C-PAP - Fact or C-RAP?

So my pulmonary doctor is concerned about the amount of oxygen I'm getting. So he upped the amount of steroids I'm to inhale daily and had me tested for sleep apnea. The steroids I can handle, they aren't strong enough to alter my mood or grow hair on my chest but the sleep apnea? What a pain.

To determine if I had sleep apnea, they sent me home with a kit which had a chest belt with a machine attached and instruction to place it at nipple level but against the chest. Since I wasn't going to bind my chest flat, I opted for the other option of above the breast with the leads cutting into my arm pits. There was a tube with an attachment that went into my nostrils and my mouth. I put a monitor on my ring that glowed all night long. Now I was suppose to sleep naturally. The next day I returned the system for evaluation and guess what I have sleep apnea. I tried to explain that there was no way they could have gotten a correct diagnosis as I hardly slept but they seemed firm in their belief in the readings they got that they are correct. So off I go to get fitted for a CPAP machine and face mask.

The clinic went over how the damn thing works, how to keep it clean, how you might not sleep well for the first couple weeks. They fit me for a mask and get this, I'm a size SMALL, in fact they almost gave me the Petite SMALL! So finally I wear something in a SMALL. I brought home my luggage (the thing weighs a ton!) and got my distilled water for the attached humidifier and I was all set.

Come bed time, I set up my machine, adding the water as instructed, keeping the machine below the level of my head. I slip on the headgear with face mask, plug it in and lay down. Soon as I lay down, I realize I need to pee. So I disconnect the hose. The machine starts loudly blowing out air, until I find the button to turn it off. I do my business and plug myself back in and get into bed.

This machine is not made for people who sleep on their stomach and much of their face. I'm going to have to train myself to back sleep. The good thing about this machine is that it will pretty much eliminate my snoring that I do when I back sleep.

So I've had 3 nights on the MACHINE and I'm not feeling rested at all. I can't seem to adjust the humidity on it, so I'm either as dry as a bone or drowning in the accumulated condensation. I'm also trying to give up caffeine, I'm down to half caff coffee and no other caffeinated beverages. All this in pursuit of better health. I might be healthier soon if it doesn't kill me first.

Yes my son graduated, I have the gray hair and ulcers to prove it!

The last week has been very hectic here at Casa O as we prepared for the miracle of Aaron graduating from High School. It was a tremendous battle, fought long and hard. I spent a good part of the final week before the big day cleaning and getting the yard in order, things I'd neglected while I was helping out Girl Scouts. I found out that it's not a good idea to weed whack in sandals. I now have pretty pink polish to coverup the blacken toe nail that got whacked by a bouncing off the wall (must be why it's called a whacker, eh?). So all week, I have been asking Aaron about his grades because as a senior, it doesn't matter that if he "needs" the class (for the credit or a requirement) he has to have a passing grade in every class the last quarter to graduate. As of tuesday he wasn't passing 2 classes. So I'm in panic mode, Aaron just keeps telling me to watch Skyward (the online grade book) and everything is fine. So I keep logging on and finally it looks good. I order the cake (only $16.99 for a half sheet at Costco with Congrats Aaron in orange and blue), buy a ton of food and drink, ask my friends to make salads and keep on deep cleaning the house. I spend $$$ on plants for the pots on my deck so we don't have to look at the dead bamboo and the thyme that has gone to seed. Everything seems nice until Friday morning when I decide to check Skyward one more time. AAARRGGGHH, the Graphic Design teacher has added a new assignment into the grade book worth 400 pts and Aaron has 0, yes ZERO! this drops his grade to F again and I start to hyperventilate. I text Aaron and about 20 minutes later he shows up at home. I ask him, WTF??? He says, Don't panic! He runs upstairs to grab something and heads back to school. He comes home again about an hour later and says everything is fine, he got 290 on the project and should be passing now. He tells me to check online, of course it's not updated and I'm not completely calm yet. He heads back to school for the senior video presentation and I keep checking online for grade updates. Just after 2pm, Aaron comes home and tells me to check now. So I do and woo hoo, he has a D+ and passes!! Before I can do high fives, he says, BTW the school just might call about an incident involving him and his BFF Susan. My stomach sinks down to the floor, I'm thinking, oh god, wtf has he done now? Well, it turns out that after the video, the seniors were to go to the football field behind the school to assemble for one last cheer for AMHS. Well Aaron and Susan decide to ditch that, instead they get in her car, drive into the bus only lanes that run next to the field and lay on the horn, cheering and waving to their astonished classmates. Someone or someones turned them in to the principal about this horrific prank they pulled. Susan's mom came home to a voice mail from the principal that she would not be walking with her class the next day, but Aaron was safe as he was only a passenger in the car. Er, durr... it was his idea! Anyway, Susan's mom managed to convince the principal that it was very harmless and that she should lighten up.

