My Cat ate my Brain

Abscessing Over Cats

2011-06-13T07:11:00.000-07:00

Rough week for my cat Charlie. I noticed last week that he was a bit droopy in the tail department and when I went to check it out, he freaked out, hissing and growling. Charlie is not like that, he is the most mellow of my 4 cats normally. I let him outside to use the potty (AKA the garden) and figured he must have gotten in a fight and been bitten. When he came back to door, I looked at him and said, hem, I think I need to take you to the vet. Charlie of course, being the smart cat that he is, turned tail and hid in the rose bushes. I called the vet and they said to bring him right in. Easier said than done.

I got my son to come outside with me to play the game of Capture the Cat. For a hurting and seemingly lethargic cat, he was moving pretty fast. After I had removed the rose bush and blackberry thorns from my ass that I got from scrambling after the cat, I called the vet and said the mission was NO GO. We made a tentative appointment for the next morning. Charlie did not show up again until just before 5pm. Did I mention that he can tell time? He knew the vet was now closing. He has done this before, showing up when he knew the vet was closed.

I decided that since he was in the house, I wasn't going to chance him disappearing again, so I set up a litter box. Charlie hates to use a box. He looked at me, climbing and promptly rolled around in the box. I think if he could have, he'd have flipped me off! He then went and hid out in my daughter's room for the night.

The next morning, Charlie was a sick kitty. The tail issue was bad and you could now see the abscess. I locked him into the bedroom and woke me son to help me with Capture the Cat Phase Two. It wasn't very hard this time, he just didn't have the energy although stuffing him into the carrier there was a bit of a scuffle.

He got to spend the day at the vet, they had to sedate him. He was not a happy camper. So $170 later, Charlie has a new poodle style shaved tail and is healing up. He is still avoiding me like the plague and gives me the stink eye. My daughter said she had never seen Charlie glare so darkly than when he is looking at me.

Our next step is to try and snip out the drain from his tail. Our first attempt was unsuccessful with Charlie peeing all over when we tried to hold him down. The vet said he may resist this procedure and it was okay to let him chew it off himself if need be. That's the route I'm voting for.

2011-06-10T06:47:00.001-07:00

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers

June is a Busy Month

2011-06-09T17:03:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's June already. So much is happening. I finally filled out my paperwork for the school district so they can officially hire me (meaning: start paying me). I've been volunteering in the drama dept as a costumer this school year and I must have done a great job since they now want to pay me. This means I'm accountable for all the costuming and no longer just the assistant. I'm hoping to find a kindred soul (aka a parent who sews) who can step in if I get overwhelmed. I did find a student who is willing to be my in school assistant. She is a great kid and lives, breathes drama. She was a little hesitant as she doesn't know what to do. I told her I was winging it also so we were prefect for it together. I've got my first meeting with my new boss on Saturday morning.

Last weekend Rob and I chaperoned about 60 choir kids to a trip to Idaho's Silverwood Amusement Park and Music in the Park Festival. Our kids didn't get the highest honors but they did have a good time. I had 2 groups of girls to keep an eye on. One group was well behaved and kept in touch with me all weekend. The others, well, I just hope nine months from now, we won't have any little reminders showing up. All their boyfriends are in choir also. I hated riding in a bus for 6 hours but otherwise it was a nice trip.

Tonight Nicole has her final choir performance for the year. Saturday I drop her off at a friend's grad party then I have my meeting. Right after that, I've been invited to a garden party at one of my Zumba buddy's house. She lives in a gated community. It will be nice to see how the other half lives. Saturday afternoon, I take Nicole to get her hair done as she's got a date to go to the Prom! Late night for us, waiting for her to get home. Sunday and Monday I will be sewing, sewing sewing. I've been taking in alterations from the Zumba ladies. It's bringing in some vacation money, woohoo! Tuesday night is the drama club banquet. Then there is more grad parties, banquets, end of year Girl Scout parties, dance recitals, etc.

On June 25th we leave on a much needed vacation to Southern California. We are throwing in a couple of college tours but really we just wanted to go to Disneyland with Nicole since she has never been. Lucky for us (her) our good friends will be in Anaheim the same time and Nicole will have a friend to go on rides with instead of her lame parents. And her lame parents can act goofy and go on rides without the eye rolling. Got some really good deals on hotels near Disneyland. I think the cost of admission is more than our hotel costs. I'm very excited to visit Disneyland again. Last time I was there I was pregnant and fat. It will be so much fun to not worry about fitting into the rides and being able to walk for hours without pain or fatigue. I'm liking being healthy.

I haven't had time to work on my jewelry designs much lately. I do have some things in the works and I'm thinking of applying to sell at the Mourning Market, a dark inspired craft show in Seattle in August. I'm not sure my Steampunk style fits their criteria but I'll see. I will need an outfit too. So much to do and so little time.

I'm Back!.....

2011-05-17T09:02:00.001-07:00

It's been over a year since I last posted. Lots of things have changed in my life in the last 18 months. I've lost over 130 lbs. This has changed me completely. Not just in appearance but in my whole outlook on life. I'm not in constant pain from my joints that were protesting the abuse I was giving them being so heavy. My days had no purpose and I was wallowing in self pity.

Now I have a job at a local high school making costumes for the Drama dept. I love the sewing and creating for these kids. I'm making jewelry, always a passion of mine and have my own Etsy shop http://www.etsy.com/shop/victoriouscat (shameless plug) I've been exploring the Neo Victorian Steampunk Genre and love working with vintage items and re purposing them into new things.

I exercise now! I'm off my butt and the aches I get now are from sore muscles. I didn't even know I had muscles. I'm loving Zumba and although I have 2 left feet (sometimes it looks like I have 3 left feet), I'm moving and jiggling and sweating and having a ball. Who knew it could be fun to exercise? Not this couch potato but I'm a reformed woman.
I'm not even sure if anyone even remembers that I had a blog but I'm going to try and keep up and post a bunch about my jewelry and other projects. I'm working on a Steampunk Frock Coat that I'm making from a gorgeous brocade jacket.

Isn't life fun?

Mirrors

2010-04-30T14:52:00.000-07:00

Have you priced mirrors lately? C'mon, it's just a piece of glass with silver paint, right? I'd like to put a nice one over my mantel but I'm reeling over the cost of those I like.

So I've been thinking about mirrors. I like the dining room mirror since it is an antique but no one hardly looks in it. I use the bathroom mirrors to put on what little makeup I wear and brushing whats left of my hair. I try to use the bathroom mirrors to see to pluck those damn hairs that appear on my chin, which I check for constantly but don't seem to find until I'm somewhere in public and am sure everyone notices it. The bathroom mirrors in my house are not good for finding these chin hairs. The light is not good in any of the bathrooms. But if it is a sunny day, the car's vanity mirror in the visor is great for finding and plucking those hairs.

My teenage daughter is appalled that I go into the car in the driveway and groom my chin.

I lost my funny

2010-04-24T17:45:00.000-07:00

About 9 months ago I was going thru a major anxiety issue and my doctor put me on Prozac. I'm not complaining, it did wonders for calming me down and stopped me from feeling like everyone was trying to put a knife in my back. But I do think it evened out my personality a bit too much. I can't seem to see the hilarity in life like I use to. I'm considering getting off the Prozac and will be discussing this with my doctor in a few weeks. I want my funny back.

I still find a lot of humor in everyday living but when I try to write about it, it seems too forced or more like a list of complaints (wait, isn't what this is? Shit, am I going to have to delete this too? AAARRGGH!)

It could be that I've lost my funny along with my fat. Perhaps I was one of those fat jolly people and as I've lost weight, I'm no longer jolly? Well, I should be damn funny still since I've got loads more fat to drop!

Cookies Galore

2010-03-14T11:21:00.000-07:00

I took over the job of Girl Scout Cookie Manager for all of my town. There are about 30+ Girl Scout Troops with about 350 girls. My job is to supply all the troops with the 8 varieties of GS cookies throughout the sale. I keep a stock of cookies to parcel out and resupply as needed. My goal at the end of today, the last day of sales is to have an empty garage. So far my plan has failed.

Every year GSUSA changes the types of cookies we sell. They will always have Thin Mints, Samoas, Trefoils, DoSiDos and Tagalongs. Then they have 3 other types that they replace after 1-3 years. This year the 3 types we have are Lemon Chalet Cremes, Dulce de Leche, and Thank U Berry Munch. All three are not selling very well, with the Lemon hardly selling at all. The Lemons got bad press this year. The bakery recalled some lots of Lemons because the taste was "off". Now our council did not receive any of these packages but the local news reported it and people were leery. Many of my troops found they could not sell these so I took them back. The Dulces are selling because they changed them from the previous year and the Thank U's have cranberries in them and people are just not jumping at that.

My garage is full of Lemons, Dulces and Berries. Now we have a program to deal with left over cookies. We collect donations for Operation Cookie Drop. Our donations are used to buy our cookies to send to US military. People are very supportive of this drive and give generously. The cookies left in my garage are used for Operation Cookie Drop. I really hope that the military loves the taste lemon as I think the bulk of what they are getting will be these. Besides, the chocolate based cookies don't travel as well and melt in the heat of the desert.

Buy cookies!

New Year Resolution

2010-01-06T17:03:00.000-08:00

I started swimming at the local pool yesterday. This doesn't seem like a big deal but I don't think I've put on a swim suit for a couple of years.

So I dig thru my dresser and find 4 swim suits. One is so old that I can see thru the thing so it's out. Another was old but looked okay. And 2 were practically new. Both the good suits were the same size so I figure I'm set...until I try them on. One is just a tad to big and the other cut circulation off in my legs.

I wear the one good suit that is a tad big and it's okay, a little low in the front but I didn't swim out of it. My friend Mary and I spent about 45 minutes in the pool and it was fun. I did about 6 lengths of the pool and a lot of treading and kicking and floating.

Today my suit was still a bit damp so I wore the one that looked okay. It was fine until I got into the water and the last of the spandex disappeared and I had saggy bottom. Not that I don't have saggy bottom all the time but this was ugly.

So now I have one suit that fits and one that will fit soon (I hope). I did 30 minutes in the pool today and I can't wait to go again. I got a 3 month pass to help keep me motivated.

Tiny Rocks

2009-12-21T07:29:00.000-08:00

Every morning I swing out of bed and into my slippers and every morning there is tiny gravel in my slippers. Now I know that no one else in the family wears my slippers so where's the mysterious rocks coming from? My bed is not full of tiny stones as Rob would have a fit as he can't sleep if there is a wrinkle in the sheets much less a sand box.

You would think that I would shake out my slippers before putting them on each day to clear them of these tiny pest. But I don't.

Have a Rocking Christmas.

My Favorite Christmas Song

2009-12-19T04:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas Cookies and Ornaments

2009-12-17T20:17:00.000-08:00

Last night was party night with my Brownie Girl Scouts. First we lined up (some parents helped), each took a day from the Twelve Days of Christmas. We sang the first part together, then each girl had to sing their gift. The girl who had a partridge in a pear tree, had a tough time pronouncing partridge. They love it so much, we did the twelfth day twice.

Next they colored wooden ornaments and then they made shrinky dink ornaments. Some we shrunk in the oven but others we watched shrink as I blew my heat gun over them. They all got a kick out of watching them twist and make gross shapes before flattening out.

For snack they decorated cut out cookies. Lots of colored sprinkles, shapes and sugars over the frosting. And Mint Hot Chocolate. They were in heaven, in a sugar coma, bouncing off the walls. I'm so glad that none of those girls are mine and I got to send them home.

Teenage Girls

2009-12-15T08:12:00.000-08:00

I'm very fortunate to have been a Girl Scout leader for over 9 years now. Currently I have a 2nd grade Brownie Troop and a 9th grade Senior Troop. Most of the 9th graders I have known for over 9 years and they are like my own kids.

At our Senior Girl Scout meeting we have a planning session on what to do next, do some badge work or an activity and then have a feast, er, snack. This last couple years I've been having them make their own snack. They get to chose for some meetings, I get to chose for others. Last night they got to decorate cut out cookies with frosting and sprinkles. It was a major sugar fest but then it's almost Christmas and we limited it to 2 cookies to eat now and take the rest home. They also consumed almost a gallon of milk too.

This time is also spent for open discussions. For most of them the topic is boys, school and fashion. They got started talking about how many of the boys at school talk openly about masturbation. My co leader and I let them carry on with these type of discussions and occasionally offer advice or correct misconceptions they have. Only 2 of the 8 girls are dating yet. I love that they can be open and feel free about their lives.

Oh yeah, our activity last night was cutting out snowflakes. They thought it was goofy until I showed them how to fold and cut the paper to make a 6 pointed flake. Then they didn't want to stop. Don't they teach snowflake making in school anymore? Next I'm going to show them paper doll chains.

Why I don't Blog much anymore

2009-12-14T10:22:00.000-08:00

I haven't been myself for a while. I've been dealing with depression and other health related issues. I created My Cat ate my Brain as a place to post things that tickled my fancy or stories that I feel are hilarious. For a while now, its been a struggle to lay pen to paper, or in this case, finger to keyboard and get the ideas to come out. My meds are working tho and I'm feeling much better but other things aren't so good. These are the things I'm concentrating on now.

