Saturday, December 27, 2008

Battle of the Bed

Rob and I don't get along in bed. At least not while we try to sleep. Rob loves to be sweaty hot under the sheets. I prefer to be almost cool. This causes some problems.

On our bed we have sheets, thin blanket, quilt and comforter. We get into bed and I toss the comforter over to Rob's side so now he has a double layer. He wants to snuggle up to me to warm up as when we get into bed, he is always ice cold and I am warm. I get into bed hoping to cool down as the sheets are a bit icy but Rob needs me to make him warm. So after about 3 minutes, I push him over and say, "too hot!" At this point, I also throw off the quilt so it's just me, the sheet and blanket. I also sleep next to the open window. No, I don't care that there is snow on the ground, I need air!

Finally everyone is at their prime temperature and we can sleep. I sleep on my right side almost on my tummy facing the middle of the bed. Rob likes to lie on his back right in the middle of the bed. This is not good if I don't get to sleep first because my husband snores. The men in his family are famous for their snoring. So if he starts to snore and it keeps me awake, I just go in with the 2 prong attack. (I poke him with 2 fingers) He will roll to his right side and the snoring lessens or stops. This also moves him to his side of the bed and I have some room. During this maneuvering he seldom wakes up. Unfortunately he doesn't stay on his side. His butt starts to creep towards me until he is snuggled up close. This makes me too hot. Now when I get too hot, I wake up and I get a bit cranky. I will gently push him over. If this doesn't work, I try the 2 prong attack. Sometimes, it's necessary to put a knee in his back and shove.

Even though he is now back in his territory, mine is now uninhabitable and must be cooled down. I will throw off the covers and flap my nightie up and down to create a breeze. Sometimes I have to get up and stand naked in the bathroom until things cool down. Finally I can return and try to sleep.

Last night all of this happened but one more thing. He didn't stop snoring. No amount of maneuvering turned the volume down. I ended up moving to the living room couch as sleep was not happening there. I had even tried waking him and telling him he was snoring but I don't think he even remembers we spoke.

So today I am tired. I hope to get to sleep first tonight before the battle starts anew. It can get worse than last night. Sometimes there is a cat in the bed too. There is nothing that heats me up like sleeping with a warm pussy and radiator man.


  1. That's sounds exactly like my husband and I. Even in the Summer I want to be burried under blankets, and he is hates it. Oh well!

  2. That's exactly like Gray and I! He's a freaking furnace, the temp in our bedroom sometimes reaches 80+ degrees, even in the winter, even with the window open. DRIVES ME CRAZY. And the snoring thing...I'm a light sleeper. Even with a white noise machine and a healthy dose of antihistimines and falling asleep first...the snoring keeps me up.

  3. After almost 23 years my husband still hasn't learned to let "sleeping wives lie". In other words, he likes to pat or rub my skin because it feels good to him, but it wakes me up when I'd like to sleep. Also, I'm per-menopausal and sometimes I just want my space.

  4. Well join me to your ranks, ladies. I race to the bed first...possession and all that. If I get to sleep first, I get most of the bed and the luxury on not hearing him rattle. If I do wake up and he is sawing down the forest like a beaver in heat, they I usually tap him...wait...tap him harder...wait...then I kick. This usually causes the turning of the tides and I settle down again. If drastic measures are called for, smacking him in the head is usually the last resort.