shopping with my 13 year old daughter tonight. She is still at that age that it's kind of embarrassing to shop for these. She is a bit self conscious about rifling through the racks and just wants me to hand her a bunch over the fitting room door to try on. So I pick out some really bright colored ones, some stripes, polka dots, flowers and a basic black. I'm no longer allowed in the room nor do I get to see how they look or fit. She gets a couple of colorful bras and the basic black convertible bra. "Oh goody", she says, "I get a black convertible"

I need my windows cleaned, badly

Growing up with metal swingsets and yard darts

I went to the Performing Arts Center the other night and saw the funniest show. It was called the Wonder Bread Years with Pat Hazel. I wanted to add the youtube vid on this but I'm unable to embed it. The url is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjVIpPrGbM0

If you get the chance to see this one man show down memory lane, please go. It was so funny, especially if you were born in the 50's-60's. He talked about how the wonder of life changes as you grow up. About family vacations to see things like 4 corners and the Corn Palace. Riding in the back of the station wagon and not in the seats.

I think about the things we did that my kids don't. We had metal swing sets (and the scars on our foreheads to prove it), my kids had this wooden structure with plastic coated chains and wood shaving to catch their fall. They wear helmets while biking and skating, we use to ride no hands down from Phinney Ave to 8th Ave, shooting thru intersections with just a glance to see if there was a car, sans helmets. We woke up every morning with school or play, that was our day. Now kids have more activities and have to keep a date book to know where they go next. My mother didn't drive, if we wanted to go somewhere we walked, rode our bikes, or took the bus. Now we drive them everywhere for their safety. Speaking of safety, they throw nerf balls, we shot bb's and threw yard darts.

Remember Yard Darts? Those lethal projectiles with a 4 inch long point at the end. You had a hoop on the ground that you lobed these at. Your friend would stand by the hoop and yell about your aim never thinking that they could take one in the eye at any moment.

My dad built us monkey bars. He took old pipes and made this maze of bars that we climbed, swing from, built forts with blankets with. We have for our kids that wooden swing set with a club house with moulded plastic walls and a plastic slide. No amount of waxed paper will get that slide as slick as the old metal ones. We could make the metal ones so slippery you would go shooting off at rocket speeds. And remember burning the backs of your legs when it was so hot?

During the summer, we constructed our own slip and slides with a plastic sheet and the hose. We would leave after breakfast, mom would call out the back door for us to come home for lunch and dinner. We would stay out until the street lights came on, but sometimes we could stay out late for a night game of hide and seek with a whole gang of kids from the neighborhood.

It was a different era. Damn, I sound like an old fart...yeah, yeah, I am!

Issues with Tissues

Toilet paper rolls are so annoying. At home, no one ever finishes the roll. They leave 2 little squares left for the next person and unless Panda the Hamster is squatting over the bowl, there ain't nobody here who thinks that is going to cut it.

And so change the roll! If there is none under the sink, go check the other 2 bathrooms in the house. Still no toilet paper, then tell me. I can pick some up or I might have a hidden stash somewhere.

I hate having to pee while out and about. What gets me are those industrial size rolls of toilet paper in a public restroom. When the roll is new and you have to try and find the start? I swear I need to find the glue they use to stick down that first sheet. I have spent way too much time, bent over with my hand at an awkward angle, trying to get that first sheet started. That is the strongest glue known to man. I could hang siding with that glue. After scratching ineffectively for sometime, I finally resort to tearing into the roll with my nails and coming away with bits of fluff that, while doing the job, they will bits and pieces that scare the crap (figuratively) by looking like maggots in your panties later.

And how you hang it matters apparently, as I found out from these directions. And what was with the brown scratchy stuff I came across in the airport at Amsterdam? Ouch!

* dedicated to Michael at Do you hate it too, who lots of issues with tissues.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

Our Christmas tree has been down and boxed since New Years Day. It's in the hall, it's not in the garage. It's been bugging me.

I decided to put it to good use as a display table for my cranberry glass. How much nicer is this?

*Jan 26 update, tree is in loft in garage, repeat, tree is in loft in garage. Sarcastic remarks worked.