Most of my health issues are related to my weight. I'm fat, or as the doctor's term it morbidly obese. If I don't do something soon, I do not doubt that my life will be shorter and you can't blog from heaven. On Dec 23rd I'm having Gastric Bypass Surgery to help me on the way to a better and longer life. This is not a miracle cure or a skip in the park. It is a drastic life style change. My love affair with food is over and we are going to be just friends. And with most friends, you can only handle a little at a time.

To document my journey into the world of healthy living, I've created another blog called Losing It at http://toshortformyweight.blogspot.com/ Please stop by and lend me your support and encouragement along my journey.

May everyone have a great Christmas.

Chris

Premeditated Acts of Violence

2009-11-30T09:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday 4 Police Officers were slain by a lone gunman who entered a coffee shop known as a police hangout in a town near where I live. He went in with the intent to kill police officers. This incident comes less than a month after a car side shooting in Seattle where an officer was targeted. They have a suspect in the Seattle killing in custody. They have a suspect in the shooting yesterday but haven't found him to arrest as yet.

I am very upset by these killings. I'm frightened. The hubs is a police officer. Although we didn't know the officers slain or their families, we know what kind of people they are. They are us.

Do I worry about my hubs job? Yes
Do I wish he wasn't a cop? No
Would I ask him to change jobs? Never

I have immense pride in him and all those in law enforcement. He loves what he does. It takes a special person to be a cop. They don't do it for the money (it's not the best paying job around). They don't do it for the glory. They do it because they believe in our country, our communities, our safety.

I hope I never have to face what the families of those officers are going through. I pray my husband and his coworkers, his friends, never have to face a crazed killer.

Muppets are the Best!

2009-11-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving is all about family

2009-11-24T08:38:00.000-08:00

As I do most years, I'm cooking Thanksgiving dinner for my side of the family. With my brother and his family on the East Coast, it will be a much smaller affair but none the less it will be a challenging one.

My goal always in life is to make everyone happy, to cater to their wants and needs and make their time spend with me a pleasant one so they will continue to seek out my company.

This year I am striving to make a spectacular meals for all. My sister is gluten/lacto intolerant. My daughter Brianne can't have anything with corn products, including corn oil or corn syrup. My other kids are vegetarians and won't eat turkey or things made with meat or poultry products. (they are eating eggs and milk products tho, thank God.)

So on my menu I am making a Turkey and a Tofurkey. I am making a bread stuffing but not a corn bread stuffing. I'm asking my sister to take a lactate pill so I don't have to skip the butter and milk in the mashed potatoes, barring this I will hold out some potatoes from the mash and she can eat them like that. I will be making 3 kinds of gravy. One traditional with flour as a thickener, one with either corn starch or arrowroot as a thickener and one vegetarian (I saw this premade at a local store so all I will be doing is heating that up!)

Dessert is easy, pie for everyone except my sister who I will be picking up a gluten free treat for her tomorrow so she can indulge with the rest of us.

So the house is clean, I just need to go shopping for everything. Did I mention that I will be getting a fresh natural turkey and letting it sit in a brine over night so that it will be delicious?

I'm really just thankful that I will have my family together, that we will have fun and that my kids will have these traditions to draw from when they host Thanksgiving someday.

C-PAP - Fact or C-RAP?

2009-11-23T10:29:00.000-08:00

So my pulmonary doctor is concerned about the amount of oxygen I'm getting. So he upped the amount of steroids I'm to inhale daily and had me tested for sleep apnea. The steroids I can handle, they aren't strong enough to alter my mood or grow hair on my chest but the sleep apnea? What a pain.

To determine if I had sleep apnea, they sent me home with a kit which had a chest belt with a machine attached and instruction to place it at nipple level but against the chest. Since I wasn't going to bind my chest flat, I opted for the other option of above the breast with the leads cutting into my arm pits. There was a tube with an attachment that went into my nostrils and my mouth. I put a monitor on my ring that glowed all night long. Now I was suppose to sleep naturally. The next day I returned the system for evaluation and guess what I have sleep apnea. I tried to explain that there was no way they could have gotten a correct diagnosis as I hardly slept but they seemed firm in their belief in the readings they got that they are correct. So off I go to get fitted for a CPAP machine and face mask.

The clinic went over how the damn thing works, how to keep it clean, how you might not sleep well for the first couple weeks. They fit me for a mask and get this, I'm a size SMALL, in fact they almost gave me the Petite SMALL! So finally I wear something in a SMALL. I brought home my luggage (the thing weighs a ton!) and got my distilled water for the attached humidifier and I was all set.

Come bed time, I set up my machine, adding the water as instructed, keeping the machine below the level of my head. I slip on the headgear with face mask, plug it in and lay down. Soon as I lay down, I realize I need to pee. So I disconnect the hose. The machine starts loudly blowing out air, until I find the button to turn it off. I do my business and plug myself back in and get into bed.

This machine is not made for people who sleep on their stomach and much of their face. I'm going to have to train myself to back sleep. The good thing about this machine is that it will pretty much eliminate my snoring that I do when I back sleep.

So I've had 3 nights on the MACHINE and I'm not feeling rested at all. I can't seem to adjust the humidity on it, so I'm either as dry as a bone or drowning in the accumulated condensation. I'm also trying to give up caffeine, I'm down to half caff coffee and no other caffeinated beverages. All this in pursuit of better health. I might be healthier soon if it doesn't kill me first.

Living with Cats, many Cats!

2009-10-22T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is my life times 4.
Did I mention that we have a 16 week old kitten now? It's suppose to be Aaron's cat but I spend more time with him.

The Screaming is getting fainter

2009-10-10T15:39:00.000-07:00

Something happened to me over the summer or maybe even sooner, I'm not sure I can pin point when it started but I know when I realized that something was wrong. About the end of August I decided I had better make my yearly appointment with my doctor. I usually try and put this off as long as possible but I was not feeling at all like myself. Not a purely physical thing but a mental thing. I was finding it harder and harder to cope with every day life. I sometimes felt like I was screaming inside my head and every day that screaming was getting louder.

I hadn't mentioned any urgency when I made my appointment so I had a couple weeks to wait. I should have made it sooner but hey, I wasn't sick, I just was a bit anxious. But as the days ticked by, my anxiety got worse and worse. Always a procrastinator, I found myself putting off things more and more. I was crying alot at Aaron's antics. One day Rob called with a great offer on a vacation in Palm Springs. He had a friend who couldn't use their condo, all we had to do is pay for our airfare and food, etc. I snapped, I couldn't be faced with making this kind of decision. Every aspect of this trip caused my chest to tighten and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The next day I saw my doctor.

I love Dr Smith. He is a very soft spoken kind man. As I weepingly told him my problems, he had me do an evaluation that helped him determine how bad I felt my life was. He prescribed an antidepressant and a mild tranquilizer to help when I felt really anxious. We also talked about other health related issues and I left feeling better about things.

The first couple weeks I started to feel a bit better. The screaming was not as loud and not as frequent. I still had some extreme bouts of anxiety but I don't like the tranqs, they make me loopy and more tired. For a while I wasn't able to go shopping for more than 10-15 minutes before I couldn't handle it any longer. I was grocery shopping almost every day as I couldn't get more than a few items at a time. This last week I finally did a fair amount of shopping. I felt that this was a huge accomplishment.

I've had to back out of some commitments and have felt I have let people down because of my mental health. My daughter Brianne has been a great support to me as she understands what I'm going thru and I now understand her inner hell that she dealt with most of her life. Rob has been there for me always, even when at my worst when I doubt that I'm worthy of his love and devotion.

The medication is working. Most days I don't hear the screaming but I can tell it's still under the surface. I set goals for myself each day but I don't feel badly when I have to edit the list because it's too much for me. Each thing I can do, I give myself a pat on the back as it might seem like nothing but to me its a big thing.

I'm sure I've alienated some of my friends during this time. I've kind of shut myself off from the outside trying to keep as much drama out of my life. And my paranoia that I don't have any real friends hasn't been helpful.

I'm better than I was a month ago, better than I was just last week. I working hard to come back to being myself. I see me peeking out now and then and it's wonderful.

Dear World

2009-09-16T23:46:00.001-07:00

I thought I'd write something but I'm really loopy. Doctor gave me great drugs to calm me down. I think I'm going to crawl off to bed. I can't wait for the "happy" pills to kick in. At least the tranq stopped the screaming in my head.

Love
Chris

Death Star Canteen

2009-08-02T07:47:00.001-07:00

Remember Road Tripping?

2009-07-31T21:29:00.001-07:00

When I was a kid, my dad would take a month vacation off during the summer. Mom would provide us with a list of clothes and things to bring. We would spend a week packing up the trailer getting ready for the dreaded ROAD TRIP! I really did look forward to the trip every year because I was the kid who was always optimistic that this trip would be the best trip ever.

We always seem to plan this during the hottest part of summer and no, we never had AC in our vehicles. That would have been a waste of money! Open the damn windows and smell that dairy air! There was one particular summer that I remember with much horror now. We took a trip across the Canadian Rockies. My dad decided to treat us to a night eating out in a restaurant. My sisters were 16 (Cathy) and 4 (Carrie) , my brother was 3 (Eric) and I was 10. Cathy wouldn't let me read in the car as it made her sick to her stomach and I got stuck sitting between my youngest siblings to keep them from poking each other. No window seat for me, unless Carrie got sick or had a bloody nose (like she did this on purpose I'm sure) then she got to ride up front with Mom and Dad. The whole while she is up there she keeps peeking into the back seat and smirking that she is special. This act went on for many more trips. She was so smug!

So the night we ate at this restaurant was bedlam. Carrie and Eric are running all over the place and Dad is livid. He swore he wouldn't never take them out to a restaurant ever again. (we did finally go out when I turned 18 and I asked if we could have a family meal out, Dad was worried until I reminded him that Carrie was 12 and Eric 11 and maybe they wouldn't spend all their time under the table during dinner). On the way back to the trailer, we almost hit a horse that running loose in the road. Someone else was not so lucky and had hit another horse. I can still see it on the ground bucking in pain. We were all shook up.

A few days later we were camping in a park. We are all outside enjoying a meal when we hear the rattle of trash cans. Bears are in the park. Everyone dashes into the trailer and Dad locks the door. They hear pounding at the door. Everyone is terrified until Cathy realizes that I'm locked outside with the bears! I carried that resentment of being forgotten a long time.

Of course our car broke down in the middle of no where. Dad got a ride to town from a nice Canadian in a heating oil truck. He took Dad there and back. We got to stay with the stranded car and trailer in the hot hot sun for hours.

Another place we stopped was at the edge of a glacier. Everyone was climbing up onto the glacier to cool off. I saw this wet looking rock to step on to help me up. It was a steep step up onto the glacier. I stepped onto the rock and sunk up to my knees in mud. For that last 40 years I have been reminded by my loving family about the time I fell into a glacier. That trip is forever in my memory bank.

Another year another road trip. We had a new car, a Suburban. Again no AC, wtf? Dad did a weird little air cooler that you added ice to, plugged it into the lighter and a fan would blow cool air at you if you were lucky enough to be in the front seat. Unfortunately I was in the 3rd row seats. Cathy and Carrie got the middle seat and Eric and I were in the way back. The place where the windows don't roll down. Why didn't I get to sit in the middle? Because then Carrie and Eric would be in the back together and fight. At least I could read back there as it didn't bother Cathy. Dad loved the Suburban. He put in seat covers to protect it. These were stiff plastic bumpy patterned covers. There were so hot to sit on and when you got up, you were stuck to them so it felt like you were ripping your skin off. And you got the added bonus of the red marks of the pattern on the back of your thighs for all to see as you walked around. Over time the cover got tears in them. These gave you quite a pinch if you were bare legged on those seats.

Carrie was always getting sick on trips or a bloody nose. That girl lost gallons of blood it seemed. So up in the front with Mom and Dad she would go, getting a bit of cool relief from the lame ass air cooling system. Do you think I'd get to move up a seat? Nope, Eric got to, as he would cry if he had to be in the back alone. If Carrie was sick at night, she got to sleep with Mom in the big bed/sofa in the trailer. This forced Dad to sleep in the fold down bunk by the roof with me. Dad was a big guy and he insisted on sleeping on the edge so I was stuck behind him. Trapped! Of course I always had to get up to use the bathroom in the night so this meant that Dad had to drag out of his sleeping bag, climb down so I could go. Needless to say, Dad put a stop to his having to sleep up there after a couple of times. Carrie just had to suffer in her own bed.

I do remember these trips with fondness tho. It was good and at times bad. And the great thing is that I have forced my own kids to partake in the occasional road trip. Not as long and not as far away. It's a child rite of passage. The ROAD TRIP!

When did my home town become Dante's Inferno?

2009-07-30T17:26:00.000-07:00

Whoo Hoo! it only got up to 97 degrees today! Yesterday it was 105. Tomorrow it might drop 10 more degrees. This is incredible. I live on the wet side of the mountains in Washington State because I have webbed feet. I truly don't mind the rain. I like how green things stay all year long. I have a moss problem in my back yard because it is usually a bog area. Do you know that when moss dries out it turns orange? So my yard is yellow (the tuffs of grass), orange (the moss) and green (the f-ing dandelions!!).

