I'm Back!.....

It's been over a year since I last posted. Lots of things have changed in my life in the last 18 months. I've lost over 130 lbs. This has changed me completely. Not just in appearance but in my whole outlook on life. I'm not in constant pain from my joints that were protesting the abuse I was giving them being so heavy. My days had no purpose and I was wallowing in self pity.

Now I have a job at a local high school making costumes for the Drama dept. I love the sewing and creating for these kids. I'm making jewelry, always a passion of mine and have my own Etsy shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/victoriouscat (shameless plug) I've been exploring the Neo Victorian Steampunk Genre and love working with vintage items and re purposing them into new things.

I exercise now! I'm off my butt and the aches I get now are from sore muscles. I didn't even know I had muscles. I'm loving Zumba and although I have 2 left feet (sometimes it looks like I have 3 left feet), I'm moving and jiggling and sweating and having a ball. Who knew it could be fun to exercise? Not this couch potato but I'm a reformed woman.
I'm not even sure if anyone even remembers that I had a blog but I'm going to try and keep up and post a bunch about my jewelry and other projects. I'm working on a Steampunk Frock Coat that I'm making from a gorgeous brocade jacket.

Isn't life fun?

Muppets are the Best!

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to

I was up at the butt crack of dawn this morning - that's 3:30am, to take my hubs up to meet his friends for a 2 day bike ride. The STP (Seattle to Portland) is a 1 or 2 day 200+ mile road trip for fun. I get the pleasure of taking him on Saturday morning to start and then drive to Portland on Sunday to drag his sorry ass home again. I've started taking Nicole with me so I have someone to talk to on the ride there and back. She gets to do some taxfree shopping at the mall so its a win win situation.

While we were driving at 3:30am this morning Rob and I started talking about small towns and their school systems. He was saying that he is staying in Winlock tonight and they only have one elem, one middle and one high school. This got me thinking about my first steady boyfriend I had when I was 16. He lived a one horse town and was bussed to a 2 horse town for school. All grades were housed in one building. His senior class had 6 students. I came from an inner city high school, we had almost 400 in just our class.

I met Steven at our vacation property. His grandparents had a place there and we met at the lake. It was a last minute summer romance. We decided to stay in touch via the mail. This was a long long time ago, before the Internet. It was snail mail all the way. He lived 50 miles from me, I didn't see him but about once a month or so. But as a teenager I gained ground with my friends as I had an actual boyfriend and none of them did. I was not a very nice girlfriend to him tho, I flirted with other guys, went to parties to hit on guys. I liked having the idea of a boyfriend, just not the responsibilities involved. Summer came and we headed out to our vacation property. My dad was retired so we spent pretty much all summer during the week out there. Dad didn't like the weekends there so we would go home for them. This was not good for my social life at the lake. All the good parties were on the weekends. I had made some girl friends out there so I started staying with their families on the weekends. At least that was what we would say. We would end up at someones empty cabin sans parents and get very drunk. One of these weekends I lost my virginity and it wasn't with my boyfriend. OOOPPS! My boyfriend I hardly saw as he was working most of the summer. He did finally make arrangements to come to the lake on the eve of our one year anniversary. I was so over him at this point and wanted to break up but thought it was too harsh to do it in a letter or on the phone so I just continued to have a good time and keep stringing him along until the big day. I plotted out the breakup, discussed with my girl friends what I was going to say. I so broke his heart, he cried. I was disgusted at his weak behavior. I was a cold hearted bitch. I loved it.

So I'm telling this story to the hubs this morning and he just looks at me like, WTF! I said, I had to break up with him, I was starting my senior year, I didn't want to be tied down! I asked him if he had ever plotted for weeks to break up with someone. He said, OMG no!

I then told him it wasn't nearly as satisfying as when I got rid of my first husband, the Sperm Donor. Rob just shook his head, kissed me goodbye and road off into the dawn's early light.

Get your deck ready for nice weather

I'm very fortunate at my house. I have a big deck in my back yard. You can have all kinds of fun with a big deck. I think back about the parties we have had on this deck. My husband Rob is very proud of his big deck. As he should be, not everyone has as nice a deck as we do. He keeps his deck nice and clean. A man who takes care of his deck is a good man indeed!

I was thinking it was the Winter of our discontent. And it too shall pass....Spring has sprung.