So Saturday morning arrives, the weather is suppose to be nice, I'm excited to see my son accomplish something. Aaron comes bursting into the kitchen, irate. My phone charger isn't working!! You have to go out right now and get me a new one!, he yells at me. I pretty much lost it. I dropped quite a few f-bombs about what I had or had not "got to do" that morning. He stomps off to shower and get ready. I go back to nursing my coffee and Rob chimes in with a smirk, Just how is Aaron going to pay for this new charger? I said, I will pay for it since he spent most of his salary on clothes I told him to buy so he could follow the school's requirement of dress pants, a dress shirt and tie for graduation. Rob then changes his tone to the holier than thou attitude about responsibility. I lost it and told Rob to "stop effing lecturing me!" Then at 8:50 Aaron says, Aren't you going to take me to school? I'm like, Do you think you could have mentioned this sooner? He had to be there by 9am sharp! I race into clothes and off we go only to be gridlocked outside the school parking lot as 300 parents try and get their kids to school by 9 too. The whole way there, Aaron is demanding that I get him a new charger ASAP. On the way back home I realize my morning has fallen apart, so I call Mary to commiserate. I explain that I have alienated most of my family before 9:00, we have a good laugh and she asked if everything is set for the party. I told her I had enough chairs but people were going to have to eat with their plates in their laps due to lack of tables. I go in to find that Rob and Nicole have showered. I growl out that there had better be hot water for me, or there would be hell to pay. I zip in and out, get dressed and call Brianne at 9:50 to get her dad's number as I had tickets for his group. She was surprised to hear we were about to leave for the stadium as she had wanted to carpool with us. We knew that if we waited for Brianne, Aaron would have graduated without us, so we told her we'd save them a seat. I managed to meet up with the ex, find Rob and get seated well before the crowds showed up. Unfortunately I forgot to ask Aaron what side he was sitting on so we ended up not near him but we were facing him. I start talking with the woman sitting next to me and said that I was just happy that my son made it. She asked me who my son was. She screamed with I told her. Turns out she is Susan's mom, Aaron's BFF. She just loves Aaron. Out of 300+ grad families, I lucked out and sat with someone who loves my son!! My day was looking up. I will admit that even tho they told us not to cheer when our childs name was called, almost everyone did and I gave a big whoop for Aaron. I was quite proud.

After the ceremony and goodbyes, we drop Nicole off at a birthday party, drop Rob at home to set up tables (while we were at commencement, the Table Fairy came and left us 3 more tables!! Love the friends!) and Aaron and I headed to Verizon to see about his lifeline, er, phone. Turns out not to be the charger but the phone itself, it's under warranty and 45 minutes later, he has a new phone and we head to Costco for the cake. Hate Saturday at Costco. This takes us more time than it should have for one item. Off to Safeway for ice and back home. It's now 3:30 and guests are due in half an hours. Rob and I rush around like crazies and get it all done, right before people arrive. Time for a cold one or two. Aaron graced the party until 6pm and then begged off to visit other parties. We all had a great time, I got more cheerful and stopped swearing like a long shoreman. Everyone was gone by 9pm and we slept like babies.

Nicole's 8th grade graduation will be a snap. She has her dress, I have to make the little bolero jacket but I've started that. There is no party here, she is going to one via a limo ride. Nice to have rich friends. She is getting to go to the Jonas Bros concert as her present.