Dedicated to one of my favorite Cats

Cat over at Zipbag of Bones is using her blog as her creative outlet for the most suspenseful bit of writing I've seen in a while. She is very modest about her writing skills but she is creeping me out. Now I'm not sure why a few posts back she wanted a kitten. Perhaps she has some sick plans for it? What do her and Gray get up to?

She is very amusing and I love her sense of humor. So stop on over to visit her and don't forget to read the second installment of her Creative Writing.

If I wasn't such a lame blogger, I'd figure out a cool award to give her. I have to figure that code out sometime.

Wake Up Call

For some insane reason, I have 3 cats. I am allergic to these cats, but hey, you can get used to anything, right? Most of the time, the cats and I live in harmony. I spend a good part of my day feeding them, letting them into the house, letting them out of the house, letting them into... Well you get the picture.

They pay me back for my love and dedication with little things. Like hanging from the curtains, tearing up the carpet, shitting in Nicole's hat, making a gigantic hole in my love seat. But sometimes they are warm and affectionate.

Cleo and Charlie like to sleep on my bed. I don't like them to do this, but Rob has let them do this so often it is now what they expect to do. Our bed is barely big enough for the 2 of us much less 2 cats that like to lay in the exact spot you want to keep your feet.

I've tried tossing them out but they scratch and meow and tear up the carpet until I think my head will explode trying to ignore them until they go away. Sometimes I throw them outside into the night but it's cold and I'm not completely heartless.

Something happened at 4am this morning. Maybe Rob or I moved and disturbed one of them or maybe Charlie was being the alpha cat again but there was a cat fight on our bed. Complete with growls, hisses, scratching and biting. Rob and I woke up terrified sure that blood would be shed (namely ours). We both flip on the lights and by now the cats are looking at us like "what?" This was much worse than when the cats would fight in the box spring.

I tossed their furry little asses outside and settled back to bed. 10 minutes later, Fig starts scratching at the door, then meowing, then tearing the carpet. He ended up sleeping on my chest.

As We Look Forward

Dairy Opportunities: Cheese is our friend

Do you ever think about cheese? Daughter Nicole and I think about cheese alot. We like to try new cheeses, try new cheese recipes, or just enjoy a piece of cheese.

When you think about it, it's pretty disgusting. Made from milk is good, but the curdling with bacteria from the stomach of a cow. It's too grim to dwell on. And the fact that some of the best cheese is riddled with mold. Any other food, we would tossing that gross piece of shit out, but not our cheese. Emm, love the stinky cheese.

We don't venture out too far as cheeses go on our regular purchases because some cheese is very expensive. It's hard to justify paying lots of money for mold and bacteria so we stick to our favorite mostly - Tillamook Cheddar. I buy the big loaf and we have at it. We slice it, we shred it, we melt it. Even Figaro the Cat loves the cheddar. He will stand under the Kitchen Aid mixer with the grater attachment whirling away hoping for a curl or two to drop down for him. (I usually give him a bite or two.)

I grate a huge container full, as freshly grated is so much better than the packaged grated stuff that has additives to keep it from sticking together...ewww. This way we have it for taco's, chips, salads, soups, etc. But our all time favorite use for this heavenly stuff is on our popcorn. I make popcorn on the stove (none of that crap for the microwave, please!) and as soon as it hits the bowl, we sprinkled a bit of melted butter, a bit of salt and the freshly grated cheddar. Toss and eat. We look for Dairy Opportunities where ever we can!

Hey, a way to waste some more time

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Chris

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Chrizzle

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: :(fav color & fav animal) Green Cow

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street) Ida Street (er, its a number, like that's gonna work!)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Onichstr

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink) Green Mike's

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother's middle name and father's middle name ) Laureen Mayer

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Figaro

9. YOUR DRINK NAME: (FAV. FRUIT AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF MOM FIRST NAME AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF DAD FIRST NAME) Watermelon Helwin



*courtesy of Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

Freedom from Religion

I'm all for freedom of religion. I think everyone should be able to believe or not if they want. I think this freedom is very important to our country. Please feel free to glory in your beliefs but please god, don't come knocking at my door after dark when we are having a rash of burglaries in my neighborhood.