My house has old aluminum windows so that means drafty in winter and wtf hot in summer. Someday we will upgrade.... Anyway, we are trying to stay cool. I spend a lot of time looking in the freezers. The cool air is so refreshing and I didn't really want to cook all that food anyway. I figure I can take the turkey to bed with me. I got in trouble at the grocery store for checking the expiration dates on the frozen veggies. Hey there were a lot of them, I had to practically climb inside the door! And I was so going to pay for all that beer I drank. I thought it was great place for a picnic, the beverage aisle at Fred Meyer. I went to the movie theater today just so I could sit for 2 1/2 hours in A/C. It was worth the price of the ticket for that. And I hadn't seen Harry Potter so that was a bonus!

My poor kitties are taking a beating in this heat. I have been giving them lots of water and trying to reassure them that it's not my fault. They have been giving me the evil eye for a couple of days now.

The one true haven is our bedroom. We have a window A/C unit that I forced Rob to buy a couple years ago when I started the menopause. I told him that if I couldn't sleep then neither would he. He ran right out and got me that unit. Today is thanked me over and over again for making him buy it. I guess you can't even find a box fan much less an A/C in the area right now.

So maybe I will melt off a few pounds during this weather event so it will all be worth it.

Is Crisis the new High?

2009-07-18T16:23:00.000-07:00

I know a couple of people who seem to thrive on crisis. I think they get joy out of having turmoil in their lives. They also seem to get some kind of pleasure out of the suffering of others. They are very quick to jump on some one's bandwagon and make judgments from what they hear from others without ever considering there maybe another side of the story or that the story they heard was perhaps enhanced to make the teller feel better about their actions? Even when they know the other person or persons involved, they might still accept what they were told at face value. Maybe it's just me, but just because someone says it's so, I don't always believe it. I tend to think that the person spreading the story has some agenda because why talk about unpleasant situations with those who didn't need to know about it in the first place?

I'm not perfect, far from it. But I like to think that people are basically good and as adults, we should be able to find solutions to problems without alienating each other. I tend to turn the other cheek alot and let things slide when I can't make things better. I was told recently that I'm always trying to pat things down and find a way to make everyone happy. I got the feeling they felt this trait was a bad thing.

Maybe I'm just a fucking Pollyanna and that's why I keep turning the other cheek until I get kicked in the ass. Should I go around expecting the worse to happen, expect the worst from people, look for a disaster around every corner? I'm just clueless I guess. I've either got my head in the clouds or up my ass.

Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman's got to hold on to

2009-07-11T11:16:00.000-07:00

I was up at the butt crack of dawn this morning - that's 3:30am, to take my hubs up to meet his friends for a 2 day bike ride. The STP (Seattle to Portland) is a 1 or 2 day 200+ mile road trip for fun. I get the pleasure of taking him on Saturday morning to start and then drive to Portland on Sunday to drag his sorry ass home again. I've started taking Nicole with me so I have someone to talk to on the ride there and back. She gets to do some taxfree shopping at the mall so its a win win situation.

While we were driving at 3:30am this morning Rob and I started talking about small towns and their school systems. He was saying that he is staying in Winlock tonight and they only have one elem, one middle and one high school. This got me thinking about my first steady boyfriend I had when I was 16. He lived a one horse town and was bussed to a 2 horse town for school. All grades were housed in one building. His senior class had 6 students. I came from an inner city high school, we had almost 400 in just our class.

I met Steven at our vacation property. His grandparents had a place there and we met at the lake. It was a last minute summer romance. We decided to stay in touch via the mail. This was a long long time ago, before the Internet. It was snail mail all the way. He lived 50 miles from me, I didn't see him but about once a month or so. But as a teenager I gained ground with my friends as I had an actual boyfriend and none of them did. I was not a very nice girlfriend to him tho, I flirted with other guys, went to parties to hit on guys. I liked having the idea of a boyfriend, just not the responsibilities involved. Summer came and we headed out to our vacation property. My dad was retired so we spent pretty much all summer during the week out there. Dad didn't like the weekends there so we would go home for them. This was not good for my social life at the lake. All the good parties were on the weekends. I had made some girl friends out there so I started staying with their families on the weekends. At least that was what we would say. We would end up at someones empty cabin sans parents and get very drunk. One of these weekends I lost my virginity and it wasn't with my boyfriend. OOOPPS! My boyfriend I hardly saw as he was working most of the summer. He did finally make arrangements to come to the lake on the eve of our one year anniversary. I was so over him at this point and wanted to break up but thought it was too harsh to do it in a letter or on the phone so I just continued to have a good time and keep stringing him along until the big day. I plotted out the breakup, discussed with my girl friends what I was going to say. I so broke his heart, he cried. I was disgusted at his weak behavior. I was a cold hearted bitch. I loved it.

So I'm telling this story to the hubs this morning and he just looks at me like, WTF! I said, I had to break up with him, I was starting my senior year, I didn't want to be tied down! I asked him if he had ever plotted for weeks to break up with someone. He said, OMG no!

I then told him it wasn't nearly as satisfying as when I got rid of my first husband, the Sperm Donor. Rob just shook his head, kissed me goodbye and road off into the dawn's early light.

Happy 5th of July

2009-07-05T20:42:00.000-07:00

It's the day after Independence Day but where I live the celebration lives on. Although my town has an ordinance that states "If it goes up or blows up, it's illegal" this doesn't seem to matter to most people. We tend to stay home on the 4th to protect the house from fallout. Our town buts up to the Indian Reservation and those illegal fireworks, well, they do a "booming" business. They have an area near the firework stands for you to ignite your fireworks as taking them off Indian land is illegal. Some people use this area but most try to get them home. The cops sometimes sit at the exit and just stop cars as they leave and take their fireworks. This happened to my friend's husband. He had the fireworks on the seat next to him so he had to hand them over. He was coming home from his job as a fire fighter so he should have known better. He said that he would get to burn those fireworks at some point as the cops ask the firemen to destroy them for them.

So last night the bang bangs started before it even got dark. I tried to wrestle the cats into the house as they tend to freak out from loud noises. Only one came running in. As it got darker the air got thicker with smoke. My neighbors behind me started lighting off their rockets and I watched them soar towards my roof. I had to close all the windows even tho it was very warm because I couldn't breath- asthma. My lungs were very tight from the smoke. The celebration went on late into the night, we finally got some sleep.

I was up at 7:30am, kissed my hubby goodbye (he went on a bike ride). I poured a cup of coffee and went to sit on the deck. Bang bang goes the blasts! Happy 5th of July! All day long there has been sounds of sulfur, er, summer. I'm so glad my neighbors are so proud to be Americans!

I used to like setting off fireworks until I burned off all my pubic hair in a bottle rockets gone very bad scenario.

Police work can be very violent!

2009-07-01T08:15:00.000-07:00

My husband, the cop, sent me this clip. Just another monday at work.

A video for those new to our country.... just some helpful hints

2009-06-29T14:31:00.001-07:00

OMG! Joe is their idol!

2009-06-29T09:45:00.000-07:00

My daughter went to see the Jonas Brothers concert last night. They had 3rd row seats and her friend actually got to touch Joe as he passed by. My kid was over the top about this event and she said it was incredible! The tickets were $100, yes one hundred dollars. It was our present to her for finishing up middle school.

This takes me back to my youth (a long time ago in a galaxy far far away) when my friends and I would go see shows. And they were cheap, just a babysitting job away. Most were under $20, closer $10 in most cases and just a bus ride to the Seattle Center away. My older sister used to take me with her to a lot of concerts when I was about 11 or 12. With her I saw the Beach Boys, Paul Revere and the Raiders, Marilee Rush, The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band, the Monkees. When I was 13 she gave me tickets to a series of concerts, Neil Diamond, the Cowsills, Bobby Sherman. As I got older I started liking my own music and I got to see Jay Geils at the University Street Fair, we went to see Chicago, Bad Company, Yes to name a few.

Being from Seattle we were big Heart fans. We paid good money to see them open for SuperTramp. Later they became the headliners. In 1975 I saw Elton John, this was the one of the most fabulous concerts I have ever since. As I got older I saw the Who, Styx, Billy Joel (many many times). I saw Harry Chapin, Jackson Browne, Indigo Girls, REM, Moody Blues...I wish I could remember them all.

The cost of going to most live performances has exceeded my budget. I find it harder and harder to convince myself to pay these prices for a concert. But for my daughter, last night, the joy in her voice, the excitement she felt, how hoarse her voice was from screaming...it was worth every dollar.

Damn, the dam is leaking.

2009-06-25T09:22:00.000-07:00

There was a news article in the local paper about a dam that is upriver from my town about 20-30 miles. Seems like they have noticed that the dam is leaking water thru one side at an alarming rate. They don't know what they can do about it since it would cost a lot of money to repair so they are predicting flooding in the area next winter and the towns down river for this are making plans for this. WTF! If you know it is going to flood and that this will obviously cost FEMA millions of dollars in compensation to those affected, then why not just spend that money to fix the damn dam? And get this, it's an earth dam, made of rocks and dirt. And they are surprised that it is eroding. Durr!

We have 2 rivers in my town, the other river flooded last winter due to an error at the dam by the Army Corp of Engineers who let too much water out at one time. These are the same people in charge of controlling the water level in the leaking dam.

I'm so glad I don't live in the valley with 2 rivers to deal with. Oh yeah, they also have the volcano to deal with. If the mountain blows it will fill the valley with at least flash floods and mud floes.

I am very grateful that I live on top of a hill.

Politically Incorrect this might be, but it tickles me. Lighten up, I'm married to an asian and he thinks its just plain funny!

2009-06-22T21:00:00.000-07:00

Yes my son graduated, I have the gray hair and ulcers to prove it!

2009-06-14T14:22:00.000-07:00

The last week has been very hectic here at Casa O as we prepared for the miracle of Aaron graduating from High School. It was a tremendous battle, fought long and hard. I spent a good part of the final week before the big day cleaning and getting the yard in order, things I'd neglected while I was helping out Girl Scouts. I found out that it's not a good idea to weed whack in sandals. I now have pretty pink polish to coverup the blacken toe nail that got whacked by a bouncing off the wall (must be why it's called a whacker, eh?). So all week, I have been asking Aaron about his grades because as a senior, it doesn't matter that if he "needs" the class (for the credit or a requirement) he has to have a passing grade in every class the last quarter to graduate. As of tuesday he wasn't passing 2 classes. So I'm in panic mode, Aaron just keeps telling me to watch Skyward (the online grade book) and everything is fine. So I keep logging on and finally it looks good. I order the cake (only $16.99 for a half sheet at Costco with Congrats Aaron in orange and blue), buy a ton of food and drink, ask my friends to make salads and keep on deep cleaning the house. I spend $$$ on plants for the pots on my deck so we don't have to look at the dead bamboo and the thyme that has gone to seed. Everything seems nice until Friday morning when I decide to check Skyward one more time. AAARRGGGHH, the Graphic Design teacher has added a new assignment into the grade book worth 400 pts and Aaron has 0, yes ZERO! this drops his grade to F again and I start to hyperventilate. I text Aaron and about 20 minutes later he shows up at home. I ask him, WTF??? He says, Don't panic! He runs upstairs to grab something and heads back to school. He comes home again about an hour later and says everything is fine, he got 290 on the project and should be passing now. He tells me to check online, of course it's not updated and I'm not completely calm yet. He heads back to school for the senior video presentation and I keep checking online for grade updates. Just after 2pm, Aaron comes home and tells me to check now. So I do and woo hoo, he has a D+ and passes!! Before I can do high fives, he says, BTW the school just might call about an incident involving him and his BFF Susan. My stomach sinks down to the floor, I'm thinking, oh god, wtf has he done now? Well, it turns out that after the video, the seniors were to go to the football field behind the school to assemble for one last cheer for AMHS. Well Aaron and Susan decide to ditch that, instead they get in her car, drive into the bus only lanes that run next to the field and lay on the horn, cheering and waving to their astonished classmates. Someone or someones turned them in to the principal about this horrific prank they pulled. Susan's mom came home to a voice mail from the principal that she would not be walking with her class the next day, but Aaron was safe as he was only a passenger in the car. Er, durr... it was his idea! Anyway, Susan's mom managed to convince the principal that it was very harmless and that she should lighten up.