I've looking forward to some quiet time starting next week.

Wardrobe Malfunction or Weapons of Mass Destruction?

I went to the dentist for a cleaning today (I have no cavities and I got stars for all my flossing. Thanks for asking) and while I'm laying feet up, blood draining to my brain, I feel something funny going on with my boobs. Now before you think the dentist, who is a babe for a 50 yr old guy, is having his way, the answer to that is no. I look up (since I've got my feet up, my boobs are up not down) and I see what looks like a third nipple pushing out of the middle of my chest. I slide my hand under that paper towel with the alligator clips that is protecting me from blood spatters and feel around. It's the underwire of my bra. It has popped it's casing and working it's way outward. I push it back down, but now it just looks like I'm fondling myself and it won't go back in, in fact, it's sticking out more. I'm sure the hygienist was wondering WTF. So I told her. "My girls are escaping! They have broken free of their restraints and are going to take over the world." Somehow she managed to finish cleaning my teeth while my new tit pushed further out. By now it looks more like a tiny penis that is pointing west. I finish up and consider trying to repair things in the restroom, but I'm not equipped to handle things here. I don't want to pull the wire all the way out, as then I will have one nice perky boob and one hanging to my knees. So I just pull my sweater over the growing appendage and make my way to the car. Once safely home, I repaired things and the girls are safe back in their place.

Remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

Hairy as a Yeti

As I was showering this morning I noticed that I have bangs on my knees. I'm not saying that I don't shave my legs very often, but I do tend to neglect it during the winter for the added warmth it gives me.

I have always been on the light side of body hair. Blondish or very light brown and it's not very thick. Even my hair on my lady bits, although dark, it's sparse, silky and straight. The only curly hair I have is that damn odd spot on the left side of my head. Excess body hair has never been a big issue for me. Even the bikini area (like I'd ever be in a bikini but you know the part I mean, inner thighs!) doesn't have hair. This could be because my thighs rub together and have worn off any. Ok then menopause hit and face it, I'm not the same woman I once was. WTF, where or where did all this hair come from? And the rate of return? I'd like to see this on my investment account! So I've got bangs on my knees, pointy chin hairs, my hair on my head seems to be growing at record speeds which means my roots need touching up every week! (not that I do it every week, but it needs it)

So this is the trade off, I look like Chewbacca but no mood swings or visits from Aunt Flo.

Growing up with metal swingsets and yard darts

I went to the Performing Arts Center the other night and saw the funniest show. It was called the Wonder Bread Years with Pat Hazel. I wanted to add the youtube vid on this but I'm unable to embed it. The url is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjVIpPrGbM0

If you get the chance to see this one man show down memory lane, please go. It was so funny, especially if you were born in the 50's-60's. He talked about how the wonder of life changes as you grow up. About family vacations to see things like 4 corners and the Corn Palace. Riding in the back of the station wagon and not in the seats.

I think about the things we did that my kids don't. We had metal swing sets (and the scars on our foreheads to prove it), my kids had this wooden structure with plastic coated chains and wood shaving to catch their fall. They wear helmets while biking and skating, we use to ride no hands down from Phinney Ave to 8th Ave, shooting thru intersections with just a glance to see if there was a car, sans helmets. We woke up every morning with school or play, that was our day. Now kids have more activities and have to keep a date book to know where they go next. My mother didn't drive, if we wanted to go somewhere we walked, rode our bikes, or took the bus. Now we drive them everywhere for their safety. Speaking of safety, they throw nerf balls, we shot bb's and threw yard darts.

Remember Yard Darts? Those lethal projectiles with a 4 inch long point at the end. You had a hoop on the ground that you lobed these at. Your friend would stand by the hoop and yell about your aim never thinking that they could take one in the eye at any moment.

My dad built us monkey bars. He took old pipes and made this maze of bars that we climbed, swing from, built forts with blankets with. We have for our kids that wooden swing set with a club house with moulded plastic walls and a plastic slide. No amount of waxed paper will get that slide as slick as the old metal ones. We could make the metal ones so slippery you would go shooting off at rocket speeds. And remember burning the backs of your legs when it was so hot?