Every few weeks, a duet of neatly dressed young men come a knocking at my door wanting to save me from my sins or something. Every time I ask them to go away and please don't come back. Put me on your "do not knock" list. But still they come.

Once when my sister was visiting from Norway, she answered my door for me and spoke to the nice young men in Norwegian and broken English. I could barely contain myself as she sent them on their way. For about 2 years they stayed away. They're BACK!

Of course there is another out there lurking in the bushes. They are the Church of Vinyl Windows. They want to save me too.

PDA's and the Magic of 3

Nicole and a friend were complaining about PDA's (Public Displays of Affection). There are 3 seventh grade girls who are professed lesbians and walk around holding hands. Yes, a middle school gay menage a trois.

Nicole and friend didn't think the lesbian thing was odd or the threesome, it was the public display of affection that they thought was over the top. They went on and on about how they don't think people should be seen holding hands or god forbid, kissing.

When I was 13 I would have been grossed out about the lesbian thing and freaked by the threesome! Times, they are a changin'.

The Bar Scene

I'm sitting at my temp job, gazing out the window at the bar across the street. The name of the bar is the Spot Tavern. And since this is the bar my hubby and I had our first date at, it brings to mind that special "spot" I have that makes me all tingly. Not that "spot", my funny bone!

So I started to think about some of the other bars in the area and their names:

Pounders: It's not but wouldn't that make a good name for a gay bar?

Back Door Pub: Again, wouldn't that be good for a gay bar?

Yardarm Pub: It's just got to be a pirate bar. I'm going to find my eye patch and peg leg and head over. ARGH!

Doofer Bar: Hey, even idiots need a place to drink.

Stumbling Monk: I have visions of tonsured men in robes.

Pied Piper: A bunch of rats, drinking beer, playing poker and smoking.

Whammy Bar: A sleezy version of the Hard Rock Cafe.

Locker Room Tavern: Guys in boxers snapping towels at each other.

Flotation Device Pub: Since we've had so much flooding recently, this bar is for hardcores who don't want to stop drinking even though the river is swirling around their knees.

Shotze Rack and Roll: Sitting amidst the deer heads on the walls, these mighty hunters roll their own, while discussing how big their decks are.

Textitude, Why Moms Get Pissed Off

I've got two teenagers. Their favorite form of communication is text messaging. Nicole does about 5,000 texts a month. Aaron is a bit less. Aaron is a bit older and has learned that talking to someone can get a quicker response. Nicole loves to be able to "talk" with 6 people at once. Nicole turns her phone off during the school day (ok, this is the rule at middle school, but she seems to be texting me during these hours somehow). I don't text much and I don't have my phone permanently attached to my hand so I miss alot of their communications if I haven't checked my purse recently.

I was talking with Nikki and some of her friends the other day and they were complaining that their moms were all over them about their attitude. That their mom was reading to much into their text responses and getting all "up there" or some such term that I have no idea what it means. Thank god for the Urban Dictionary.

I ask these girls, who text each other nonstop, even when they are sitting next to each other, what they text that piss their moms off. It's too much slang or texting shorthand, you know those acronyms that you can never figure out. Like OMDB, which I figure means Open Many Dogs Butts, but Nikki says means, Over My Dead Body. I said, "maybe because we can't translate WTF you are trying to say. " I explained that there could be multiple definitions for each shortcut. And then there is the emoticons! ;p Trying to figure that out makes us drool or leaves us shocked :-0

But the biggest problem all the mothers had was the one word response:

WHATEVER

That one word has so much attitude. It seeps of attitude. Just because we can't see you roll your eyes when you text this, doesn't mean we are stupid.

Horrorscopes

I don't hold much faith in the cosmos (unless we are talking the drink or the magazine), but occasionally I will read the one in my local paper just out of curiosity. Yeah yeah, true believers don't go by the newspaper crap either but this is my story!