I never thought that spring would happen this year. We have had more snowy mornings in the past few months that I can ever remember living here in the wet side of Washington State. I don't do winter very well, face it, I'm a wimp around snow and ice. I think it's pretty and all, but what I don't like is that it is slippery as hell and I don't like to fall. Well, the falling isn't really the problem it's the landing. You'd think that all my padding would protect me, but all that fat does is make nice big colorful bruises. So woo hoo! It's now Spring!

Then I realize, everything is budding, the birds are singing and I am sneezing and wheezing. I can't breathe, my nose is either stuffy or dripping. I wake up each day and have to trowel out the corners of my eyes which are weeping from the pollen. I spent an hour in the garden today and that was all I could take. I'm going to pop a pill, suck on my inhaler and take a nap. I'll dream about how lovely my garden will be when the garden gnomes come and finish the weeding for me.

BTW, the Korean ladies outside the H-Mart gave me a packet of tissues with bible verses on them. Now God will bless me every time I blow my nose.

I remember Mama

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 80 today but she died almost 10 years ago. Here are some of the things I remember about my mom:

My mother was a housewife from the 50's. When I was very little she always wore dresses. I remember her coming outside and skipping rope with us in a dress. In 1964 I was 6, she and my grandmother were talking about things and my mother mentioned that this pregnancy was really tough on her. My grandmother shushed her to not say the word pregnant in front of me. For years I thought pregnant was a swear word. I remember playing in our back yard with my friends when the back door was wrenched open and a flaming frying pan came sailing out and landed near where we were playing. My friends were frightened but I just nonchalantly said, Oh my mom is cooking dinner. She wasn't a very good cook.

When I was a teenager my mother took me aside and said we should have the "sex" talk. I asked her what did she want to know? She figured she'd waited a bit too long. Once I went to JCPenneys with her when she needed to buy a jock strap for my brother. The clerk asked her how big he was. My mom cups her hand and says about this size. I told her the clerk was looking for his waist measurement.

Mom subscribed to magazines and other publications. When she started telling us that the Russians were controlling the weather, we cancelled her subscription to Weekly World News. She figured since it was printed in black and white it was actual real news. Mom loved to shop. QVC was one of her favorites. She liked to buy 2 of things. She would keep one and give the other away. Usually I was the lucky winner. I have more crap I will never use stuffed in my cupboards. Once she bought everyone in the family the Ronco Food Dehydrator. This I actually still use.

Mom was generous and loving. She would give you the shirt off her back. She was a pain in the ass a lot and everyday I become more and more like her. And that's ok. I miss you Mom.

Biggest Love

Damn HBO. I have really been thinking about cutting down on my cable package as there is never anything on most of the bizillion channels anyway but I'm too wrapped up in Big Love.

This week they added a 4th wife and instead of adding value to their lives, its just a big competition and wife backstabbing. I love it. I think we should have some extra wives around my house. We could have the cleaning wife, the cooking wife, the laundry wife, and then me. I could do the stuff I liked, like gardening and sewing and other creative things. I might not be down with the whole sharing the sex thing though.

Anyway, Bill, the husband, has all these woman who are all vying for his attention, all these kids, 3 mortgages, a failing business and in-laws from hell. All in the name of religion. I think instead of adding more wives, they need to add more husbands. Bill won't be having to take Viagra so he can be the sex machine they all expect. He'll have someone to help take kids to the Daddy/Kid events. He can have a friend to hang out with at the golf course. Maybe a little love interest between the guys too!

I'm going to email my story idea to HBO.

Increasing my vocabulary so can appear younger and cooler

I frequently troll the Urban Dictionary so I can keep up with modern slangisms. Face it, I'm a middle aged mother who is struggling to communicate with her kids. Of course if I actually used any of the words my kids use, they would roll their eyes and tell me to "stop! stop right now!" But I also like to scroll thru UD and find words that tickle my fanny.

Carcolepsy: a condition affecting buddies on a trip who fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving, providing no company or driving help. This is me. I am a car sleeper. I once slept from Washington State to New Jersey. Of course I had mono at the time.

Bedgasm: A feeling of complete and utter euphoria which peaks when climbing into bed at the end of a long day, a long road trip or hours of extremely strenuous physical activity. Under perfect conditions, the physical release has been likened to that of an intense sexual experience. Our new bed is bliss. We can't wait to get into it every night.

Kitchenheimers: When you're in the kitchen going around in circles because you can't remember what you were doing there. C'mom, we all do this, duh!

Destinesia: When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. See above!

Snow hysteria: When the populace's fear of a snowstorm creates traffic jams and general panic way before any flakes even fall. Usually turns out to be a totally disproportionate response to a minor snowstorm. I live near Seattle, we don't do well with snow. We have whole news casts devoted to the "possibility" of snow. We are shut down by 1 inch of snow.