During the summer, we constructed our own slip and slides with a plastic sheet and the hose. We would leave after breakfast, mom would call out the back door for us to come home for lunch and dinner. We would stay out until the street lights came on, but sometimes we could stay out late for a night game of hide and seek with a whole gang of kids from the neighborhood.

It was a different era. Damn, I sound like an old fart...yeah, yeah, I am!

PDA's and the Magic of 3

Nicole and a friend were complaining about PDA's (Public Displays of Affection). There are 3 seventh grade girls who are professed lesbians and walk around holding hands. Yes, a middle school gay menage a trois.

Nicole and friend didn't think the lesbian thing was odd or the threesome, it was the public display of affection that they thought was over the top. They went on and on about how they don't think people should be seen holding hands or god forbid, kissing.

When I was 13 I would have been grossed out about the lesbian thing and freaked by the threesome! Times, they are a changin'.

I've lost it

At one time (I can't remember when now, which is part of the problem) I was queen of the house. I knew where everything was. I could find anything. Part of this was logic and part was a fantastic memory. Everyone came to Mom when they couldn't find something and I would magically produce what they were searching for.

When I was younger, I was great at card games. I could remember what cards were played or discarded like in Rummy, Crazy Eights, Uno, etc. It got so no one wanted to play with me. I also was very good at Trivial Pursuit because I would remember the most random things. Now I can't remember if I fed the cats this morning. Ok, I can remember that but the cats would like me to forget it and feed them again.

But what bugs me is that I can't remember where I put things anymore. This not to be confused with "safe places". This is just like where I set down my glasses kind of thing. It's like a huge version of "I came into this room for something, but can't remember what" syndrome. I'm a visualization person. In my minds eye, I see my world. I see where things are, what has to be done, what things should look like. Lately it's like everything is in my peripheral vision, just on the edge and if I turn my head sharply I might glimpse it. So that's what I've been doing but I'm just getting whiplash! I tried writing down things on a to-do list or a where did I put that list, but I can't remember where I left my note pad. That reminds me that I can't find my purse size date calendar. It still has 7 months left on it and I remember taking it out of my purse to make room for other important things and put it in a "safe place" (those damn safe places again!)

In truth, I know what my problem is, it's organization. So although it's Jan 6th (better late than never?), I am now making a resolution to be more organized. To make some sense of the chaos of my life. I'll get started as soon as I find my damn note pad.

My twin?

I think I must fashion my hair style after Eddie Izzard. Although he dresses fancier than I do. Maybe I need to change the color and we could be twins.

Bad Hair Day

I hate my hair. Not just today but most every day. I'm getting it cut later today which is good but it never makes me really happy. Most people I know are unhappy with their hair. It's either too straight, too curly, the color is drab, there is too much gray, the list goes on. We spend a fortune on hair products. Shampoo, conditioners, gels, hairspray, coloring products, clips, bands, rollers, blowers, straighteners, etc.

I have been coloring my hair since 1992. I have been coloring it the same color always except for a weak moment when I tried a different brand and the result was most unfortunate. So now I stick with what I know and like. Right now my roots are showing....a lot! It seems that I have more gray than brown hairs now. A few years ago, I was complaining about the gray hairs and my son who was about 7 told me that I didn't have any gray hairs. I said, I have tons of them! Look at all the white on my head. He said, White hairs!?! yes, you have loads of white hairs just not any gray ones. So after my hair cut I will color again as I'm not quite ready to go natural. Some women look so great but I think I just look old. So not for me. Right now I look like a skunk with my whitish stripe down the part and my snow white temples. If it was sunny, I'm sure the glare off my silver streak could signal planes.

But the gray is easy to fix, my hair is not. I wear it short because it gives me some control over it. You see, the left side of my hair is curly and the top, back and right side is straight. It has my hair stylist baffled and me annoyed. I spend each day with the gel and spray, taming the curl off one side while trying to put some wave in the other to balance things out. It's a battle that I don't always win.

Now don't get me started on my cow lick. Its at the nape and all my kids have it too. Gotta love genetics.