I'm a Capricorn and today's horoscope said: Don't let anyone who is ill experienced control your resources no matter how much the person means to you.
Now I control the money in our family and I trust myself completely so this must be referring to my family jewels. Now the only one allowed access to those is my hubby, so I cruise on over to his horoscope and this is what it says:

Scorpio: It might be just wishful thinking to believe a new tactic is more innovative. Give it a test run before discarding anything you've been using that works. So here is my worry. Is he going to try spicing things up with something new that is going to make me run screaming from the bedroom, shouting, "take that leather mask off, you freak" (he knows I'm the only one who gets to wear that!) or will I say, "move your head honey, I can't see the TV"?

More than likely this is not about something so fun but mine would be about my son who wishes he was in charge of my resources, my cash resources. He checks the pockets of all the coats in house (even when we have guests) and the sofa cushions, the washer, the dryer and inside my car for spare change. And I'm guessing Rob's is really about some new biking technique that will bring him ever closer to the Tour de France.

Maybe I should try tea leaf readings...

Rodents Of Unusual Size - R.O.U.S.

Everyone knows we have 3 cats but I've never mentioned our dirty little secret we keep hidden in an upstairs room in the dark. Yes, we have a hamster*.

Nicole's friend's 2 male hamsters* had babies. Yes, they were told they were 2 boys but they were wrong!! So they quickly separated the mom and babies from dad and went about the process of offering up cute cuddly rodents to all her friends. Nicole begged and begged. Of course we said yes. We always say yes, because we are idiots, er, indulgent parents. We tracked down the old fish tank/lizard tank/snake tank and set up a nice little home.

Soon the babies were able to leave the nest and venture forth to their new homes. Nicole thought the spots on her cutie were reminiscent of those giant rodents of China hence the name Panda. Panda was so adorable, with his/her twitchy nose and fluffiness. (We can't tell the sex, I tried to check but unless the animal is hung like a horse, I feel trying to check closer is a violation and I could be arrested for bestiality.) So I will just refer to Panda as he. Panda had a water bottle, a food dish, a house, chew blocks, an exercise wheel, and a basket with a cute pillow. Panda ignored the chew blocks and destroyed the basket and pillow. The top of the tank is made of wire mesh to let air in. Nicole thought the lid was heavy enough on its own to keep Panda in.

One day Panda escaped. He climbed his water bottle, pushed the lid off and scampered away. When you live with 3 cats, a loose rodent in the house is in grave danger. Nicole was in a panic. I figured if he was a smart hamster, he would hid in her room. Nicole lives in the attic. Her room is an add on done by unprofessionals and is probably not up to code. It is the space above the garage and laundry room and around the edges its not quite finished. Meaning you can see right down into these spaces. If he fell down there, well, good luck to him!

But as luck would have it, Nicole is trying to slumber in her bed when she hears noises in the storage closet that runs the length of her room. She sees him hiding in there by shining a flashlight and his eyes glow back. Nik makes a trail of yogurt chips (yes they made special yogurt chips for hamsters*.) and he comes out, safe and sound. The next day, I got clips for the tank lid.

Now Panda has been around for a couple of years now. He is no longer in Nicole's room because he was keeping her up at night racing in his wheel. We put him in the guest room for a while, but when we had guests, they were kept up by his constant spinning. So now Panda resides in my sewing/craft room (this makes it a sewing/craft/animal sanctuary room, I guess). Nicole is no longer interested in cuddles with Panda. She feeds him, waters him and cleans his tank. I spend time chatting with him when I'm sewing or crafting but mostly he is alone, spinning at night, sleeping all day.

One day Nicole announced that she wants a hedgehog. That she has researched them and will save her money to buy one (expensive rodents!). I said no way are you going to get another rodent. She says, "What if Panda dies?" I said, "No, not even if the autopsy says it was natural causes." So I'm a bad mom. Then last week, Aaron tells me that his boyfriend's mom is going to give him a present. A teacup pomeranian puppy. She is going to breed her dog and since she loves my son, she is going to give him a gift.

The cats will eat it. We will have to get another fish tank to keep it in for safety!

You have to admit, they are damn cute.

