Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Countdown Post

Since it's expected I will do a short recrap, er, recap of the year.

Started great, I turned 50, had a fab party, got very drunk and still kept my friends.

Took 6 teens to Seaside Oregon for the weekend and managed to bring them all back. Great girls only time.

Spent countless hours on the internet trying to find the deals of the century so the wedding of the century would not bankrupt us.

Succeeded in pulling off the afore mentioned wedding and am only slightly bankrupt, so had to find a job.

Found the perfect job with Girl Scouts. Got paid for having fun. Unfortunately it was only temporary.

Last kid turned into a teenager. Middle kid got license, turned 18, voted in his first election and came out. Oldest kid got married.

Hubby turned 50 and made it thru the year with only a broken finger this year (knock on wood, we have a few hours left).

Got smacked in the economic stomach, like everyone else, but we are doing fine although still slightly bankrupt from the wedding.

Had a white Christmas and lived to tell about.

Did not loose, kill, maim or adopt any more cats.

My twin?

I think I must fashion my hair style after Eddie Izzard. Although he dresses fancier than I do. Maybe I need to change the color and we could be twins.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Pictures of My Friends

I like to keep busy.

I like to create things.

I really like polymer clay.

Bad Hair Day

I hate my hair. Not just today but most every day. I'm getting it cut later today which is good but it never makes me really happy. Most people I know are unhappy with their hair. It's either too straight, too curly, the color is drab, there is too much gray, the list goes on. We spend a fortune on hair products. Shampoo, conditioners, gels, hairspray, coloring products, clips, bands, rollers, blowers, straighteners, etc.

I have been coloring my hair since 1992. I have been coloring it the same color always except for a weak moment when I tried a different brand and the result was most unfortunate. So now I stick with what I know and like. Right now my roots are showing....a lot! It seems that I have more gray than brown hairs now. A few years ago, I was complaining about the gray hairs and my son who was about 7 told me that I didn't have any gray hairs. I said, I have tons of them! Look at all the white on my head. He said, White hairs!?! yes, you have loads of white hairs just not any gray ones. So after my hair cut I will color again as I'm not quite ready to go natural. Some women look so great but I think I just look old. So not for me. Right now I look like a skunk with my whitish stripe down the part and my snow white temples. If it was sunny, I'm sure the glare off my silver streak could signal planes.

But the gray is easy to fix, my hair is not. I wear it short because it gives me some control over it. You see, the left side of my hair is curly and the top, back and right side is straight. It has my hair stylist baffled and me annoyed. I spend each day with the gel and spray, taming the curl off one side while trying to put some wave in the other to balance things out. It's a battle that I don't always win.

Now don't get me started on my cow lick. Its at the nape and all my kids have it too. Gotta love genetics.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Battle of the Bed

Rob and I don't get along in bed. At least not while we try to sleep. Rob loves to be sweaty hot under the sheets. I prefer to be almost cool. This causes some problems.

On our bed we have sheets, thin blanket, quilt and comforter. We get into bed and I toss the comforter over to Rob's side so now he has a double layer. He wants to snuggle up to me to warm up as when we get into bed, he is always ice cold and I am warm. I get into bed hoping to cool down as the sheets are a bit icy but Rob needs me to make him warm. So after about 3 minutes, I push him over and say, "too hot!" At this point, I also throw off the quilt so it's just me, the sheet and blanket. I also sleep next to the open window. No, I don't care that there is snow on the ground, I need air!

Finally everyone is at their prime temperature and we can sleep. I sleep on my right side almost on my tummy facing the middle of the bed. Rob likes to lie on his back right in the middle of the bed. This is not good if I don't get to sleep first because my husband snores. The men in his family are famous for their snoring. So if he starts to snore and it keeps me awake, I just go in with the 2 prong attack. (I poke him with 2 fingers) He will roll to his right side and the snoring lessens or stops. This also moves him to his side of the bed and I have some room. During this maneuvering he seldom wakes up. Unfortunately he doesn't stay on his side. His butt starts to creep towards me until he is snuggled up close. This makes me too hot. Now when I get too hot, I wake up and I get a bit cranky. I will gently push him over. If this doesn't work, I try the 2 prong attack. Sometimes, it's necessary to put a knee in his back and shove.

Even though he is now back in his territory, mine is now uninhabitable and must be cooled down. I will throw off the covers and flap my nightie up and down to create a breeze. Sometimes I have to get up and stand naked in the bathroom until things cool down. Finally I can return and try to sleep.