Mis-wave: To return a wave to someone you think is waving at you, but is actually waving to the person behind you. Usually results in embarrassment and introversion. Of course, as I age and my eye sight fails, I'm doing the opposite also and not waving when I know someone and am now considered unfriendly bitch.

Moneymoon: The time after your purchase of a good or service and before 'buyer's remorse' happens. Do you want me to name off all the crap I own that I just "had to have"?

So there are a few new words I'd love to be able to use in real life but I'm never that quick on the uptake to respond accordingly but I'll think of it later.

New word: Misrepartee: All those witty and clever remarks you think of later after the conversation is over. I submitted it to UD, I'll see if it gets posted!

update: DENIED!!

From: info@urbandictionary.com
Sent: Wed 2/11/09 11:24 AM
Thanks for your definition of Misrepartee! Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.

What Chris Wants

I saw a blog the other day that said to go out and google your first name and "needs". I tried that but there is a Chris Needs person out there and I didn't like the results. So I changed the directive to "Chris wants" because, face it, I want a lot of things. I figure who better knows what I want than the all mighty oracle "Google" So here are some of my "wants":

Chris wants boobs - Actually, I'd like perkier boobs, age and gravity have taken their toll

Chris wants flowers NOW! - Say it with Flowers, hint hint.

Chris wants to Battle - Frankly I don't like to fight but a little wii competition, maybe

Chris wants your questions - Go ahead, ask away. If I don't know the answer, I promise to make up something good.

Chris wants out - Help me, I'm stuck cleaning house

Chris wants my kiss kiss - Kiss kiss my what what?

Chris wants to become a singer - American Idol, here I come. I can't carry a tune in a fish.

Chris wants to change her name - to Matilda

Chris wants you to call for help - and send over the Maid Brigade

Chris wants more of the same - Maid service once a week?? Yes!

Chris wants to find the perfect outfit - I need to find the perfect body first.

Chris wants to adopt like Brangelina - Just shoot me now.

Chris wants Empress crowns, not porcelain to metal - I'm thankful I have my own teeth. All bought and paid for.

Chris wants to build thinking machines to do some of our thinking for us - Duh, isn't that what my computer is doing right now?

Chris wants to plunder the wreckage - Plunder sounds like pirates, argh!

Chris wants to secure the border and enforce existing immigration law - I just want to remember to close the gate and keep the neighbor's dog out of my yard.

Chris wants to have sex with cousin - Excuse me, I have my own teeth and don't live in Arkansas, ewww!

Chris wants to make a documentary film - About what?

Chris wants to highlight the importance of looking after the world for future generations - This might make a good documentary film subject

Chris wants to eat the chocolate easter egg that's upstairs - Sorry, I love chocolate but I have my limits. Any easter eggs upstairs are too too old to eat. Now the Christmas candy...

Chris wants to start acting more serious - What?!? and cause everyone to drop dead?

Chris wants a portable cassette play for Christmas - To go with the Sony Betamax in the garage!! oh goody!

Chris wants to contribute something positive and loving to the world - Well, that surely isn't this blog, eh?

Issues with Tissues

Toilet paper rolls are so annoying. At home, no one ever finishes the roll. They leave 2 little squares left for the next person and unless Panda the Hamster is squatting over the bowl, there ain't nobody here who thinks that is going to cut it.

And so change the roll! If there is none under the sink, go check the other 2 bathrooms in the house. Still no toilet paper, then tell me. I can pick some up or I might have a hidden stash somewhere.

I hate having to pee while out and about. What gets me are those industrial size rolls of toilet paper in a public restroom. When the roll is new and you have to try and find the start? I swear I need to find the glue they use to stick down that first sheet. I have spent way too much time, bent over with my hand at an awkward angle, trying to get that first sheet started. That is the strongest glue known to man. I could hang siding with that glue. After scratching ineffectively for sometime, I finally resort to tearing into the roll with my nails and coming away with bits of fluff that, while doing the job, they will bits and pieces that scare the crap (figuratively) by looking like maggots in your panties later.

And how you hang it matters apparently, as I found out from these directions. And what was with the brown scratchy stuff I came across in the airport at Amsterdam? Ouch!

* dedicated to Michael at Do you hate it too, who lots of issues with tissues.

Dairy Opportunities: Cheese is our friend

Do you ever think about cheese? Daughter Nicole and I think about cheese alot. We like to try new cheeses, try new cheese recipes, or just enjoy a piece of cheese.