* this post edited to correct the identification of the rodent from guinea pig to hamster as moron who wrote the post can't tell the difference

Blowing off the Snow

During the next heavy snow fall, there is an economical way to keep that roof clean of all that heavy snow.

My 100th Post

So this is my 100 blog post. So here are 100 very random things about me.

1. My first words were moo and cow
2. My shoe size is 11
3. I studied 3 foreign languages and remember none of them
4. I am tone deaf
5. I taught myself to sew at 13
6. I had a reading problem until 3rd grade
7. I have been married twice
8. I don't like coconut
9. The taste of Dr Pepper makes me gag
10. I usually sneeze more than 3 times before stopping
11. I can't snap my fingers
12. I can wiggle my eyebrows one at a time
13. I don't actually have any eyebrows
14. I pencil in eyebrows on my face
15. I have 3 cats at this time
16. As a small child I used to fill my pockets with worms to freak my mother out
17. I was once stung by a hornet on my crotch
18. My little fingers are really short
19. My big toes are REALLY big
20. I have yellow green eyes
21. My hair is curly on the left side only
22. I hit a tree inner tubing while pregnant
23. I have 3 kids
24. A neighbor's cat once gave birth in my lap
25. Our dog gave birth to 3 puppies in my bed while I slept
26. I broke my foot by stepping wrong on one stair
27. I stood in the rain with a broken foot to see President Carter's plane land at Boeing Field
28. I saw Elton John in concert in 1975
29. I have never gambled in a casino
30. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 20
31. I use to own my own bowling bag and bowling shoes
32. I never got to be an angel in the nativity at church as a child even tho I asked to be one every year
33. I didn't learn to swim until I was 13
34. I get anxiety attacks when I think about boating
35. I once rode in a police car going 95 miles an hour
36. I have never been arrested
37. I have been bonded for $1.5 million
38. I found my first gray hair the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest
39. I have 2 stamps in my passport, both are from Amsterdam
40. I used to attend professional wrestling events
41. I went to the final game of the 1977 World Series game in NY
42. I love pirates
43. I went to the World Fair in 1962
44. By the time I was 6, all my grand parents had passed away
45. I was a school paste eater
46. I failed at learning to play the guitar (tone deaf issue)
47. I once knitted 30 hats in 30 days
48. I am a Girl Scout Leader to 2 troops
49. I slipped on a banana slug, fell on it and slid down a hill. The slime never came out of my jeans
50. A hamster bit my finger and it's teeth went thru my skin and back out
51. I've had nerve damage on my finger
52. I hitch hiked only once when I was 15
53. I desecrated the altar at a local catholic church
54. Riding Amtrak from Baltimore to NYC, I had to sit on my suitcase in the aisle the whole way
55. I got stuck in an old fashioned elevator with a gate and had to climb up and out while very inebriated
56. I like to put grated cheddar cheese on my popcorn
57. I held a snake while it got an injection
58. I think nuts ruin chocolate
59. I have voted in 9 presidential elections
60. 2008 was the first year my candidate won
61. I moved 21 times in 12 years during my first marriage
62. I moved once since marrying Rob
63. I was born in Seattle
64. I moved twice to New Jersey
65. I have driven across the US, coast to coast 7 times
66. I lived in Portland Oregon in 1987
67. I went to Ballard High School Class of '76
68. I attended my 10th, 20th and 30th HS reunions
69. My current favorite movie is Hairspray
70. My mp3 player has 232 songs on it
71. About 40 of these are songs I allowed my husband to add
72. I was married the first time 12 years
73. I was happy only about 6 of those years
74. I drive a Toyota Sienna Minivan
75. My favorite color is currently green, it used to be red
76. I do the crossword and sudoku in the newspaper everyday
77. I like trying new ethnic restaurants
78. I do not like going to trendy chain restaurants except Red Robin
79. My favorite drink is Gin and Tonic
80. I like camping in a tent
81. I own 15 marshmallow toasting forks
82. My backyard lawn is mostly moss
83. I like it when my cats kill mice and rats
84. I like visiting the ocean in winter
85. I read everyday, I usually have 2 books I am reading at any one time
86. My sewing machine cost more than both my son's and daughter's first cars together cost
87. I love shows about home improvement
88. I have no interior decorating sense whatsoever
89. I am a "crafty" person, papercrafts, needlework, beading, polymer clay, I like to try new things
90. My sister almost drowned me when I was 4
91. My father died on my 20th birthday, I was just 4 hours engaged
92. I can't roller or ice skate
93. I am scared of climbing more than 2 steps on a step ladder
94. I only enjoy the audition episodes on American Idol
95. I used to own Sony Betamax and could never rent movies until I got a VHS tape player
96. I suck at video games
97. I have flat feet
98. I have visited the Corn Palace in Mitchel, SD
99. I liked to dress like a Nun and take my daughter out Trick or Treating while drinking hot buttered rums
100. I count my blessings everyday and am amazed how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life