Last night all of this happened but one more thing. He didn't stop snoring. No amount of maneuvering turned the volume down. I ended up moving to the living room couch as sleep was not happening there. I had even tried waking him and telling him he was snoring but I don't think he even remembers we spoke.

So today I am tired. I hope to get to sleep first tonight before the battle starts anew. It can get worse than last night. Sometimes there is a cat in the bed too. There is nothing that heats me up like sleeping with a warm pussy and radiator man.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008


Remember Jack in the Shining? I need to venture out today or put the ax away. Living on a hill is great because we don't worry about floods but getting off the hill is the trick right now. Rob said the road was fine getting down the hill, but it's the parking lots at the grocery I worry about. I'm not going to risk falling and smacking my head just for my diet coke fix.

Operation Just in Case is in effect. I'm thawing my turkey in case I have to make Christmas dinner here instead of heading to the great white north and the in-laws. Christmas Bowling might be cancelled this year too!!!

Hate the fucking snow!

Monday, December 22, 2008

It's Snowing Again, the Snow Gods have Won

Ok, enough already. I live on the wet side of the mountains for a reason. If I want snow, I go to it. During winter, I expect rain. Not freezing rain, just good old wet rain. It's what keeps everything so green here. We have more snow than I have seen since moving to me town 18 years ago. It's everywhere. I don't like to go out it and I worry when those I love go out in it. Rob is a cop and has to work, they don't close down crime just for the weather. He took the van today. He said, "Won't you need it?" Like I was going to get in the van and cruise around looking at all the pretty snow. I can see plenty of it from my own windows in the house, thank you very much.
For the last few years, the weatherpeople have been saying that "this is the winter we have been dreading, it's going to be the worst winter in history". The El Nino, or El Nina or the Pinta or the Santa Maria phenomenon or some such bull shit. So is this it? I bow down to the weather gods. So now can it stop? I get it, snow gods have scored a hit, I am but a humble servant who now knows my place.
Look at the icicles on my poor roses. (yes, I didn't dead head them, I left them for the birds so my cats could catch them more easily)

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Cats versus Them

So yesterday, big brave Fig kills a beautiful bird in the backyard and thinks he is the man, er, the cat! So today, Rob is in the laundry room checking on the condensation pump to the furnace and sees a big mouse (it was a rat!) Rob grabs Figaro and puts him in the little area where the furnace is and Fig freaks out. I'm in the kitchen and open the door to a flash of cat. Rob then sees a flash of rat go under the laundry room door that leads to the garage. He blockaded the gap under the door so now we have a rat in the garage. I think we should send Charlie in there. He is the king mouser, er, rat killer. It isn't even that big a rat. I'm sure the rat isn't going to leave the garage as there is 6 inches of snow outside. Tomorrow, Rob is going to get some traps or else Rob will be spending time in the garage with the mouse, er, rat!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Local News Headline: "Nasty Night Coming"

We are gearing up for a big storm here. They are expecting strong winds, snow and perhaps freezing rain. We hooked up the horses to the wagon and went to the local general store to load up on provisions. Ok, we hopped in the van and went to Fred Meyer. Rob, such a gentleman, dropped me at the door and about 20 minutes later finally found a parking spot and the very edge of the lot and skated in to find that I was almost done with our shopping. I made sure we had things that we can cook on the camp stove if needed as the last time we had strong winds, the power was out for a long time. We were lucky to only have it out about 24 hours, others had no power for almost a week.

At the store I ran into one of my neighbors who was so worried about the power and what to do about the food in the fridge. Duh, their garage is totally an icebox right now, probably too cold! I figure the laundry room in my house is a tad bit warmer than the garage, so we can just make that area the fridge. I don't think food spoilage will be an issue.

The store was a zoo. I don't think I've ever been there when they had all 22 registers open. They had 4 u-scans, 4 Express lanes, and the rest were miles long. No one wants to be caught unprepared.

We are prepared with flash lights and candles and logs for a fire. We can cook out doors as long as the wind doesn't knock us down. I have my lexan coffee press and my jet boil stove that boils water in 90 seconds. As long as there is coffee we can survive.

