Christmas Cookies and Ornaments

Last night was party night with my Brownie Girl Scouts. First we lined up (some parents helped), each took a day from the Twelve Days of Christmas. We sang the first part together, then each girl had to sing their gift. The girl who had a partridge in a pear tree, had a tough time pronouncing partridge. They love it so much, we did the twelfth day twice.

Next they colored wooden ornaments and then they made shrinky dink ornaments. Some we shrunk in the oven but others we watched shrink as I blew my heat gun over them. They all got a kick out of watching them twist and make gross shapes before flattening out.

For snack they decorated cut out cookies. Lots of colored sprinkles, shapes and sugars over the frosting. And Mint Hot Chocolate. They were in heaven, in a sugar coma, bouncing off the walls. I'm so glad that none of those girls are mine and I got to send them home.

Teenage Girls

I'm very fortunate to have been a Girl Scout leader for over 9 years now. Currently I have a 2nd grade Brownie Troop and a 9th grade Senior Troop. Most of the 9th graders I have known for over 9 years and they are like my own kids.

At our Senior Girl Scout meeting we have a planning session on what to do next, do some badge work or an activity and then have a feast, er, snack. This last couple years I've been having them make their own snack. They get to chose for some meetings, I get to chose for others. Last night they got to decorate cut out cookies with frosting and sprinkles. It was a major sugar fest but then it's almost Christmas and we limited it to 2 cookies to eat now and take the rest home. They also consumed almost a gallon of milk too.

This time is also spent for open discussions. For most of them the topic is boys, school and fashion. They got started talking about how many of the boys at school talk openly about masturbation. My co leader and I let them carry on with these type of discussions and occasionally offer advice or correct misconceptions they have. Only 2 of the 8 girls are dating yet. I love that they can be open and feel free about their lives.

Oh yeah, our activity last night was cutting out snowflakes. They thought it was goofy until I showed them how to fold and cut the paper to make a 6 pointed flake. Then they didn't want to stop. Don't they teach snowflake making in school anymore? Next I'm going to show them paper doll chains.

Why I don't Blog much anymore

I haven't been myself for a while. I've been dealing with depression and other health related issues. I created My Cat ate my Brain as a place to post things that tickled my fancy or stories that I feel are hilarious. For a while now, its been a struggle to lay pen to paper, or in this case, finger to keyboard and get the ideas to come out. My meds are working tho and I'm feeling much better but other things aren't so good. These are the things I'm concentrating on now.

Most of my health issues are related to my weight. I'm fat, or as the doctor's term it morbidly obese. If I don't do something soon, I do not doubt that my life will be shorter and you can't blog from heaven. On Dec 23rd I'm having Gastric Bypass Surgery to help me on the way to a better and longer life. This is not a miracle cure or a skip in the park. It is a drastic life style change. My love affair with food is over and we are going to be just friends. And with most friends, you can only handle a little at a time.

To document my journey into the world of healthy living, I've created another blog called Losing It at http://toshortformyweight.blogspot.com/ Please stop by and lend me your support and encouragement along my journey.

May everyone have a great Christmas.

Chris

Premeditated Acts of Violence

Yesterday 4 Police Officers were slain by a lone gunman who entered a coffee shop known as a police hangout in a town near where I live. He went in with the intent to kill police officers. This incident comes less than a month after a car side shooting in Seattle where an officer was targeted. They have a suspect in the Seattle killing in custody. They have a suspect in the shooting yesterday but haven't found him to arrest as yet.

I am very upset by these killings. I'm frightened. The hubs is a police officer. Although we didn't know the officers slain or their families, we know what kind of people they are. They are us.

Do I worry about my hubs job? Yes
Do I wish he wasn't a cop? No
Would I ask him to change jobs? Never

I have immense pride in him and all those in law enforcement. He loves what he does. It takes a special person to be a cop. They don't do it for the money (it's not the best paying job around). They don't do it for the glory. They do it because they believe in our country, our communities, our safety.

I hope I never have to face what the families of those officers are going through. I pray my husband and his coworkers, his friends, never have to face a crazed killer.

Muppets are the Best!

Thanksgiving is all about family

As I do most years, I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my side of the family. With my brother and his family on the East Coast, it will be a much smaller affair but none the less it will be a challenging one.

My goal always in life is to make everyone happy, to cater to their wants and needs and make their time spend with me a pleasant one so they will continue to seek out my company.

This year I am striving to make a spectacular meals for all. My sister is gluten/lacto intolerant. My daughter Brianne can't have anything with corn products, including corn oil or corn syrup. My other kids are vegetarians and won't eat turkey or things made with meat or poultry products. (they are eating eggs and milk products tho, thank God.)

So on my menu I am making a Turkey and a Tofurkey. I am making a bread stuffing but not a corn bread stuffing. I'm asking my sister to take a lactate pill so I don't have to skip the butter and milk in the mashed potatoes, barring this I will hold out some potatoes from the mash and she can eat them like that. I will be making 3 kinds of gravy. One traditional with flour as a thickener, one with either corn starch or arrowroot as a thickener and one vegetarian (I saw this premade at a local store so all I will be doing is heating that up!)

Dessert is easy, pie for everyone except my sister who I will be picking up a gluten free treat for her tomorrow so she can indulge with the rest of us.