If you got to the end without dozing off, good for you! It took me 2 days to write this. Thank god this blogging milestone is over. I'll try not to bore you again and not do something that I thought was expected from a blogger.

I've lost it

At one time (I can't remember when now, which is part of the problem) I was queen of the house. I knew where everything was. I could find anything. Part of this was logic and part was a fantastic memory. Everyone came to Mom when they couldn't find something and I would magically produce what they were searching for.

When I was younger, I was great at card games. I could remember what cards were played or discarded like in Rummy, Crazy Eights, Uno, etc. It got so no one wanted to play with me. I also was very good at Trivial Pursuit because I would remember the most random things. Now I can't remember if I fed the cats this morning. Ok, I can remember that but the cats would like me to forget it and feed them again.

But what bugs me is that I can't remember where I put things anymore. This not to be confused with "safe places". This is just like where I set down my glasses kind of thing. It's like a huge version of "I came into this room for something, but can't remember what" syndrome. I'm a visualization person. In my minds eye, I see my world. I see where things are, what has to be done, what things should look like. Lately it's like everything is in my peripheral vision, just on the edge and if I turn my head sharply I might glimpse it. So that's what I've been doing but I'm just getting whiplash! I tried writing down things on a to-do list or a where did I put that list, but I can't remember where I left my note pad. That reminds me that I can't find my purse size date calendar. It still has 7 months left on it and I remember taking it out of my purse to make room for other important things and put it in a "safe place" (those damn safe places again!)

In truth, I know what my problem is, it's organization. So although it's Jan 6th (better late than never?), I am now making a resolution to be more organized. To make some sense of the chaos of my life. I'll get started as soon as I find my damn note pad.

Back to School!

Last night it started snowing and it was really coming down. I drove a couple of miles away to pick up my daughter and realized how slick it was. There were several cars stuck or in the ditch. I was a bit shaken by the time I got to our friends' house and was nervous about the drive home. But what really had me on edge was how this was going to affect getting those kids back to school the next morning.

I get home and check my emails for news from Mayor Pete who likes to keep us all up to date on how the weather is affecting our fair city. I also checked to see if the school district had made any decisions on starting late or closing. The news was like - oh, it will be gone by morning.

It wasn't gone by morning but it wasn't bad. When Rob got up, I turned on the news and found out schools were just one hour late! Yeah they are going back! Rob rode his bike down the hill to the train so I got to sleep in (HEY! I would have happily taken him to the train, as I hate having to scrape his prone body off the pavement but he loves those bikes!)

So the kids are at school, hubby is safe at work. It's me and the cats, a cup of coffee and the house a mess with still some Christmas stuff to put away and the general disorder that having Nicole home for over 2 weeks causes (and me not keeping on top of it as I'm having fun with the her). Nicole leaves a trail where ever she goes. Aaron is neat and is hardly home.

Purple Chicken

We had purple chicken for dinner tonight.

Rob likes to cook on the weekends and try new things. We have been bitching about the amount of alcohol we have in the house, not the lack there of, but the over whelming amount still left over from the Wedding of the Century. I know, I know, there is no such thing as too much booze, right? Well, we are not that big of drinkers! Yes it is hard to believe, especially if you were at my birthday party last January and saw the state I was in but in reality we are just normally goofy and don't require booze to make it so.

