Blurtitis or is it Tourettes?

My husband is a nice guy. He does nice things, he says nice things, he thinks nice things. He doesn't get me. If I comment or ask him about a particularly annoying person, he will always find something nice to say about them. It is a gift. It must be something you are born with because it ain't in my jeans or genes.

I asked him today if it was hard for him not to blurt out what he really thought, that he must be suppressing snarky things since I spend most of my day doing just that. I try really hard to keep my thoughts to myself but damn, when something is bugging me or I observe something that absolutely necessitates a comment, I tend to blurt it out. I'm not trying to be cruel, I honestly think I'm funny. Rob says he doesn't have this problem as he doesn't have random opinions shooting around in his head looking for an outlet.

Rob likes to sit close to me, I thought it was because he loves me so much, but I think now it's to censure me. He will flick his finger against my thigh as a warning to SHUT THE FUCK UP! Of course Rob would never say FUCK, I don't think he is capable.

For example: We were at the pool and there was this poor kid who had a large mole in his back that was dark and hairy. I kind of blurted out to my friend, "OMG, he's got a hamster on his back!" It was huge and bushy and I'm sure it caused drag while swimming. Come on parents, at least clip it!! Rob is busy thumping my leg to shut me up, while my friend is rolling off the bleachers laughing. No one but the 3 of us heard it, so what's the problem?

It really hard living with such a nice guy. I try really hard to keep my thoughts in but the voices in my head really need to be let out! It's exhausting trying to be nice when funny things are happening that need to be pointed out. My dad was a funny guy and my mom didn't get him either.

Mom used to say, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all." My dad said, "If you can't say something nice, just make sure it's funny." But Olympia Dukakis said it best in Steel Magnolias, "If you can't say anything nice about someone, come sit by me!"