So Saturday morning arrives, the weather is suppose to be nice, I'm excited to see my son accomplish something. Aaron comes bursting into the kitchen, irate. My phone charger isn't working!! You have to go out right now and get me a new one!, he yells at me. I pretty much lost it. I dropped quite a few f-bombs about what I had or had not "got to do" that morning. He stomps off to shower and get ready. I go back to nursing my coffee and Rob chimes in with a smirk, Just how is Aaron going to pay for this new charger? I said, I will pay for it since he spent most of his salary on clothes I told him to buy so he could follow the school's requirement of dress pants, a dress shirt and tie for graduation. Rob then changes his tone to the holier than thou attitude about responsibility. I lost it and told Rob to "stop effing lecturing me!" Then at 8:50 Aaron says, Aren't you going to take me to school? I'm like, Do you think you could have mentioned this sooner? He had to be there by 9am sharp! I race into clothes and off we go only to be gridlocked outside the school parking lot as 300 parents try and get their kids to school by 9 too. The whole way there, Aaron is demanding that I get him a new charger ASAP. On the way back home I realize my morning has fallen apart, so I call Mary to commiserate. I explain that I have alienated most of my family before 9:00, we have a good laugh and she asked if everything is set for the party. I told her I had enough chairs but people were going to have to eat with their plates in their laps due to lack of tables. I go in to find that Rob and Nicole have showered. I growl out that there had better be hot water for me, or there would be hell to pay. I zip in and out, get dressed and call Brianne at 9:50 to get her dad's number as I had tickets for his group. She was surprised to hear we were about to leave for the stadium as she had wanted to carpool with us. We knew that if we waited for Brianne, Aaron would have graduated without us, so we told her we'd save them a seat. I managed to meet up with the ex, find Rob and get seated well before the crowds showed up. Unfortunately I forgot to ask Aaron what side he was sitting on so we ended up not near him but we were facing him. I start talking with the woman sitting next to me and said that I was just happy that my son made it. She asked me who my son was. She screamed with I told her. Turns out she is Susan's mom, Aaron's BFF. She just loves Aaron. Out of 300+ grad families, I lucked out and sat with someone who loves my son!! My day was looking up. I will admit that even tho they told us not to cheer when our childs name was called, almost everyone did and I gave a big whoop for Aaron. I was quite proud.

After the ceremony and goodbyes, we drop Nicole off at a birthday party, drop Rob at home to set up tables (while we were at commencement, the Table Fairy came and left us 3 more tables!! Love the friends!) and Aaron and I headed to Verizon to see about his lifeline, er, phone. Turns out not to be the charger but the phone itself, it's under warranty and 45 minutes later, he has a new phone and we head to Costco for the cake. Hate Saturday at Costco. This takes us more time than it should have for one item. Off to Safeway for ice and back home. It's now 3:30 and guests are due in half an hours. Rob and I rush around like crazies and get it all done, right before people arrive. Time for a cold one or two. Aaron graced the party until 6pm and then begged off to visit other parties. We all had a great time, I got more cheerful and stopped swearing like a long shoreman. Everyone was gone by 9pm and we slept like babies.

Nicole's 8th grade graduation will be a snap. She has her dress, I have to make the little bolero jacket but I've started that. There is no party here, she is going to one via a limo ride. Nice to have rich friends. She is getting to go to the Jonas Bros concert as her present.

I've looking forward to some quiet time starting next week.

Gotta love the weekends!

2009-06-09T11:40:00.000-07:00

My friend Mary organized a family campout with her Cub Scouts in a local state park. She ran herself ragged for days preparing. Come friday night she texts me from the park.

Sent Friday 10:24pm: ok this weekend is doomed. we might as well leave now

Sent Friday 11:48pm: well we ran all day. did not get a shower till 6:30. j took the rv and it died. jump started it many times 2 get here

Sent Friday 11:49pm: any way. steve was helping him and backed his rv into a post. wrecked his rv

Sent Friday 11:50pm: and when i finally got 2 my campsite in the dark. i fell on uneven ground and i heard something snap

Sent Friday 11:52pm: was enough 2 scare john. he wanted 2 take me 2 the er. i am sitting lying w my foot up instead. johns cot broke and he is sleeping on the floor

Sent Friday 11:52pm: the end

I sent her this: All i can say is it sucks to be you

Sent Saturday 6:34am: eh. we all have our days dont we

So I sent her this: I kinda posted your text messages on face book

Sent Saturday 7:39am: that is hilarious. i was just thinking that if i go home and my house i broken into and ransacked. then it will suck 2 b me!

On Sunday I sent her a message as I hadn't heard anything for a while: Did you die? End up in the er? Did you have any fun? Did it rain?

Sent Sunday 4:02pm: not much at the camp though the thick canopy made it pretty dry. nice group camp. lots of privacy even tho with a pack of peeps

So turns out although it rained and she was laid up, the cub scouts had fun.

I was feeling for her as we took our Girl Scouts to a beach house on the ocean this weekend, that was the nicest house I have ever stayed in. WOW!! Hardwoods, granite, stainless steel, view, flat screens. Yeah, we were roughing it!

The other shoe dropped and landed on my head and it hurt, alot!

2009-06-04T07:09:00.000-07:00

About 2 years ago, I was asked by my local Girl Scout council regional director if I would like to cover the regional office phones for a day while they all went to an all staff meeting at another location. I was happy to do this and even more happier when they said they would pay me for this. I believe I was asked because I was a volunteer leader in good standing. This filling in became more regular and soon I was asked to fill in for the office manager when she was on vacation or out sick. She was an older gal, pushing 70 and starting to make noises about retiring. Since my husband had starting making noises about me working more, I was more than happy to make myself available to the Girl Scouts and when they offered me a temp job last fall doing recruitment, I took it. This was for about 12 weeks and then I rolled back into covering the office manager for her vacation just before Christmas last year. In all I probably worked over 4 months for them all before this last bit, which was almost 2 months.

In April, the regional director called me and told me the office mgr was retiring and for a brief moment I thought she was going to ask me if I wanted the job! But no, she wanted to know if I could be the interim office manager while they posted the job publicly. I said of course. Then I said that I would like to apply for the position. She was silent for a few seconds, then she said, "but I thought you weren't looking for full time work. You understand this is full time." I told her that a couple years ago, full time was not what I would have wanted but circumstances change and I was more than able and happy to work full time. She then told me that I would have to step down from my roll as leader to my troops and any other involvement in our local service unit. That policy stated that staff could not be volunteers, that this was a "conflict of interest". This was something I had not considered and almost made me hesitate but I figured I could work something out. I later discovered that this was her policy not necessarily the policy followed by all at council. In hindsight, I think she was trying to give me a hint that I wasn't the person she envisioned in the position but I was very excited because I figured the job posting was just a formality and I was a shoe in. I'm such a sap.

So I came in a day before the gal retired, I took notes on what I knew to be gaps in my knowledge of the job and got ready to settle in. For almost 7 weeks I did the job I had hopes to be hired for. I audited the files more thoroughly than they had been done in years. I contacted over 200 volunteers to provide necessary paperwork that was outdated or missing. I cleaned file drawers and cleaned up the general area as there was 10 years of outdated materials. I went thru her computer files and deleted or updated files as needed. I taught myself how to use the council database, learning tricks and finding files to help the office run more smoothly. I fielded phone calls and covered for staff who seemed to drift on in whenever they felt like it, never keeping to the posted schedule they completed each week. Whatever I was asked to do, I did and when I had free time, I looked for ways to fill it.

After a couple of weeks, they posted the job and the applications came rolling in. There were over 150. The regional director and HR were overwhelmed and it took a while for them to sort thru and they came up with five people to interview. I was told I made the cut and would be interviewed. I thought my interview went well. I got to see all the other applicants as I greeted each one as they came in. But during the time this is going on, I was slowing losing my confidence that I was seriously being considered for this job. I heard from some of the area managers that the regional director told them she was hoping to hire someone who would want to move up into an area manager job eventually. That job pays about twice what the office manager gets and requires a college degree. Forget the fact that none of the other regional offices had ever promoted an office manager into this position. The RD knew I was not interested in an Area Manager position as I wasn't qualifed that that job. I started thinking about how taken back the RD had been when I told her I wanted the job. I was feeling less likely that I was going to hired. That my being so available and eager to work wasn't going to be the stepping stone I thought it was to land this job. I was starting to feel less like a stepping stone and more like a doormat. They went on to second interviews. It was me and 2 fresh faced gals with the ink still fresh on their college diplomas. They brought in the RD's boss from the main office and an office manager from another regional office to help with the interviews. My RD pulled me aside the day before and told me that her boss was an "all business" type of person and that I should be very serious and professional during the interview. So I was.

The next day, Tuesday, I was told that I did not get the job. My RD said the new gal would start on Thursday and that I could stay until the end of the week. I told her it would be better if I left on Wednesday. She seemed surprised at my reaction and then said, "oh, you're not in the middle of anything, right?" I had been doing a couple of things and told her I would leave notes on where I was for the new person. She told me that the decision to hire had not been hers to make completely that she was pressured by others. It was a long silent afternoon with everyone tip toeing around me.

On Wednesday, after a rough night, I went into the office. One of the area managers came in just before nine and I told her I couldn't stay. That it was just too upsetting for me. I was feeling pretty rejected. She told me that she and the other 2 area managers were pretty shocked that I wasn't hired. They felt that the RD maybe was wrong in thinking that the position would be a stepping stone to their own jobs. She told me that the RD was told by her boss to pick one of the two other gals who interviewed as that they were more dynamic in their interviews and that I had a bit too solemn and businesslike. So the RD telling me to be all business turned against me. Not just was I not the first choice, I wasn't the second choice, I was the biggest loser. This hurt.

I really don't think that the RD ever seriously considered me. That the last 2 years of me rearranging my life to cover the front desk at a moments notice was all she wanted from me. That to her I was just a volunteer that she could count on to fill in as needed and I don't think she wanted to lose that and hiring me would have left her without me to say, Jump? How high? I guess the saying, "nice guys finish last is true". I'm sure the new girl will be great, the job isn't rocket science.

I really thought I could add a lot to that job, that my years as a volunteer would have made me a better person for the position as I understand the people the office is trying to serve. But perhaps I'm wrong, that what I would have had to give up, the work I do with my girls, would have been too high a price to pay. Over and over we hear the words, "it's all about the girls". But being on the inside for a little while, showed me that sometimes, those at council forget that directive and they forget that the program can't be a success without the volunteers who work with the girls. So I'm back to being "Just a Volunteer" and it's a good place.

This will be my last post about this damn thing! I will restart my regular inane ramblings and try and resume my good humor! Maybe a couple of jello shots in the morning coffee will help!

FML Still Waiting

2009-05-28T09:10:00.000-07:00

It's now almost 6 weeks since I was asked to fill in for the job I am applying for. They are going to have 2nd interviews next week and it is between me and some young gal who looks all preppy and cheerful with her college degree still warm in the frame and finding it hard to get a job in her field so she will take this one.

Am I bitter?

I just keep coming in everyday, do the job they ask of me and try to keep a rosy outlook.

Don't wish me luck, what I need now is therapy.

The Story that never ends....

2009-05-22T07:49:00.000-07:00

It has been 5 weeks since I stepped into the job of fill-in office manager while they decide on a replacement. They are having 2nd interviews next week, mid week. I guess I should feel grateful that I am still being considered but it just makes me sad.

I have been running the office, doing whatever I can to keep things going on as normal for over a month. I contribute a lot, help out where I can. I don't think it will be enough as I guess my boss is thinking that who ever she hires might want to promote up someday to one of the salaried positions of area manager. This is not something I want or am qualified for and they know this. The fact that no one has ever promoted up from this position doesn't enter into the decision, but oh well.

Wish me luck or maybe not.

Shell Shocked

2009-05-14T17:12:00.000-07:00

My son Aaron came home from school today to find the front door open just a crack. He peered in and saw that our dining room window had been broken. He called 911 and called me at work. We had been robbed.

Aaron waited for the police to show and led them thru the house. No one was there but he could see that they had been thru some of the rooms. I called Rob who unfortunately being a cop himself could not leave work but I ran out of my temp job like a flash! I called Brianne who headed over to be with Aaron and texted Nicole to come straight home.

The police officer was dusting for prints when I got home and told me it was okay to look around to see what was missing. Aaron said they trashed my bedroom so I headed upstairs. Every drawer in the bedroom was emptied on the floor and I could see immediately that our large gun safe was gone as was one smaller safe from the closet. Curiously the smallest hand gun safe was just sitting there where they must have dropped it.

On further inspection we discovered that Rob's and my mp3 players were gone as was Nicole's ipod and camera. They took 2 broken cell phones and some foreign change that Aaron had. They took the wii but not the wii fit board, guess they got enough exercise carrying the gun safes which weighed a ton! I found all my jewelry (not that I had much) just tossed on the bedroom floor. I'm not sure what else might be missing.

The kids helped me clean up, there was glass from the window spread about 20 feet into the house. We found the rock they threw too.

There have been a lot of burglaries happening in the area lately. Is it the economy or maybe I just live in what I thought was a nice safe neighborhood, not a poor area, just comfortably middle class.

It could have been worse. Both my younger kids almost didn't go to school today as they are both nursing colds. I shudder to think what could have happened if they, especially Nicole, had been home. It could have been much worse.

Ironically I am taking my first grade Girl Scouts to tour the Police Station tonight. Some fun!

My Hiatus or why I can't walk and chew gum at the same time

2009-05-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

Sorry Readers, its been 17 days since my last blog post. I don't blog when I am stressed and I've been a bit stressed.

I have been filling in at the local GS office for about a year and a half, working mostly the office managers job. Well, she retired suddenly and my boss asked me if I would fill in while they worked at finding a replacement. I told her I would and that I would be applying for the job myself. I think this threw her. She thought I wasn't looking for a full time job because that was what I had said 1 1/2 yrs ago. Well times have changed and I need to work. My long vacation of 6 1/2 yrs is over! My hubs took a cut in pay (as did everyone at the PD) so other officers would not be laid off. Yep, even essential services like police are feeling the pinch.