The cats won't like the wind and won't like not having the heat registers blowing on them. But they will survive by cuddling with us. Not that we want to cuddle Figaro. We heard terrible squawking in the back today. Fig had a bird. A beautiful woodpecker. This is the second bird I've seen him with this week. We also had to very large mice left at the door. I know that cats are just doing what cats do, but I still makes me sad. My neighbor to the back, heard the commotion, saw what was going on and closed her curtains. I bet she hates my cats.

Please don't let us lose power. I can deal with the weather, I just hate being without lights and heat!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Another Letter to Santa

Deer santa, This is frm the cats. we need stuff. ar pets dont feed us enuf. we has to wait fur em too oppen cans. bring us thums or hands. we ar sure that As Seen On TV must haf hands fur cats. they haf good things. we too lik the knifes in the man. we think this is funny. must haf been made by a cat.
we need mouses. if yu put em in ar stocking then we dont need to go out in the cold to git em.
we has been so good that yu can give us mor cat nip. it is good fur us and we will be so happy.
frm the cats

Need some last minute Christmas Gifts?

Check out these great gift ideas from "As Seen on TV"

Knife set for that "Happy Couple"

For those politically minded friends: the Hillary Nutcracker and the Bill Corkscrew

Or this nifty light for finding your way... "honey, where'd ya say your clitoris was again?"

And for those follicle challenged, spray on hair!

On-line shopping has never been so much fun!! Or go to their retail store at a mall near you!

Snow Update

Kids are whining. We are one of the few school districts in the area that is still open. We have a half inch of new snow. Rob rode his bike to the bus stop, took the bus to the train and then rode to city hall from the train. He said the rodes were fine. The only problem he had was that his fender came off yesterday when I picked him up at the train. It's still in the van and now he has a stripe like a skunk up his back from the salt and mud.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

We have heat!

Got my Christmas Present today. The furnace is fixed and we are a bit poorer. Luckily I was cutting back this year and didn't over spend.... until today. Control panel shorted and this shorted out the blower. Nice repairman came and by 4:30pm we had heat.

Shit happens. The cats are much happier now that they can lay on the vents again. Charlie kept poking me with his claw, indignant that there was no heat!

Brrrr....Cold... Furnace is on a Vacation

My furnace is not working. It snowed last night, we might get more snow today and the fucking furnace decides it doesn't want to blow. Hey, I'm the only one around here that gets to make that kind of decision. I decide who blows around here and the furnace is the number one blower.

The house was 54 degrees this morning when we got up. Rob and I stared blankly at the furnace trying to decipher the blinking red light of doom that is suppose to tell us what the problem is. We are clueless and Rob left for the nice warm office. The kids left for the nice warm school. The repair people will be here after noon. I'm not too freezing though. We own a couple of space heaters (although not the super big ones, these are small so you have to sit with it blowing up your robe to feel the heat, if you know what I mean) and I turned the oven on (it's electric! no one will die) I have lots of hot water so I will take a hot shower, dive into the bed where my clothes are, I will warm them up and put them on. Then it's off to the nice warm store to finish my Christmas shopping.

The house is now 63 degrees but it's starting to snow again. We may or may not get more measurable snow. We tend to miss the snow that hits the Puget Sound region. In the north and in the south they get hit hard but us...not so much. We must live in the banana belt.

I do think it warmed up enough to pry the dead rat one of the cats left in the driveway and dispose of it. The cats are so nice to leave us such gifts!

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Walking Round in Women's Underwear...

I just want to sing. It's so beautiful outside, a winter wonderland. Well, we got snow. Not the Winter Storm 2008 that was originally predicted but we got about an inch plus on the grass. The streets, well, at least the driveway, where I went to get the paper, is laced with ice and very crunchy.

The cats are freaked out by it. Fig was so upset that his public restroom (the back garden) was covered with this icy cold stuff that he decided to take a dump on my bathroom rug. He comes in from the cold, decides he wants to be with us in our room, then starts whining. He goes into the bathroom for a bit then starts scratching on the rug. Rob goes into the bathroom and chases him out. He goes back in and keeps scratching, so I go in. I'm about bowled over by the smell, which Rob missed entirely (and thankfully he didn't step in it, although that might have clued him in to the fact that the cat shit in the bathroom!!) I ended up cleaning it up and spraying down the room as it stank! I have to say I can't blame Rob for missing the poop, as he has problems smelling which is good and bad.