When you think about it, it's pretty disgusting. Made from milk is good, but the curdling with bacteria from the stomach of a cow. It's too grim to dwell on. And the fact that some of the best cheese is riddled with mold. Any other food, we would tossing that gross piece of shit out, but not our cheese. Emm, love the stinky cheese.

We don't venture out too far as cheeses go on our regular purchases because some cheese is very expensive. It's hard to justify paying lots of money for mold and bacteria so we stick to our favorite mostly - Tillamook Cheddar. I buy the big loaf and we have at it. We slice it, we shred it, we melt it. Even Figaro the Cat loves the cheddar. He will stand under the Kitchen Aid mixer with the grater attachment whirling away hoping for a curl or two to drop down for him. (I usually give him a bite or two.)

I grate a huge container full, as freshly grated is so much better than the packaged grated stuff that has additives to keep it from sticking together...ewww. This way we have it for taco's, chips, salads, soups, etc. But our all time favorite use for this heavenly stuff is on our popcorn. I make popcorn on the stove (none of that crap for the microwave, please!) and as soon as it hits the bowl, we sprinkled a bit of melted butter, a bit of salt and the freshly grated cheddar. Toss and eat. We look for Dairy Opportunities where ever we can!

Hey, a way to waste some more time

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Chris

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Chrizzle

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: :(fav color & fav animal) Green Cow

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street) Ida Street (er, its a number, like that's gonna work!)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Onichstr

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink) Green Mike's

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother's middle name and father's middle name ) Laureen Mayer

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Figaro

9. YOUR DRINK NAME: (FAV. FRUIT AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF MOM FIRST NAME AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF DAD FIRST NAME) Watermelon Helwin



*courtesy of Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

The Bar Scene

I'm sitting at my temp job, gazing out the window at the bar across the street. The name of the bar is the Spot Tavern. And since this is the bar my hubby and I had our first date at, it brings to mind that special "spot" I have that makes me all tingly. Not that "spot", my funny bone!

So I started to think about some of the other bars in the area and their names:

Pounders: It's not but wouldn't that make a good name for a gay bar?

Back Door Pub: Again, wouldn't that be good for a gay bar?

Yardarm Pub: It's just got to be a pirate bar. I'm going to find my eye patch and peg leg and head over. ARGH!

Doofer Bar: Hey, even idiots need a place to drink.

Stumbling Monk: I have visions of tonsured men in robes.

Pied Piper: A bunch of rats, drinking beer, playing poker and smoking.

Whammy Bar: A sleezy version of the Hard Rock Cafe.

Locker Room Tavern: Guys in boxers snapping towels at each other.

Flotation Device Pub: Since we've had so much flooding recently, this bar is for hardcores who don't want to stop drinking even though the river is swirling around their knees.

Shotze Rack and Roll: Sitting amidst the deer heads on the walls, these mighty hunters roll their own, while discussing how big their decks are.

Textitude, Why Moms Get Pissed Off

I've got two teenagers. Their favorite form of communication is text messaging. Nicole does about 5,000 texts a month. Aaron is a bit less. Aaron is a bit older and has learned that talking to someone can get a quicker response. Nicole loves to be able to "talk" with 6 people at once. Nicole turns her phone off during the school day (ok, this is the rule at middle school, but she seems to be texting me during these hours somehow). I don't text much and I don't have my phone permanently attached to my hand so I miss alot of their communications if I haven't checked my purse recently.

I was talking with Nikki and some of her friends the other day and they were complaining that their moms were all over them about their attitude. That their mom was reading to much into their text responses and getting all "up there" or some such term that I have no idea what it means. Thank god for the Urban Dictionary.

I ask these girls, who text each other nonstop, even when they are sitting next to each other, what they text that piss their moms off. It's too much slang or texting shorthand, you know those acronyms that you can never figure out. Like OMDB, which I figure means Open Many Dogs Butts, but Nikki says means, Over My Dead Body. I said, "maybe because we can't translate WTF you are trying to say. " I explained that there could be multiple definitions for each shortcut. And then there is the emoticons! ;p Trying to figure that out makes us drool or leaves us shocked :-0

But the biggest problem all the mothers had was the one word response:

WHATEVER

That one word has so much attitude. It seeps of attitude. Just because we can't see you roll your eyes when you text this, doesn't mean we are stupid.

Horrorscopes

I don't hold much faith in the cosmos (unless we are talking the drink or the magazine), but occasionally I will read the one in my local paper just out of curiosity. Yeah yeah, true believers don't go by the newspaper crap either but this is my story!