They posted the job on their website and on Craigslist. They got 150 responses! This is a nonprofit org, it doesn't pay a hella lot but people need jobs. My boss is now weeding thru the resumes and starting more weeding by conducting phone interviews. All this while I am doing the job that I have applied for, which is keeping the office functioning for the rest of the staff. I've been there 2 weeks now. I feel like this is a very long interview. That everything I do now will make or break me. I got to spend one day with the old gal to try and document everything she did so I can do it. Granted, I did do a lot of these tasks during her previous absences but just the things that had to get done. There was very little documentation from her or the main office on procedures and what was available was mostly poorly done. I am able to ask other regional office mgrs about what they do, but it looks like our gal was a bit lazy in her job and didn't keep up with a lot of the work so cleaning things up is job number one.

I decided to look good by taking on the half completed file audit of volunteer files. Turns out it hadn't been purged of old no-longer volunteering files for several years. This was due in part to the poorly written instructions from some VP in the main office that no one called them on to correct. Out of about 2400 files, about 800 were redundant. None of the other regional office mgrs can figure out how to get reports from the new database program (I figured it out and let them know what to do) so they just don't do stuff! Every regional office's files are a mess. I'm out to correct this at least for this office.

I've also taken the petty cash and put it on an excel spreadsheet in a shared folder so the rest of the staff can see what we have if they need it. It was keep on a paper ledger locked in the box.

I'm starting to catalog what we have in our lending library and equipment depot and creating a database to better track where our stuff is and to ensure we don't double reserve things.

I'm working damn hard because I want this job. Even tho my boss says that as a full time employee I would need to give up my volunteer role as a troop leader to both my troops due to conflict of interest. This was troublesome to me, but I can work around this by being an involved parent, a very involved parent!

My boss is getting married June 13th and taking a couple weeks off for her honeymoon. It's a small wedding so she is not too preoccupied but she needs to do all these interviews before then. Also, she was told by main office that we need to move our office by June 30th. She is in charge of finding a new larger space that we can afford. She had 3 good possibilities take she took her boss to last week. Her boss shot them all down. So not only does she have to hire a new office mgr, she has to find a new location. The move will occur while she is gone and while an other staff person is gone. This leaves 3 staff to do the move, one of which may be a brand new clueless office mgr (my hopes is that clueless person is me!)

So wish me luck. I'm just hoping that it doesn't turn out that someone else gets hired and I get asked to train them and to also stay on to help with the move. As upsetting as this thought makes me, I will probably do it. Doormat is my middle name.

This is why guys buy soap on a rope

2009-04-16T17:53:00.000-07:00

This is an actual billboard located across the street from a local police station and jail.

More Keyword Search Results

2009-04-15T23:40:00.000-07:00

Google Analytics tells me what words were searched that brought people to my blog.
Since January 1st there have been 223 different keywords used to reach me.
Between April 2nd to April 15th, there were 97 searches about Farm Town so many people are obsessing as I was. But it is the random others that I find interesting. Here is a sampling:

50th b-day voodoo doll
chances of teens getting tapeworm from cat
cheese fetish
Chris wants only sex
I pissed txt
three girls who ate a tapeworm
what is the green stuff bleeding from a cat
what is my cat’s real name
why is my life is so shitty
god help me in business
graphic of shit
holding hands in public + lesbians
how to make a metal slide slick
I ate my mom’s shit
I turn my head to the left and I see double
if cocaine ate away your brain what would you feel like
Khols dead cat
life can be shitty
my cat ate:
A magnet
Cocaine
Me
Wire
my cat only likes the left side of my head
my cosmo girls + bondage
my life is shit kids
my mom blows me pix
Norway capital of Sweden
to feel violated
nipple middle of chest

Now many of these are pretty obvious to me how they got to my blog but I truly don't remember blogging about having a nipple in the middle of my chest or even knowing anyone who has one. I even googled it but I didn't come up with my blog nor did google have a good picture of someone with a nipple middle of chest which I would have posted here for everyone.

I think Bill Murray should get some royalities from this company ripping off this from Caddy Shack

2009-04-13T22:12:00.000-07:00

Spokane parks to detonate squirrels
By NICHOLAS K. GERANIOS
ASSOCIATED PRESS WRITER

SPOKANE, Wash. -- The Finch Arboretum is being overrun by ground squirrels, and Spokane Parks and Recreation is bringing in some special artillery.

The agency is using a special machine called the Rodenator Pro to detonate some of the estimated 100 to 150 squirrels tearing up the grounds.

Shades of Carl Spackler, the gopher-hating groundskeeper from "Caddyshack."

The Rodenator Pro pumps propane and oxygen into the tunnels of squirrels, then sends an electric spark that causes an explosion. The shock waves kill the squirrels and collapse their tunnels - but in a humane way, the agency said.

Spokanimal, which is the local animal shelter and Humane Society chapter, was caught by surprise by Monday's announcement.

"You're kidding," Director Gail Mackie said when she learned the news. "That borders on cruelty."

Mackie said she would investigate the practice.

The parks department is warning area residents that it plans to blast squirrels all week, and to not be alarmed by noises that sound like gun shots. Parks officials said police have already been called to the arboretum by people who heard the explosions.

Timing is crucial. Parks officials said they want to detonate their prey before the animals start reproducing.

Parks officials said ground squirrels have been a minor problem for years, but their population is, well, exploding.

The squirrels dig tunnels and holes that people can trip on or fall into, the agency said. They eat new tree roots, can spread disease and are spreading to neighboring yards.

Gas bombs were tried in the past, but were not effective, the agency said.

Enter the Rodenator, a product whose workings have been captured on numerous YouTube videos. The company is based in Midvale, Idaho, and promises on its Web site that its product is effective against the "saber-toothed gopher."

Here comes Peter Cottontail, hopping down the bunnytrail

2009-04-10T20:31:00.000-07:00

It's Easter this weekend and that means I have to dig out the baskets and the egg coloring supplying and we can all pretend that the Easter Bunny is coming to our house.

My kids are 13, 18 and 27 but they still like to color eggs. It becomes a competition on who can make the most interesting eggs. There is a lot of dipping and over dyeing until the perfect egg is to be had. I will boil a couple dozen eggs for this adventure. The mess is colossal but they seem to have fun, right?

On Easter morning, I will have laid out 2 baskets for the younger kids (sorry, Brianne, you and Marcus can get your own baskets, you don't live here). They will each get a chocolate bunny, some jelly beans or other egg shaped candies and Reese's Peanut Butter cups of some form. I have to carefully count out each candy so no one gets more than the other. Fair is fair, right? Of course what usually happens is that no one eats their candy, they just leave it laying around and I have to eat it just to get it out of the house.

Then we have the annual egg hunt in the back yard. Rob and I will hide the eggs while Nik and Aaron get ready. This is a competition that is cut throat. It's very important to them on who is the winner. There is no prize. Just the joy of gloating and calling their sibling a LOSER! Me?, I just want them to find all the eggs as I don't want to discover one sometime in July. Then we eat a few for breakfast, although the kids decide which eggs get to be cracked as they don't want their "special" ones touched. Gee, now we get to have eggs rot in the fridge instead. Except I will make egg salad on Monday after they go back to school.

After our egg hunt we will head to my godmother's house for an early dinner, drinking, and another egg hunt. Lots of little kids, mass chaos but unlike our early morning hunt, less blood. Then it's off to my in-laws for another dinner but no egg hunt (thank god).

I love the holidays with the family.

Get your deck ready for nice weather

2009-04-06T06:20:00.000-07:00

I'm very fortunate at my house. I have a big deck in my back yard. You can have all kinds of fun with a big deck. I think back about the parties we have had on this deck. My husband Rob is very proud of his big deck. As he should be, not everyone has as nice a deck as we do. He keeps his deck nice and clean. A man who takes care of his deck is a good man indeed!

I was thinking it was the Winter of our discontent. And it too shall pass....Spring has sprung.

2009-04-05T14:21:00.000-07:00

I never thought that spring would happen this year. We have had more snowy mornings in the past few months that I can ever remember living here in the wet side of Washington State. I don't do winter very well, face it, I'm a wimp around snow and ice. I think it's pretty and all, but what I don't like is that it is slippery as hell and I don't like to fall. Well, the falling isn't really the problem it's the landing. You'd think that all my padding would protect me, but all that fat does is make nice big colorful bruises. So woo hoo! It's now Spring!

Then I realize, everything is budding, the birds are singing and I am sneezing and wheezing. I can't breathe, my nose is either stuffy or dripping. I wake up each day and have to trowel out the corners of my eyes which are weeping from the pollen. I spent an hour in the garden today and that was all I could take. I'm going to pop a pill, suck on my inhaler and take a nap. I'll dream about how lovely my garden will be when the garden gnomes come and finish the weeding for me.

BTW, the Korean ladies outside the H-Mart gave me a packet of tissues with bible verses on them. Now God will bless me every time I blow my nose.

Norway is Not the Capital of Sweden

2009-03-23T17:30:00.000-07:00

My sister who lives in Norway, turned me onto this video that I just had to share.

Norway you Rock!!!

Good Mom, Bad Mom

2009-03-22T14:47:00.000-07:00

Good Mom: I let my daughter rent a movie on PPV last night with her friends.

Bad Mom: I didn't check the rating on the movie before hand.

Good Mom: When told it was a scary movie, I asked if they could handle it.

Bad Mom: I didn't check with other parents if this was an acceptable movie.

Good Mom: I let them stay up as long as they wanted.

Bad Mom: I let them stay up as long as they wanted.

Good Mom: I let 13 yr old daughter crawl into bed with me and hubs at 5am.

Bad Mom: I made her sleep in the middle just under the comforter.

Good Mom: I didn't tell her friends she got scared and crawled into bed with us.

Bad Mom: I made them all get up before 10am to eat Chocolate Chip Pancakes.

Good Mom: I make chocolate chip pancakes.

More Good than Bad. I think good out weighs the bad, so I'm not going to hell.

Customer Service, please God, help me!

2009-03-19T10:24:00.000-07:00

Customer Service: Bank of DumbFuck, this is Stacey. How can I help you?
Me: Hi, Stacey. I'd like to know when I can expect my new Visa debit card.
CS: Ok, I just need to ask you a few questions to verify your identity. What is your name?
Me: Christine O
CS: Thank you Christine. What is the name of your pet?
Me: Charlie
CS: That's not correct.
Me: Figaro?
CS: Try again
Me: Cleo? Panda? Jet? Jackie? Bruce?
CS: Bruce who?
Me: Bruce Lee!
CS: Correct. Now where is your account located?
Me: Washington
CS: What city?
Me: my small town?
CS: Try again? Where did you open the account
Me: Well, I was working for Bank of DumbFuck so maybe Big City?
CS: Correct. Now how can we be of service to you?
Me: I want to know when I'm getting my Visa debit card. It's been 10 days and I just want an idea of when it will get here.
CS: Your card went out in February.
Me: No, that card is disabled. I'm talking about my new card with the new number since the old one had fraud on it.
CS: I don't have a record of a new card being issued.
Me: I was told on the 7th that because of fraud I would be getting a new card with a new number in 7 to 10 days.
CS: That's 7 to 10 business days.
Me: So its coming?
CS: I don't show a record that CS ordered you a new card. There is an alert on the old card. I can remove that alert for you.
Me: No! I destroyed the cards as per CS instructions. I need new cards with new numbers. I have had fraud on that old account number, do not take the alert off.
CS: The fraud dept can not issue new cards, you would have needed to talk with CS to order a new card. Our records show that you didn't speak with CS.
Me: I did speak with CS. I called this very same number and they told me they would issue me a new number and new cards.
CS: Our records show that you didn't speak with CS.
Me: Fine! But if I didn't speak with CS, how come I knew that it would take 7 to 10 days for a new card?
CS: That's 7 to 10 BUSINESS DAYS, Ms O.
Me: (ha!, I'm no longer Christine but Ms O.) That's Mrs O.
CS: Excuse me?
Me: Okay, let's just back up. I need new debit cards.
CS: I can issue replacement cards that will arrive in 7 to 10 business days.
Me: With a new number, right?
CS: If that is what you want.
Me: Well considering that someone in India has the old number I guess that would be the smart thing to do then, eh? Can you expedite this? As it really is CS's fault that it's been 10 days and I still don't have my new cards.
CS: We are unable to expedite this. It will be 7 to 10 business days. And for security reasons, each card will be sent separately.
Me: But if each card has the same number and one doesn't arrive, then won't you have to cancel both cards?
CS: That's correct.
Me: So why send them separately?
CS: For security reasons.
Me: Whatever!
CS: So Christine, is there anything else I can help you with?
Me: (so it's back to BFF and first names) No Stacey, you have been helpful enough.
CS: Thank you for banking with Bank of DumbFuck.

Wardrobe Malfunction or Weapons of Mass Destruction?