The thing I hate about snow here is that it doesn't stay cold enough so it will start to melt, then during the night it freezes and the morning is so damn icy and since we live on a hill, it's dangerous to get anywhere. I know that I'm not a good winter road driver, so I try not to but the rest of people out there scare me to death. I've a friend from a more snowy region of the US who goes on and on about how people here don't know how to drive in the snow. She's right. Of course she did have to get pulled out of the ditch in front of her house, but that's different, right? I just figure we don't get the practice of driving in the snow when it happens maybe 2 to 3 days out of the year.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Winter Storm Watch 2008.....

Danger Jim from the local TV station warned us of the impending winter storm coming our way. We need to gear up for the worst cold for 50 million years...or something like that. He stands at the beach, waves crashing around him, the wind whipping his perfect hair. Oh, the wind, gusts to 100, no, 60, no, 45 mph are expected. It will be a winter wonderland when we get up.

At 6pm, we took Nik to a friend's house and on the way we saw a transformer or insulator explode on a electric pole, there was about 3 bright flashes. We were impressed, having never seen this before. Of course this meant her friends were in the dark. Luckily they were all going to church. (yes, my daughter was going to church and we were going to a party, sinners all the way)

Well, we were at this party and got home at 11:45pm last night and there was a dusting of snow on the ground. We snuggled up, warm in our bed. At 5:30am the cats got me up. As I let them out, I braced for the impact of being snowed, there was a sloppy wet dusting of snow, er, slush on the lawn and it was raining. The cats spent about a minute out, then plopped down in front of their bowls for breakfast. I fed them and went back to bed. I chatted with Rob about "Winter Storm Not 2008" and told him a fed the cats so if he got up before me not to fall for their terrorist demands.

I crashed until 9am. Came down to the aroma of coffee and scones (love the man who cooks!). He informs me that he also fed the cats. Then smacks himself in the head. "But they acted like they were starving! I forgot what you said!" Now our well fed cats are sleeping off their feeding orgy by laying on the heat registers.

I'm happy, there is no snow, we have power, I got coffee and scones and Rob is planning on cooking dinner too!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Jury Duty Part 2

Today was the second day of my civic duty for my county. I boarded the bus and today it was warm. I dozed off and it was really nice. I checked in and found one of the dismissed jurors I was with yesterday (not Mr. political cause) and he and I chatted a bit about life etc. Suddenly he hits himself on the head and says, "I get it, I've been looking at your button and couldn't figure out what you making a statement about." I've been wearing this button for 20 years and I love it.

Anyway, at 10:15am, they dismissed us and we got to go home. I head out to catch a bus to the airport. It is so crowded I stand the whole way. Once there I wait 20 minutes for the bus to my town. Yipee, now I get to ride thru all my favorite areas of the south county. Finally we near the park and ride and my stop. Guess what? This bus doesn't stop there! I ring the bell and get off and hike to my car. It wasn't that far, but it was very cold and I forgot my mittens! It took me 2 hours to get home, but I did my duty and I was almost disappointed that I didn't get to be on a jury.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I didn't get to throw the book at anyone...

I went to the big city today to do my civic duty...Jury duty! This is the 3rd time in about a year I have been called to serve before that it was 31 years since my last summons.

I took the bus in, something I haven't done regularly for over 6 years. It took an hour to get there. There is a county courthouse about 10 minutes from my home, but I don't get a choice to go there. It makes about as much sense as having my mother-in-law who lives in the big city get sent to suburbia where I live to serve her jury duty. She had to take 3 buses to get there. It hasn't gotten any better going to the city and still took an hour for me to get there. I check in and then wait. After a while we get to listen to instructions, watch an instructional video and then wait some more. The clerk finally calls names for the first jury panel. 40 names, I was number 13. Off to the 7th floor to meet the bailiff. She has us line up in numerical order and then leads us to the courtroom. She stops and says, "number 13, please come to the front of the line" Hey that's me, what the heck did I do now, I haven't even set foot in the courtroom yet. Well, number 13 gets to lead the first 12 into the jury box and number 13 gets to sit right next to them. The others just took seats in the spectator section. Then the judge gives us more instructions, he introduces the cast - defendant, his attorney, the prosecutor, the clerk, the court reporter. Then he reads the charges and asks us if we know any of the witnesses listed. Finally the judges starts asking us questions to see what kind of people we are. Most of us seem fairly normal, just doing our duty. There was one nutcase who on hearing that this was a drug related case decides to expound on his beliefs that the USA is wasting taxpayers money on the war on drugs, yada yada yada. Every time the panel was asked something, this guy had something to say. Finally it's lunch, and we all race out of there for an hour and a half.