I'm a Capricorn and today's horoscope said: Don't let anyone who is ill experienced control your resources no matter how much the person means to you.
Now I control the money in our family and I trust myself completely so this must be referring to my family jewels. Now the only one allowed access to those is my hubby, so I cruise on over to his horoscope and this is what it says:

Scorpio: It might be just wishful thinking to believe a new tactic is more innovative. Give it a test run before discarding anything you've been using that works. So here is my worry. Is he going to try spicing things up with something new that is going to make me run screaming from the bedroom, shouting, "take that leather mask off, you freak" (he knows I'm the only one who gets to wear that!) or will I say, "move your head honey, I can't see the TV"?

More than likely this is not about something so fun but mine would be about my son who wishes he was in charge of my resources, my cash resources. He checks the pockets of all the coats in house (even when we have guests) and the sofa cushions, the washer, the dryer and inside my car for spare change. And I'm guessing Rob's is really about some new biking technique that will bring him ever closer to the Tour de France.

Maybe I should try tea leaf readings...

My 100th Post

So this is my 100 blog post. So here are 100 very random things about me.

1. My first words were moo and cow
2. My shoe size is 11
3. I studied 3 foreign languages and remember none of them
4. I am tone deaf
5. I taught myself to sew at 13
6. I had a reading problem until 3rd grade
7. I have been married twice
8. I don't like coconut
9. The taste of Dr Pepper makes me gag
10. I usually sneeze more than 3 times before stopping
11. I can't snap my fingers
12. I can wiggle my eyebrows one at a time
13. I don't actually have any eyebrows
14. I pencil in eyebrows on my face
15. I have 3 cats at this time
16. As a small child I used to fill my pockets with worms to freak my mother out
17. I was once stung by a hornet on my crotch
18. My little fingers are really short
19. My big toes are REALLY big
20. I have yellow green eyes
21. My hair is curly on the left side only
22. I hit a tree inner tubing while pregnant
23. I have 3 kids
24. A neighbor's cat once gave birth in my lap
25. Our dog gave birth to 3 puppies in my bed while I slept
26. I broke my foot by stepping wrong on one stair
27. I stood in the rain with a broken foot to see President Carter's plane land at Boeing Field
28. I saw Elton John in concert in 1975
29. I have never gambled in a casino
30. I didn't get my driver's license until I was 20
31. I use to own my own bowling bag and bowling shoes
32. I never got to be an angel in the nativity at church as a child even tho I asked to be one every year
33. I didn't learn to swim until I was 13
34. I get anxiety attacks when I think about boating
35. I once rode in a police car going 95 miles an hour
36. I have never been arrested
37. I have been bonded for $1.5 million
38. I found my first gray hair the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest
39. I have 2 stamps in my passport, both are from Amsterdam
40. I used to attend professional wrestling events
41. I went to the final game of the 1977 World Series game in NY
42. I love pirates
43. I went to the World Fair in 1962
44. By the time I was 6, all my grand parents had passed away
45. I was a school paste eater
46. I failed at learning to play the guitar (tone deaf issue)
47. I once knitted 30 hats in 30 days
48. I am a Girl Scout Leader to 2 troops
49. I slipped on a banana slug, fell on it and slid down a hill. The slime never came out of my jeans
50. A hamster bit my finger and it's teeth went thru my skin and back out
51. I've had nerve damage on my finger
52. I hitch hiked only once when I was 15
53. I desecrated the altar at a local catholic church
54. Riding Amtrak from Baltimore to NYC, I had to sit on my suitcase in the aisle the whole way
55. I got stuck in an old fashioned elevator with a gate and had to climb up and out while very inebriated
56. I like to put grated cheddar cheese on my popcorn
57. I held a snake while it got an injection
58. I think nuts ruin chocolate
59. I have voted in 9 presidential elections
60. 2008 was the first year my candidate won
61. I moved 21 times in 12 years during my first marriage
62. I moved once since marrying Rob
63. I was born in Seattle
64. I moved twice to New Jersey
65. I have driven across the US, coast to coast 7 times
66. I lived in Portland Oregon in 1987
67. I went to Ballard High School Class of '76
68. I attended my 10th, 20th and 30th HS reunions
69. My current favorite movie is Hairspray
70. My mp3 player has 232 songs on it
71. About 40 of these are songs I allowed my husband to add
72. I was married the first time 12 years
73. I was happy only about 6 of those years
74. I drive a Toyota Sienna Minivan
75. My favorite color is currently green, it used to be red
76. I do the crossword and sudoku in the newspaper everyday
77. I like trying new ethnic restaurants
78. I do not like going to trendy chain restaurants except Red Robin
79. My favorite drink is Gin and Tonic
80. I like camping in a tent
81. I own 15 marshmallow toasting forks
82. My backyard lawn is mostly moss
83. I like it when my cats kill mice and rats
84. I like visiting the ocean in winter
85. I read everyday, I usually have 2 books I am reading at any one time
86. My sewing machine cost more than both my son's and daughter's first cars together cost
87. I love shows about home improvement
88. I have no interior decorating sense whatsoever
89. I am a "crafty" person, papercrafts, needlework, beading, polymer clay, I like to try new things
90. My sister almost drowned me when I was 4
91. My father died on my 20th birthday, I was just 4 hours engaged
92. I can't roller or ice skate
93. I am scared of climbing more than 2 steps on a step ladder
94. I only enjoy the audition episodes on American Idol
95. I used to own Sony Betamax and could never rent movies until I got a VHS tape player
96. I suck at video games
97. I have flat feet
98. I have visited the Corn Palace in Mitchel, SD
99. I liked to dress like a Nun and take my daughter out Trick or Treating while drinking hot buttered rums
100. I count my blessings everyday and am amazed how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life