2009-03-18T11:36:00.000-07:00

I went to the dentist for a cleaning today (I have no cavities and I got stars for all my flossing. Thanks for asking) and while I'm laying feet up, blood draining to my brain, I feel something funny going on with my boobs. Now before you think the dentist, who is a babe for a 50 yr old guy, is having his way, the answer to that is no. I look up (since I've got my feet up, my boobs are up not down) and I see what looks like a third nipple pushing out of the middle of my chest. I slide my hand under that paper towel with the alligator clips that is protecting me from blood spatters and feel around. It's the underwire of my bra. It has popped it's casing and working it's way outward. I push it back down, but now it just looks like I'm fondling myself and it won't go back in, in fact, it's sticking out more. I'm sure the hygienist was wondering WTF. So I told her. "My girls are escaping! They have broken free of their restraints and are going to take over the world." Somehow she managed to finish cleaning my teeth while my new tit pushed further out. By now it looks more like a tiny penis that is pointing west. I finish up and consider trying to repair things in the restroom, but I'm not equipped to handle things here. I don't want to pull the wire all the way out, as then I will have one nice perky boob and one hanging to my knees. So I just pull my sweater over the growing appendage and make my way to the car. Once safely home, I repaired things and the girls are safe back in their place.

Remember, it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye!

Learning to live within your means....

2009-03-17T10:56:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I spent the day with a hundred 8th graders at Junior Achievements Finance Park. The kids all got a scenario. Their age, yearly income, married or not, kids or no kids. They then had to create a budget. Then they had to make choices, like what kind of car, how big a house, how much to save, etc. All within a certain net pay. Sounds like real life, eh?

Some of the kids were on the high end of things. Large salary, no money sucking kids. Those that were unmarried, really had it made. One kid in my group was on the low end of things. He was making about $3,000 less a month than all of this friends. As his buddies were talking about the Porsche or Lexus they were going to buy, he said, "I'll probably get to buy a 10 yr old Buick." These kids were really cracking me up. One of my daughter's friend was indignant that they didn't list feminine protection on the shopping list. One of the boys suggested buying the paper towels and wadding them up.

Some of these kids took it very seriously. One girl who is known for being the religious police for all things Mormon by reminding her friends to stay on the straight and narrow. No caffeine, no dating non Mormon boys, etc. She told another girl that she had better plan on tithing 10% to the church, that her budget better reflect that. Well, she didn't because she wanted that Disneyland vacations more.

I had a great time working with these teens and the other adult volunteers. Did the kids learn anything, god only knows. I think they were just excited to get away from class for the day!

And I thought my thighs were huge. Another WTF moment

2009-03-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

The YouTube explanation states: Really weird poodle exercise video for humans. This is a mesmerizing and frightening video. It's a word-for-word parody of Susan Powter's first workout video, featuring poodles and a crazy poodle-woman. Absolutely surreal. It was made by Nagi Noda for Panasonic. It was part of 10 films they made for the 2004 Athens Olympics.

Bleeding Green Blood

2009-03-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

This is the final weekend of Girl Scout cookie sales in my area. The economy has taken a hit and so sales are slow. It also doesn't help that my 8th grade girls are not overly motivated to sell. They are more concerned about who might see them selling and label them as uncool then about the great activities we do with the funds. They want to travel to Disneyland or Walt Disney World but the rate we are going we might be able to so to the local zoo. We will have enough for at least a campout, lasor tag and some other fun things. They are great girls and I love being with them.

I also have 1st graders. These girls are damn cute but this is their first year and they are shy so they haven't been the over achievers I thought they would be. Still they raises about $700 and we are going to have some great times. We are going to Pioneer Farm, the zoo, the aquarium, the police station (ok thats free). I'm also going to take them and my cadettes to a local chocolate factory. If we ever stop having winter, I'd like to take them to the beach for low tide and a picnic. First graders are much easier to amuse and it's cheaper too.

Three weeks ago, I had 2100 boxes of cookies in my house. We now have 200 left, 100 of these will be going to Operation Cookie Drop which distributes cookies to our active military all over the globe. Now if my girls can't sell the last 100 boxes, well, I guess this will be snack for our meetings from now on. I'm tired of cookies. I'm ready for funner stuff

As if the world wasn't dangerous enough. Damn, more shit to worry about.

2009-03-12T09:12:00.000-07:00

So I was trolling the internet and came across this website that asks the question: What are your chances of getting a tapeworm? Now being fat the thought of a tapeworm has not crossed my mind..okay, maybe once or twice. Having the ability to eat and have something else get fat might be okay but the whole worm thing makes me want to vomit (that brings up bulimia but I'm not going there either)

So anyway, there is a quiz. I took it and here are my results. I'm kind of scared now or maybe excited.

I saw an episode of House were the good doctor pulls a 25 foot tape worm out of some woman. Holy shit!

Happy B-Day Barbie and Tats to you!

2009-03-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

Today is Barbie's 50th birthday. She looks pretty good for an old broad. Those breasts are still as perky as even. And since she never had kids, she still has that impossible to believe waistline. And her legs go on forever. No fallen arches, she can still strut her stuff in mile high heels!

Now to celebrate her big 50 she now has tattoos. She comes with 40 mini tattoos that can be placed anywhere on her luscious bod. And what could be better? There is also a tattoo gun that applies removable tats to your budding little crack ho-lettes. Move over Bratz, those cute little prostitots, here comes Barbie with a butterfly on her ass! There are those wondering what is next? Totally Pierced Barbie? I think we did that as kids, as I remember sticking pins in my dolls but I think we were going more for voodoo dolls and not a fashion statement.

Mattel said the new tattooed Barbie, priced online at around $20 and up, was selling better than expected.

Fraud! I feel violated....

2009-03-07T15:50:00.000-08:00

I'm an ex banker and hubs is a cop. So we try to be extra careful when it comes to our identity and our banking information. We use the debit card at grocery stores but tend to pay cash when we eat out because of skimmers. So imagine my surprise today when the fraud dept calls my house. Actually I was skeptical, hung up on the automated call and called my bank directly. They didn't see anything and I just figured I was part of a phishing expedition. Then later that day I tried to use my card in the ATM. DENIED!!

I came home and called the bank again. This time they put me thru to the fraud dept. They asked me a bunch of questions about my recent purchases. Thankfully they didn't ask what I bought at the pharmacy, just if I had gone there. Then they came to a charge from Kingfisher Airlines made at 1am while I was gently sleeping amid my plethora of cats.

So some bastard in India has my debit card number and took a $85 flight. Of course my husband is sure that this is all my fault. That I must have let someone skim my card. This is the same account he uses, but he is sure I'm just shouting out my number over a PA system or something.

So I had to cancel my card, which is my access to cash! And it will take about 10 days before the new card with the new number shows up. So I'm back to writing checks or going to the bank or my favorite, transferring money to my son's account and asking him to make a withdrawal and bring me cash.

For those who don't know what skimming is: Skimming is the theft of credit card information used in an otherwise legitimate transaction. It is typically an "inside job" by a dishonest employee of a legitimate merchant. The thief can procure a victim’s credit card number using basic methods such as photocopying receipts or more advanced methods such as using a small electronic device (skimmer) to swipe and store hundreds of victim’s credit card numbers. Common scenarios for skimming are restaurants or bars where the skimmer has possession of the victim's credit card out of their immediate view. The thief may also use a small keypad to unobtrusively transcribe the 3 or 4 digit Card Security Code which is not present on the magnetic strip.
Or what phishing is: phishing is the criminally fraudulent process of attempting to acquire sensitive information such as usernames, passwords and credit card details by masquerading as a trustworthy entity in an electronic communication.

Show me the nuggets before showing the money

2009-03-04T13:23:00.000-08:00

While my wonderful Girl Scouts are peddling their ~~brand of crack~~ cookies. Others are finding it hard to get their fix:

Woman Calls 911 After McDonald's Runs Out Of Nuggets
Fort Pierce Woman Cited For Misusing 911 Emergency Communications System

FORT PIERCE, Fla. - According to the report, Goodman called 911 three times Saturday to report that a McDonald's employee wasn't giving her a refund for the chicken nuggets she wanted.

When police arrived, Goodman said she purchased a 10-piece chicken McNuggets meal, received her change and then was told McDonald's had run out of McNuggets. Goodman said she tried to get a refund, but the cashier told her it was against store policy and that all sales are final.
"The manager just took my money and won't give me my money back, trying to make me get something off the menu that I don't want," Goodman said in one of the 911 calls. "I ordered chicken nuggets. They don't have chicken nuggets, and so I told her, 'Just give me my money back,' and she tells me I have to pick something else off the menu. She is not going to give me my money back, and she don't have the right to take my money."

According to the report, after police told Goodman the incident was not an emergency, Goodman replied, "This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one. This is an emergency."

Goodman told WPBF News 25 that she didn't "have a right to jump across the counter and snatch" the money, so she chose to handle it another way. Goodman said it wasn't so much about the nuggets as it was the money. "When you feel that you've been mistreated or misused or robbed out of your money, you have the right to call 911," Goodman said. "That's the purpose of 911, so I thought."

Goodman said she'll continue to go to McDonald's, but she also said she'd order with a little more caution next time. "I'm not going and just giving up my money like that, no, but I'm going to ask them would they please check and see if they have what I want on the menu, and if they tell me yes, then I will order," she said.

This is why my cop husband will never be out of a job..

Coincidence or Conspiracy?

2009-03-03T16:12:00.000-08:00

The world has hit a new low. The economy is so tanked that our local Sam's Club and the mall in which it is located has denied Girl Scouts access to peddle their cookies in front of their store. I think it is a conspiracy led by the Kebbler Elves and Dolly Madison.

Also Girl Scouts have been used as pawns in a local counterfeiting scheme. I think it is Bernie Madoff's newest attempt at recovering funds.

BUY MORE COOKIES!

This is not a public service announcement and no animals were harmed in the making of this blog post

2009-03-03T09:03:00.000-08:00

I thought I'd pass on a video of a product that will astound you. I can't actually do a product review on this as I haven't tried to prostitute my blog for cash and free things and damned if I'm going to buy something. But if companies want to send me things free with no strings attached, I might write something about it or not! Of course that would mean that companies would have to be reading my blog which is highly unlikely as only 11 people read this and 4 of them are being blackmailed to make comments.

Disclaimer: Not made with real chamois. I didn't want to get your goat.

I remember Mama

2009-03-02T15:19:00.000-08:00

Today is my mother's birthday. She would have been 80 today but she died almost 10 years ago. Here are some of the things I remember about my mom:

My mother was a housewife from the 50's. When I was very little she always wore dresses. I remember her coming outside and skipping rope with us in a dress. In 1964 I was 6, she and my grandmother were talking about things and my mother mentioned that this pregnancy was really tough on her. My grandmother shushed her to not say the word pregnant in front of me. For years I thought pregnant was a swear word. I remember playing in our back yard with my friends when the back door was wrenched open and a flaming frying pan came sailing out and landed near where we were playing. My friends were frightened but I just nonchalantly said, Oh my mom is cooking dinner. She wasn't a very good cook.

When I was a teenager my mother took me aside and said we should have the "sex" talk. I asked her what did she want to know? She figured she'd waited a bit too long. Once I went to JCPenneys with her when she needed to buy a jock strap for my brother. The clerk asked her how big he was. My mom cups her hand and says about this size. I told her the clerk was looking for his waist measurement.

Mom subscribed to magazines and other publications. When she started telling us that the Russians were controlling the weather, we cancelled her subscription to Weekly World News. She figured since it was printed in black and white it was actual real news. Mom loved to shop. QVC was one of her favorites. She liked to buy 2 of things. She would keep one and give the other away. Usually I was the lucky winner. I have more crap I will never use stuffed in my cupboards. Once she bought everyone in the family the Ronco Food Dehydrator. This I actually still use.

Mom was generous and loving. She would give you the shirt off her back. She was a pain in the ass a lot and everyday I become more and more like her. And that's ok. I miss you Mom.

Can you get detention for cursing the Principal's wife?

2009-02-27T22:52:00.000-08:00

I made costumes for my daughter's school play, 3 of 6 bird girl dresses for Suessical the Musical. I had a week to do this and I got it done. It was an awful pattern, awful fabric, missing instructions but I got it done. Someone else was doing the other 3 costumes.

So this other someone doing bird girl outfits (who just happens to be the Principal's wife), gets her supplies the same day as me. It's now been 2 weeks since she got them. The drama teacher is upset as he wanted them a week ago. It's now almost the weekend and she is going away. So she calls me and asks me if I can finish what she started. Of course, I say, because I'm a team player and the show must go on. She drops by and gives me what she has. She has cut the fabric out. And sewn a few darts. That's it, almost 2 weeks and she did something that I got done in about 20 minutes. And she also put a huge scorch mark on the back of one. It also turns out she cut one out too small and she hopes I can fix it, maybe put some panels in or something. Oh yeah, and can I get this done by Monday?

So I spent many hours sewing today. I went back to the fabric store to get more fabric for the ruined outfit. Today is also the first day of 2 weeks of Girl Scout cookie sales. So when I'm not at the grocery store with Girl Scouts peddling cookies, I will be cursing this woman who bailed on the costumes.

Fat Tuesday

2009-02-24T08:59:00.000-08:00

So today is Mardi Gras or Fat Tuesday. Apparently this is a big celebration in some parts of our great country, mainly the south. Here in wet, wet Washington, I had heard about a celebration in Seattle one year where someone got shot in Pioneer Square on Fat Tuesday, so I guess us northerners just aren't into playing nice together. Maybe because it's still too cold for all the drunken gals to show off their titties. And if drunken guys don't get their titty fix, then all hell breaks out.