After lunch, the prosecutor and the defense attorney ask their questions. Then they start eliminating jurors. I was the first one the defense excused. I think it might have had something to do with the fact my husband is a cop. I don't know if Mr. political activist got dismissed or not. Anyway it was 3pm and I was so ready to go home. And since it went til 3pm I only had to take one bus home. If I had had to leave earlier I'd have had to take at least 2 buses and it would have been 2 hours to get home instead of an hour. All this fun for $10 a day.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Letters to Santa

Someone suggested to me that my teenage Girl Scouts should contact the post office and offer their services to respond to the Letters to Santa that they receive. Think how thoughtful it would be for little boys and girls to get an actual answer to their letter. Then I started thinking about it, especially when Nicole said it would probably be a good idea for me to review the answers before they are mailed back.

I'm sure it will be something like this:

"Dear Santa, I want a cute cuddly teddy bear and book of poems. Love, Anna"
"Dear Anna, Teddy's are so out, I'm going to bring you Bondage Barbie and a subscription to Cosmo Girl. Peace out, Santa!"

"Dear Santa, Please bring me a Star Wars light saber and some action figures. Your good friend, Bobby"
"Dear Bobby, Star Wars is so lame and action figures are just dolls for boys, you are gay. Here is a gift card to Abercrombie, try to look cool at least. Yo, Santa"

"Dear Santa, I want a wii, an xbox, a Nintendo DS and an iPod. And games for all and iTunes cards. I have been very good, Molly"
"Dear Molly, You couch potato! Get outside and do something. Santa will bring your lazy butt a bike and you will like it! Love to you always, Santa"

"Dear Santa, I hope you and Mrs Claus are doing well this year. And that the elves and reindeer are happy and healthy. If it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd like a bb gun for Christmas. I'm so glad we could meet at the mall. Love, Ralphie"
"Dear Ralphie, What a brown noser you are! That phoney at the mall didn't even have a real beard! As for a bb gun. You'll shoot you eye out, kid! From the REAL Santa!"

Of course that is just my fear of what might happen. They would never do anything like that....

Small Town Fun

I had a good day at the craft fair yesterday. I was positioned between my father-in-law who was selling hand carved wooden letter openers and my neighbor Joell who made hand stamped cards.

I was selling earrings, mini Christmas Stockings and small wallets. Here are some of the Shrinky Dink earrings I made to sell at the craft fair.

Here is a picture of a couple of my cozy wallets as I call them. They are big enough for your ID, a bank card or 2, some change and folded paper money. They are great for stuffing into your pocket when you don't want to carry a purse.
I made about $130 and I had fun chatting with so many people. I live in a fairly small community and so it's not hard to find someone you know.
After the fair, I met my Daisy Girl Scouts in town and we walked in the Santa Parade. They were dressed as Christmas Presents and were very cute, shyly waving at the crowds. The best part was IT DIDN'T RAIN!! I love my town.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Slangisms, Part 2

Because I have so much to do today getting ready for the craft fair tomorrow, I am slacking off again and taking the easy way out by bringing you Slangisms, Part 2.
Lego Hair: a particularly shitty male haircut in which the sides cover the ears and the hair appears to be "snap on".

Destinesia: When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. Not to be confused with being stoned, destinesia often occurs during working hours, and is the cause of much frustration.

Flatuglance: The look that someone gives another person when they pass gas in public.

Farticles: The particles of air contaminated after someone or something lets out gas.

Textpectation: The anticipation one feels when waiting for a response to a text message.

Mouse potato: Someone who spends all their time on the computer surfing the net or playing games.

Slangisms, Part 1

I was browsing the Urban Dictionary today and came across some entries that I enjoyed:

Homobrophobia: The fear that your brother will be or is gay.

Sargasm: Deriving far too much satisfaction from glibly berating another with sarcasm.

Deja moo: The feeling that you have heard this bullshit before.

Mass merchanditis: The hazy feeling one gets after spending too much time shopping at large chain stores including but not limited to Walmart, Home Depot, and Bed, Bath and Beyond. Characterized by a headache, dry eyes, blurred vision, blank stare, sore feet.

Stoptional: When the braking of a car is left to one's choice due to an unnecessary stop sign.

The Spousal We: The opposite of the royal we, meaning "you". Used by your significant other to get you to do something.