If you got to the end without dozing off, good for you! It took me 2 days to write this. Thank god this blogging milestone is over. I'll try not to bore you again and not do something that I thought was expected from a blogger.

Countdown Post

Since it's expected I will do a short recrap, er, recap of the year.


Started great, I turned 50, had a fab party, got very drunk and still kept my friends.

Took 6 teens to Seaside Oregon for the weekend and managed to bring them all back. Great girls only time.

Spent countless hours on the internet trying to find the deals of the century so the wedding of the century would not bankrupt us.

Succeeded in pulling off the afore mentioned wedding and am only slightly bankrupt, so had to find a job.

Found the perfect job with Girl Scouts. Got paid for having fun. Unfortunately it was only temporary.

Last kid turned into a teenager. Middle kid got license, turned 18, voted in his first election and came out. Oldest kid got married.

Hubby turned 50 and made it thru the year with only a broken finger this year (knock on wood, we have a few hours left).

Got smacked in the economic stomach, like everyone else, but we are doing fine although still slightly bankrupt from the wedding.

Had a white Christmas and lived to tell about.

Did not loose, kill, maim or adopt any more cats.

Slangisms, Part 2

Because I have so much to do today getting ready for the craft fair tomorrow, I am slacking off again and taking the easy way out by bringing you Slangisms, Part 2.

Lego Hair: a particularly shitty male haircut in which the sides cover the ears and the hair appears to be "snap on".

Destinesia: When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. Not to be confused with being stoned, destinesia often occurs during working hours, and is the cause of much frustration.

Flatuglance: The look that someone gives another person when they pass gas in public.

Farticles: The particles of air contaminated after someone or something lets out gas.

Textpectation: The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Mouse potato: Someone who spends all their time on the computer surfing the net or playing games.

Slangisms, Part 1

I was browsing the Urban Dictionary today and came across some entries that I enjoyed:

Homobrophobia: The fear that your brother will be or is gay.

Sargasm: Deriving far too much satisfaction from glibly berating another with sarcasm.

Deja moo: The feeling that you have heard this bullshit before.

Mass merchanditis: The hazy feeling one gets after spending too much time shopping at large chain stores including but not limited to Walmart, Home Depot, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Characterized by a headache, dry eyes, blurred vision, blank stare, sore feet.

Stoptional: When the braking of a car is left to one's choice due to an unnecessary stop sign.

The Spousal We: The opposite of the royal we, meaning "you". Used by your significant other to get you to do something.

Googling

I have been following Google Analytics and here are some of the recent keyword searches that brought people to my blog site. Here are some of my favorites. For obvious reasons, cat and brain figure prominently.

when this shit get in my brain

projectile shit

brain moss

can't cope with defeat

cat ate raw thanksgiving turkey, can turkey be saved

cat ate shower curtain

how can you tell if cat ate a magnet

i ate my cat

my cat ate my food now i feel sick

prince butt

the cow ate my brain 2

What I find really interesting is that the first one "when this shit get in my brain" has visited my site 11 times since I set up tracking on Nov 15th. This means that one person is using these keywords to get to my site, or 11 people are searching Google for this phrase. I'd be very interested to find out which it is.