So the house is clean, I just need to go shopping for everything. Did I mention that I will be getting a fresh natural turkey and letting it sit in a brine over night so that it will be delicious?

I'm really just thankful that I will have my family together, that we will have fun and that my kids will have these traditions to draw from when they host Thanksgiving someday.

C-PAP - Fact or C-RAP?

So my pulmonary doctor is concerned about the amount of oxygen I'm getting. So he upped the amount of steroids I'm to inhale daily and had me tested for sleep apnea. The steroids I can handle, they aren't strong enough to alter my mood or grow hair on my chest but the sleep apnea? What a pain.

To determine if I had sleep apnea, they sent me home with a kit which had a chest belt with a machine attached and instruction to place it at nipple level but against the chest. Since I wasn't going to bind my chest flat, I opted for the other option of above the breast with the leads cutting into my arm pits. There was a tube with an attachment that went into my nostrils and my mouth. I put a monitor on my ring that glowed all night long. Now I was suppose to sleep naturally. The next day I returned the system for evaluation and guess what I have sleep apnea. I tried to explain that there was no way they could have gotten a correct diagnosis as I hardly slept but they seemed firm in their belief in the readings they got that they are correct. So off I go to get fitted for a CPAP machine and face mask.

The clinic went over how the damn thing works, how to keep it clean, how you might not sleep well for the first couple weeks. They fit me for a mask and get this, I'm a size SMALL, in fact they almost gave me the Petite SMALL! So finally I wear something in a SMALL. I brought home my luggage (the thing weighs a ton!) and got my distilled water for the attached humidifier and I was all set.

Come bed time, I set up my machine, adding the water as instructed, keeping the machine below the level of my head. I slip on the headgear with face mask, plug it in and lay down. Soon as I lay down, I realize I need to pee. So I disconnect the hose. The machine starts loudly blowing out air, until I find the button to turn it off. I do my business and plug myself back in and get into bed.

This machine is not made for people who sleep on their stomach and much of their face. I'm going to have to train myself to back sleep. The good thing about this machine is that it will pretty much eliminate my snoring that I do when I back sleep.

So I've had 3 nights on the MACHINE and I'm not feeling rested at all. I can't seem to adjust the humidity on it, so I'm either as dry as a bone or drowning in the accumulated condensation. I'm also trying to give up caffeine, I'm down to half caff coffee and no other caffeinated beverages. All this in pursuit of better health. I might be healthier soon if it doesn't kill me first.

Living with Cats, many Cats!

This is my life times 4.
Did I mention that we have a 16 week old kitten now? It's suppose to be Aaron's cat but I spend more time with him.

The Screaming is getting fainter

Something happened to me over the summer or maybe even sooner, I'm not sure I can pin point when it started but I know when I realized that something was wrong. About the end of August I decided I had better make my yearly appointment with my doctor. I usually try and put this off as long as possible but I was not feeling at all like myself. Not a purely physical thing but a mental thing. I was finding it harder and harder to cope with every day life. I sometimes felt like I was screaming inside my head and every day that screaming was getting louder.

I hadn't mentioned any urgency when I made my appointment so I had a couple weeks to wait. I should have made it sooner but hey, I wasn't sick, I just was a bit anxious. But as the days ticked by, my anxiety got worse and worse. Always a procrastinator, I found myself putting off things more and more. I was crying alot at Aaron's antics. One day Rob called with a great offer on a vacation in Palm Springs. He had a friend who couldn't use their condo, all we had to do is pay for our airfare and food, etc. I snapped, I couldn't be faced with making this kind of decision. Every aspect of this trip caused my chest to tighten and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The next day I saw my doctor.

I love Dr Smith. He is a very soft spoken kind man. As I weepingly told him my problems, he had me do an evaluation that helped him determine how bad I felt my life was. He prescribed an antidepressant and a mild tranquilizer to help when I felt really anxious. We also talked about other health related issues and I left feeling better about things.

The first couple weeks I started to feel a bit better. The screaming was not as loud and not as frequent. I still had some extreme bouts of anxiety but I don't like the tranqs, they make me loopy and more tired. For a while I wasn't able to go shopping for more than 10-15 minutes before I couldn't handle it any longer. I was grocery shopping almost every day as I couldn't get more than a few items at a time. This last week I finally did a fair amount of shopping. I felt that this was a huge accomplishment.

I've had to back out of some commitments and have felt I have let people down because of my mental health. My daughter Brianne has been a great support to me as she understands what I'm going thru and I now understand her inner hell that she dealt with most of her life. Rob has been there for me always, even when at my worst when I doubt that I'm worthy of his love and devotion.

The medication is working. Most days I don't hear the screaming but I can tell it's still under the surface. I set goals for myself each day but I don't feel badly when I have to edit the list because it's too much for me. Each thing I can do, I give myself a pat on the back as it might seem like nothing but to me its a big thing.

I'm sure I've alienated some of my friends during this time. I've kind of shut myself off from the outside trying to keep as much drama out of my life. And my paranoia that I don't have any real friends hasn't been helpful.

I'm better than I was a month ago, better than I was just last week. I working hard to come back to being myself. I see me peeking out now and then and it's wonderful.

Dear World

I thought I'd write something but I'm really loopy. Doctor gave me great drugs to calm me down. I think I'm going to crawl off to bed. I can't wait for the "happy" pills to kick in. At least the tranq stopped the screaming in my head.

Love
Chris