So I decided to figure out what Fat Tuesday was because around here it's Fat Monday, Fat Tuesday, Fat Wednesday, etc well, Fat everyday. Somehow I figured out it wasn't a celebration of the size of my ass. So I went to one of my favorite sources for information. The Urban Dictionary. Here are the definitions:

1. Fat Tuesday: English for Mardi Gras (like duh, I knew that)

2. Fat Tuesday: Spending a Tuesday eating fatty food and watching movies. The founders of this day are Dan Williamson and Jonathan Chen of the United Kingdom. Experts say that a Fat Tuesday once in a while is actually healthy for you.

3. Fat Tuesday: Friday and Saturday used to be considered the best day of the week but now Domino's Pizza is offering two single pizza toppings for just $5.99

Their definition for Mardi Gras:

1. Mardi Gras: is French for "Fat Tuesday" Originally created in Mobile, Alabama but now made into amazing shit by New Orleans, Louisiana. Although Mardi Gras Day is the big day of celebration it is the days, or should we say nights, that are really celebrated. Random hookups, exposures of oneself, and complete and total memory loss and lack of judgement occur on these wonderful nights.

2. Mardi Gras: literally "fat Tuesday"; a festival day ending a period of celebration and excess; usually occurs mid to late February, sometimes early March. Immediately followed by Ash Wednesday and Lent. Traditional Mardi Gras celebrations are held in Mobile, AL and New Orleans, LA

3. Mardi Gras: french for 'fat tuesday', a sort of parade where women flash their boobies and drunken people throw beads at them, etctera.

There were many many more definitions out there. Too many for here.

So what have we learned here? That Fat Tuesday is a religious holiday that lets you let loose, get drunk, flash boobs and get cheap jewelry. Sounds a lot like Valentines Day around our house.

*In celebration of Mardi Gras, I had my Girl Scouts make masks. Lots of glitter, glue, rhinestones, sequins and feathers. The girls loved it, but I wonder what the parents were thinking?

Cookie Crazy

2009-02-22T21:07:00.000-08:00

It's Girl Scout Cookie time in my area and I'm not only a leader to 2 troops (8 first graders and 8 eighth graders), I'm the cookie mom for both the troops. I don't mind doing it, as I'm so anal that I like being in control of the cookies.

Right now there are over 1100 boxes of cookies that my troops need to sell before March 15. This is in addition to the 1000 boxes they presold by taking orders.

So my public announcement is to support your local youth groups by buying a box or 2 of Girl Scout Cookies, Campfire Mints, Popcorn from Boy Scouts, etc. Bringing these programs to our communities is done mostly by volunteers. So think twice and help out.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!! You know you want some!

Biggest Love

2009-02-19T09:45:00.000-08:00

Damn HBO. I have really been thinking about cutting down on my cable package as there is never anything on most of the bizillion channels anyway but I'm too wrapped up in Big Love.

This week they added a 4th wife and instead of adding value to their lives, its just a big competition and wife backstabbing. I love it. I think we should have some extra wives around my house. We could have the cleaning wife, the cooking wife, the laundry wife, and then me. I could do the stuff I liked, like gardening and sewing and other creative things. I might not be down with the whole sharing the sex thing though.

Anyway, Bill, the husband, has all these woman who are all vying for his attention, all these kids, 3 mortgages, a failing business and in-laws from hell. All in the name of religion. I think instead of adding more wives, they need to add more husbands. Bill won't be having to take Viagra so he can be the sex machine they all expect. He'll have someone to help take kids to the Daddy/Kid events. He can have a friend to hang out with at the golf course. Maybe a little love interest between the guys too!

I'm going to email my story idea to HBO.

Where's the beef?

2009-02-16T08:09:00.000-08:00

My son decided to become a vegetarian. He calls me up and says he isn't eating meat anymore and then gives me a list of items he wants me to have around the house. Of course I'm astounded. This is the kid that as soon as breakfast hit the table he would pounce on the bacon plate and ask how many piece did he get. This was the scale that he would use to rate a successful meal, if he got enough bacon. So I did what any mom would do, I asked if his boyfriend was a vegetarian. I also said that just because someone only eats french fries, it does not make them a vegetarian. He rolls his eyes (yes, I can tell over the phone when one of my family rolls their eyes at me). I tell him that I will give him some money and he can buy a vegetarian starter kit at the store. He comes home with Quorn Chckn Nuggets and Tofurkey. He's got lunch and dinner covered as I always have fruit and vegetables on hand.

I'm ok with his choice, hey, I even made sure he has vitamins so I can be sure he is getting the right stuff. But what I don't like is the fact that the stuff he is eating is fake meat. It seem kind of hypocritical to eat products that resemble what you are giving up. But then I figured I put non dairy creamer in my coffee because I'm a bit lactose intolerant, so there you go. So Aaron eats his fungus nuggets (I haven't told him what quorn is and I don't think he looked into it) and I have the pleasure of making his sandwich with the Tofurkey, or as I call it faux turkey or tofunky. The stuff feels and smells nasty. For god's sake, have a cheese sandwich. When ever I handle the stuff I have to immediately wash my hands with hot hot water. It's kind of like the reaction I have when I get canned cat food on my hand when feeding the cats. EWWW GROSS. Anyway, he is eating meatless and it costs me a fortune as this stuff is expensive.

Last night he called me from Dallas while visiting his dad. He is informing me that he is giving up milk. That it just grosses him out now and he can no longer drink something that is like pus squeezed from a cow's breast. He continued to rant on and on but I missed part of it as I was dishing up ice cream. So I said, "What about ice cream?" He was silent for a moment. Then he said, "there's always Tofutti"

Happy VD

2009-02-13T10:01:00.000-08:00

Have a Happy Valentines Day!

Increasing my vocabulary so can appear younger and cooler

2009-02-11T09:35:00.000-08:00

I frequently troll the Urban Dictionary so I can keep up with modern slangisms. Face it, I'm a middle aged mother who is struggling to communicate with her kids. Of course if I actually used any of the words my kids use, they would roll their eyes and tell me to "stop! stop right now!" But I also like to scroll thru UD and find words that tickle my fanny.

Carcolepsy: a condition affecting buddies on a trip who fall asleep as soon as the car starts moving, providing no company or driving help. This is me. I am a car sleeper. I once slept from Washington State to New Jersey. Of course I had mono at the time.

Bedgasm: A feeling of complete and utter euphoria which peaks when climbing into bed at the end of a long day, a long road trip or hours of extremely strenuous physical activity. Under perfect conditions, the physical release has been likened to that of an intense sexual experience. Our new bed is bliss. We can't wait to get into it every night.

Kitchenheimers: When you're in the kitchen going around in circles because you can't remember what you were doing there. C'mom, we all do this, duh!

Destinesia: When you get to where you were intending to go, you forget why you were going there in the first place. See above!

Snow hysteria: When the populace's fear of a snowstorm creates traffic jams and general panic way before any flakes even fall. Usually turns out to be a totally disproportionate response to a minor snowstorm. I live near Seattle, we don't do well with snow. We have whole news casts devoted to the "possibility" of snow. We are shut down by 1 inch of snow.

Mis-wave: To return a wave to someone you think is waving at you, but is actually waving to the person behind you. Usually results in embarrassment and introversion. Of course, as I age and my eye sight fails, I'm doing the opposite also and not waving when I know someone and am now considered unfriendly bitch.

Moneymoon: The time after your purchase of a good or service and before 'buyer's remorse' happens. Do you want me to name off all the crap I own that I just "had to have"?

So there are a few new words I'd love to be able to use in real life but I'm never that quick on the uptake to respond accordingly but I'll think of it later.

New word: Misrepartee: All those witty and clever remarks you think of later after the conversation is over. I submitted it to UD, I'll see if it gets posted!

update: DENIED!!

From: info@urbandictionary.com
Sent: Wed 2/11/09 11:24 AM
Thanks for your definition of Misrepartee! Editors reviewed your entry and have decided to not publish it.

Hairy as a Yeti

2009-02-09T12:36:00.000-08:00

As I was showering this morning I noticed that I have bangs on my knees. I'm not saying that I don't shave my legs very often, but I do tend to neglect it during the winter for the added warmth it gives me.

I have always been on the light side of body hair. Blondish or very light brown and it's not very thick. Even my hair on my lady bits, although dark, it's sparse, silky and straight. The only curly hair I have is that damn odd spot on the left side of my head. Excess body hair has never been a big issue for me. Even the bikini area (like I'd ever be in a bikini but you know the part I mean, inner thighs!) doesn't have hair. This could be because my thighs rub together and have worn off any. Ok then menopause hit and face it, I'm not the same woman I once was. WTF, where or where did all this hair come from? And the rate of return? I'd like to see this on my investment account! So I've got bangs on my knees, pointy chin hairs, my hair on my head seems to be growing at record speeds which means my roots need touching up every week! (not that I do it every week, but it needs it)

So this is the trade off, I look like Chewbacca but no mood swings or visits from Aunt Flo.

Started out as a Tribute to Valentines Day, became more of a Tirade about Bicycling

2009-02-09T08:43:00.000-08:00

Valentines Day is coming up. My husband and I will be home alone all weekend. Nicole is going on a Girl Scout retreat and Aaron will be in Texas visiting his father. Sounds like a recipe for romance? Maybe...

First off, Rob will spend the whole weekend biking. He will drive 40 miles to bike 60. Seems confusing but he rides with a bike club so this is a social thing. Why don't I ride with him? HA! Rob has specialized bikes. Road bikes, mountain bikes, recumbent bikes. He has loads of gear. Special shoes, spandex galore, helmet covers, a rear view mirror that attaches to his glasses. He spends hours on the bike, hours on the internet looking at bikes and gear. Hours cleaning and tuning his bikes. He has more bikes than anyone else I know. What do I have? A helmet, my old stretch pants so my pant leg won't get caught in the chain, a really cool bell and the best comfort bike on the planet. The saddle is the size of a tractor seat and the coolest thing on my bike is that I can stop and put my feet on the ground for balance without falling over. I love my bike. Rob put a computer on it so I can see how ~~slow~~ fast I am going and how ~~few~~ many miles I have put on. So maybe if it's nice (because I don't bike when it's pissing down rain like some people) we will cruise around the neighborhood. Rob will do this little ride with me because he is nice, even tho I know he is itching for the wind in his face and to feel the burn of climbing steep hills.

Oh yeah, Valentines Day, we will probably cook dinner ourselves and Rob will chose to make something that is very complicated and very spicy that will cause him to perfume the air under the covers all night long. Ain't love grand?

Rob's Favorite Road Bike

My Cute Comfort Bike

Nicole's House Tour or Nix Cool Pix

2009-02-06T13:59:00.000-08:00

Nicole did a photo essay of our house for the hell of it. Most of Nik's pics are those of herself.

The chill chest

The family room AKA the bike barn

Tidy bowl woman

Living room as viewed from under the coffee table

Nik's closet

Mom's sewing room

Toilet's eyeview of the bathtub

Nicole playing Barbies in the Playroom

Psst...I need a fix

2009-02-04T13:57:00.000-08:00

I went to the ~~crack~~ yarn store today. Yarn is like crack cocaine to me. I see it, I gotta have it, I need it, my palms get sweaty, I want my next fix. I'm addicted to it. I'm a junkie. Unfortunately I can't afford what I like most of the time and so I don't get to feed my habit enough. I'm trying something new. I don't buy unless I have a project actually in mind and not just because I want it. I was good today and didn't buy any but I've got a jones for it and I'll be back. I love the textures and the content. Wool and soybean. Silk and bamboo. Cashmere. I love the fun accent yarns. I feel kinda sick that I didn't come home with a baggie full.

Here is a picture of my purse that I made. Not everyone's style but I like it.

What Chris Wants

2009-02-01T14:07:00.000-08:00

I saw a blog the other day that said to go out and google your first name and "needs". I tried that but there is a Chris Needs person out there and I didn't like the results. So I changed the directive to "Chris wants" because, face it, I want a lot of things. I figure who better knows what I want than the all mighty oracle "Google" So here are some of my "wants":

Chris wants boobs - Actually, I'd like perkier boobs, age and gravity have taken their toll

Chris wants flowers NOW! - Say it with Flowers, hint hint.

Chris wants to Battle - Frankly I don't like to fight but a little wii competition, maybe

Chris wants your questions - Go ahead, ask away. If I don't know the answer, I promise to make up something good.

Chris wants out - Help me, I'm stuck cleaning house

Chris wants my kiss kiss - Kiss kiss my what what?

Chris wants to become a singer - American Idol, here I come. I can't carry a tune in a fish.

Chris wants to change her name - to Matilda

Chris wants you to call for help - and send over the Maid Brigade

Chris wants more of the same - Maid service once a week?? Yes!

Chris wants to find the perfect outfit - I need to find the perfect body first.

Chris wants to adopt like Brangelina - Just shoot me now.

Chris wants Empress crowns, not porcelain to metal - I'm thankful I have my own teeth. All bought and paid for.

Chris wants to build thinking machines to do some of our thinking for us - Duh, isn't that what my computer is doing right now?

Chris wants to plunder the wreckage - Plunder sounds like pirates, argh!

Chris wants to secure the border and enforce existing immigration law - I just want to remember to close the gate and keep the neighbor's dog out of my yard.

Chris wants to have sex with cousin - Excuse me, I have my own teeth and don't live in Arkansas, ewww!