We have a bunch of wine leftover, red and white. I'm sure there are other more technical names for the type of wines they are but we are not connoisseurs so fuck off. I don't mind a glass of white but I haven't developed a taste for many reds. Ya ya ya, red wine is suppose to be good for you, blah blah blah. I drink things that are good for me. There is a wedge of lime in my Gin and Tonic. Lime is good for you, prevents scurvy. And gin is made from juniper berries and technically that is a vegetable or maybe it's a fruit, either way, its yummy and healthy, right?

So Rob asks me what should he make this weekend. I thought Coq au Vin or drunken chicken. Rob shops for all the ingredients, as all we had was wine. It's a 2 day recipe according to the God of Cooking, as Rob calls Alton Brown. I had to make room in the fridge for this poor bird to soak in a red wine bath. Then today it had to stew in the oven for hours. I have to say the smell was not appealing and Nicole and I were wondering if we had any chips and salsa leftover for a back up dinner.

Rob slaved away and strained and reduced and voila! Dinner was served. It was excellent. Did not taste like nasty red wine but was a blend of flavors and the chicken was oh so tender. Nicole and I gave it 2 thumbs up!

I'm going to start calling Rob, Julia Child. Maybe tomorrow he will make croissants. (don't even go there, I have made croissants and not the one's from the pillbury dough boy either, and you have to start a day ahead of time. The french must be cooking all the time, who has time to eat!)

December Keyword Searches

Here are some of my favorite keyword searches from Google Analytics that brought people to my blog.

brain kelly - I'm thinking someone can't spell and was looking for Brian Kelly the actor?

brainmoss.com - I checked, there isn't a website, they got me instead. Reading my blog will give you brain moss, I'm sure.

can a cat have a health problem when they want to lay on the heater vents? - If this was true, then all my cats are sick. Cats get cold too, duh!

can cats have miracle whip- the answer is yes, but they have a problem with the jar, get the squeeze version.

cats ate eyes - I want to know what these people did to have eyes lying around.

every other life house shit - I'm figuring this was a direct link to my blog?

how can mice get into the blower area of a furnace - mice can get anywhere. Beware the hantavirus!!

how to shoplift at ross - It was easy, they did it for me. I tried to pay for it, they just bagged it!

how to stop cats walking over my car - stop parking under the cats!

is it ok to go tubing in the snow if you are pregnant? - yes, just don't hit a tree!

my cosmo girls + bondage - more perverts making random visits.

pick up artist unemployed - Was this an inquiry for a personal ad?

pickup artist for kids - Same as above, but for pedophiles?

picture of cats real brain - They got my blog, because cats don't have real brains!

shit graphic - I write graphic shit, I don't post photos of it!!

shit on a stick and call it my life - Should I post a Suicide Hotline number?

smelling womens underwear - more perverts came to call

walking round in my undies - Don't we all do this?

when this shit get in my brain - I hope I helped this person, they visited eleven times!

Facebook?!?

What is the big deal with Facebook? Lots of people told me I needed to be on Facebook. So I signed up. Somehow it went thru my address book and offered me the opportunity to be "friends" with anyone who I have in my contacts. Oh joy! I did send a request to be friends to a few people. I also got a random request from some loser that I did not know.

Now that I'm there, I don't see the point. So far, people have thrown snow balls at me (WTF?), poked me (more WTF) and it asks me what I'd doing right now and thinks I need to post it...Chris is being a mouse potato, duh! or some such nonsense.

I did put my blog address on my profile. Now, according to Google Analytics, people are coming to my blog and lurking around. No one new has commented and I got weirded out by not knowing who is watching me. I went back to Facebook and checked more into Privacy settings and now feel more secure that only friends can see my information. It's hard being a virgin.

I'm not sure I'll keep my Facebook page. It's kind of pointless as I'm not trying to network for a new job or find new friends. I much prefer lurking around blogs and peeking in at strangers lives without really knowing much reality about them. It's like dating, you can pretend to be anything you want, you just don't want anyone to move in and find out about the real you.