Chris wants to make a documentary film - About what?

Chris wants to highlight the importance of looking after the world for future generations - This might make a good documentary film subject

Chris wants to eat the chocolate easter egg that's upstairs - Sorry, I love chocolate but I have my limits. Any easter eggs upstairs are too too old to eat. Now the Christmas candy...

Chris wants to start acting more serious - What?!? and cause everyone to drop dead?

Chris wants a portable cassette play for Christmas - To go with the Sony Betamax in the garage!! oh goody!

Chris wants to contribute something positive and loving to the world - Well, that surely isn't this blog, eh?

My Son the Fashionista

2009-01-31T20:05:00.000-08:00

My gay son went clothes shopping because just everything was so not right. He got 2 pairs of very straight legged jeans and I asked him why he got that kind. Didn't they have any gay legged jeans? I got the eye roll (I'm so glad the eye roll is not just a hetero thing, as I'd miss it if one of my kids stopped using it). The jeans were too long and he asked if I could shorten them but he was concerned that it would look "gay" if I just cut them off and hemmed them. I said, I thought "gay" was a good thing. It seems the term gay can mean good or bad. Just like once bad, could mean good or bad. I'm so confused. Anyway I got so excited as I know how to cut the hem off and reattach it so the ratty looking hem looks like its been there always. He says, That's it, that's what I want. He asked how I knew to do this. From Queer Eye for the Straight Guy show, but I figure I could work it as Straight Eye for the Queer Guy. I got a head shack and an eye roll.

This morning he showed me his newest purchase. A hoodie with no sleeves. He was wearing it without another shirt underneath. It was a minty green. I said, Aaron, that's great! You look so gay. He said, I'm going to wear something under it. He comes back later to show me his new look. He's got a blue and white wide striped hooded shirt under the sleeveless hoodie. I told him he reminded me of Gordon MacRae in Carousel. He said, huh? I said, you look like a carnie, you know those guys who work the rides at the fair. He walked away shaking his head, rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath.

I'm getting so hip with today's gay fashions. Was Gordon MacRae gay? He sure dressed it.

Some Like It Hot, Others Incendiary

2009-01-30T13:55:00.000-08:00

Rob and I went shopping today to buy ingredients for his culinary endeavour today of Chili. As far as I know he has never made chili before. He must have been surfing around FoodNetwork.com and found Alton Brown's chili recipe. So after taking inventory to see what we had and had not, we headed out this morning. But first we went to IKEA as it was free breakfast day and we are all for free. Of course we run into half the police force there getting free breakfast as they always know where free or cheap food is.

So off we go and look for the stuff we need. Rob starts yanking dried chili's off the shelf like it's no tomorrow and laments because we can find one of the recommended peppers from the list. Lamb was too spendy so we got beef and pork only. At home I cut up the meat while he prepares the spices. Rob enjoys anything that has hot peppers in it. Into the crockpot and Rob heads off for a nap as he was out counting homeless people all night.

So now I'm in charge of stirring this every so often. When I take the lid off and the steam hits me, I start to feel like my skin is peeling off. I think it's going to be a little hot.

Shopping for Unmentionables

2009-01-29T21:05:00.000-08:00

I went bra shopping with my 13 year old daughter tonight. She is still at that age that it's kind of embarrassing to shop for these. She is a bit self conscious about rifling through the racks and just wants me to hand her a bunch over the fitting room door to try on. So I pick out some really bright colored ones, some stripes, polka dots, flowers and a basic black. I'm no longer allowed in the room nor do I get to see how they look or fit. She gets a couple of colorful bras and the basic black convertible bra. "Oh goody", she says, "I get a black convertible"

I need my windows cleaned, badly

2009-01-29T08:50:00.000-08:00

Growing up with metal swingsets and yard darts

2009-01-26T20:17:00.000-08:00

I went to the Performing Arts Center the other night and saw the funniest show. It was called the Wonder Bread Years with Pat Hazel. I wanted to add the youtube vid on this but I'm unable to embed it. The url is http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZjVIpPrGbM0

If you get the chance to see this one man show down memory lane, please go. It was so funny, especially if you were born in the 50's-60's. He talked about how the wonder of life changes as you grow up. About family vacations to see things like 4 corners and the Corn Palace. Riding in the back of the station wagon and not in the seats.

I think about the things we did that my kids don't. We had metal swing sets (and the scars on our foreheads to prove it), my kids had this wooden structure with plastic coated chains and wood shaving to catch their fall. They wear helmets while biking and skating, we use to ride no hands down from Phinney Ave to 8th Ave, shooting thru intersections with just a glance to see if there was a car, sans helmets. We woke up every morning with school or play, that was our day. Now kids have more activities and have to keep a date book to know where they go next. My mother didn't drive, if we wanted to go somewhere we walked, rode our bikes, or took the bus. Now we drive them everywhere for their safety. Speaking of safety, they throw nerf balls, we shot bb's and threw yard darts.

Remember Yard Darts? Those lethal projectiles with a 4 inch long point at the end. You had a hoop on the ground that you lobed these at. Your friend would stand by the hoop and yell about your aim never thinking that they could take one in the eye at any moment.

My dad built us monkey bars. He took old pipes and made this maze of bars that we climbed, swing from, built forts with blankets with. We have for our kids that wooden swing set with a club house with moulded plastic walls and a plastic slide. No amount of waxed paper will get that slide as slick as the old metal ones. We could make the metal ones so slippery you would go shooting off at rocket speeds. And remember burning the backs of your legs when it was so hot?

During the summer, we constructed our own slip and slides with a plastic sheet and the hose. We would leave after breakfast, mom would call out the back door for us to come home for lunch and dinner. We would stay out until the street lights came on, but sometimes we could stay out late for a night game of hide and seek with a whole gang of kids from the neighborhood.

It was a different era. Damn, I sound like an old fart...yeah, yeah, I am!

Issues with Tissues

2009-01-26T15:04:00.000-08:00

Toilet paper rolls are so annoying. At home, no one ever finishes the roll. They leave 2 little squares left for the next person and unless Panda the Hamster is squatting over the bowl, there ain't nobody here who thinks that is going to cut it.

And so change the roll! If there is none under the sink, go check the other 2 bathrooms in the house. Still no toilet paper, then tell me. I can pick some up or I might have a hidden stash somewhere.

I hate having to pee while out and about. What gets me are those industrial size rolls of toilet paper in a public restroom. When the roll is new and you have to try and find the start? I swear I need to find the glue they use to stick down that first sheet. I have spent way too much time, bent over with my hand at an awkward angle, trying to get that first sheet started. That is the strongest glue known to man. I could hang siding with that glue. After scratching ineffectively for sometime, I finally resort to tearing into the roll with my nails and coming away with bits of fluff that, while doing the job, they will bits and pieces that scare the crap (figuratively) by looking like maggots in your panties later.

And how you hang it matters apparently, as I found out from these directions. And what was with the brown scratchy stuff I came across in the airport at Amsterdam? Ouch!

* dedicated to Michael at Do you hate it too, who lots of issues with tissues.

O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree

2009-01-23T14:41:00.001-08:00

Our Christmas tree has been down and boxed since New Years Day. It's in the hall, it's not in the garage. It's been bugging me.

I decided to put it to good use as a display table for my cranberry glass. How much nicer is this?

*Jan 26 update, tree is in loft in garage, repeat, tree is in loft in garage. Sarcastic remarks worked.

Dedicated to one of my favorite Cats

2009-01-22T21:32:00.001-08:00

Cat over at Zipbag of Bones is using her blog as her creative outlet for the most suspenseful bit of writing I've seen in a while. She is very modest about her writing skills but she is creeping me out. Now I'm not sure why a few posts back she wanted a kitten. Perhaps she has some sick plans for it? What do her and Gray get up to?

She is very amusing and I love her sense of humor. So stop on over to visit her and don't forget to read the second installment of her Creative Writing.

If I wasn't such a lame blogger, I'd figure out a cool award to give her. I have to figure that code out sometime.

Wake Up Call

2009-01-21T21:10:00.000-08:00

For some insane reason, I have 3 cats. I am allergic to these cats, but hey, you can get used to anything, right? Most of the time, the cats and I live in harmony. I spend a good part of my day feeding them, letting them into the house, letting them out of the house, letting them into... Well you get the picture.

They pay me back for my love and dedication with little things. Like hanging from the curtains, tearing up the carpet, shitting in Nicole's hat, making a gigantic hole in my love seat. But sometimes they are warm and affectionate.

Cleo and Charlie like to sleep on my bed. I don't like them to do this, but Rob has let them do this so often it is now what they expect to do. Our bed is barely big enough for the 2 of us much less 2 cats that like to lay in the exact spot you want to keep your feet.

I've tried tossing them out but they scratch and meow and tear up the carpet until I think my head will explode trying to ignore them until they go away. Sometimes I throw them outside into the night but it's cold and I'm not completely heartless.

Something happened at 4am this morning. Maybe Rob or I moved and disturbed one of them or maybe Charlie was being the alpha cat again but there was a cat fight on our bed. Complete with growls, hisses, scratching and biting. Rob and I woke up terrified sure that blood would be shed (namely ours). We both flip on the lights and by now the cats are looking at us like "what?" This was much worse than when the cats would fight in the box spring.

I tossed their furry little asses outside and settled back to bed. 10 minutes later, Fig starts scratching at the door, then meowing, then tearing the carpet. He ended up sleeping on my chest.

As We Look Forward

2009-01-20T09:32:00.000-08:00

Dairy Opportunities: Cheese is our friend

2009-01-18T14:20:00.000-08:00

Do you ever think about cheese? Daughter Nicole and I think about cheese alot. We like to try new cheeses, try new cheese recipes, or just enjoy a piece of cheese.

When you think about it, it's pretty disgusting. Made from milk is good, but the curdling with bacteria from the stomach of a cow. It's too grim to dwell on. And the fact that some of the best cheese is riddled with mold. Any other food, we would tossing that gross piece of shit out, but not our cheese. Emm, love the stinky cheese.

We don't venture out too far as cheeses go on our regular purchases because some cheese is very expensive. It's hard to justify paying lots of money for mold and bacteria so we stick to our favorite mostly - Tillamook Cheddar. I buy the big loaf and we have at it. We slice it, we shred it, we melt it. Even Figaro the Cat loves the cheddar. He will stand under the Kitchen Aid mixer with the grater attachment whirling away hoping for a curl or two to drop down for him. (I usually give him a bite or two.)

I grate a huge container full, as freshly grated is so much better than the packaged grated stuff that has additives to keep it from sticking together...ewww. This way we have it for taco's, chips, salads, soups, etc. But our all time favorite use for this heavenly stuff is on our popcorn. I make popcorn on the stove (none of that crap for the microwave, please!) and as soon as it hits the bowl, we sprinkled a bit of melted butter, a bit of salt and the freshly grated cheddar. Toss and eat. We look for Dairy Opportunities where ever we can!

Hey, a way to waste some more time

2009-01-17T22:48:00.000-08:00

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Chris

2. YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) Chrizzle

3.YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: :(fav color & fav animal) Green Cow

4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street) Ida Street (er, its a number, like that's gonna work!)

5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of mom's maiden name) Onichstr

6. YOUR SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink) Green Mike's

7. YOUR WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (Mother's middle name and father's middle name ) Laureen Mayer

8. YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one your pets) Black Figaro

9. YOUR DRINK NAME: (FAV. FRUIT AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF MOM FIRST NAME AND FIRST 3 LETTERS OF DAD FIRST NAME) Watermelon Helwin

*courtesy of Well Behaved Women Rarely Make History

Freedom from Religion

2009-01-17T22:00:00.000-08:00

I'm all for freedom of religion. I think everyone should be able to believe or not if they want. I think this freedom is very important to our country. Please feel free to glory in your beliefs but please god, don't come knocking at my door after dark when we are having a rash of burglaries in my neighborhood.

Every few weeks, a duet of neatly dressed young men come a knocking at my door wanting to save me from my sins or something. Every time I ask them to go away and please don't come back. Put me on your "do not knock" list. But still they come.

Once when my sister was visiting from Norway, she answered my door for me and spoke to the nice young men in Norwegian and broken English. I could barely contain myself as she sent them on their way. For about 2 years they stayed away. They're BACK!

Of course there is another out there lurking in the bushes. They are the Church of Vinyl Windows. They want to save me too.

PDA's and the Magic of 3

2009-01-16T14:06:00.000-08:00

Nicole and a friend were complaining about PDA's (Public Displays of Affection). There are 3 seventh grade girls who are professed lesbians and walk around holding hands. Yes, a middle school gay menage a trois.

Nicole and friend didn't think the lesbian thing was odd or the threesome, it was the public display of affection that they thought was over the top. They went on and on about how they don't think people should be seen holding hands or god forbid, kissing.

When I was 13 I would have been grossed out about the lesbian thing and freaked by the threesome! Times, they are a changin'.

The Bar Scene

2009-01-15T10:26:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting at my temp job, gazing out the window at the bar across the street. The name of the bar is the Spot Tavern. And since this is the bar my hubby and I had our first date at, it brings to mind that special "spot" I have that makes me all tingly. Not that "spot", my funny bone!

So I started to think about some of the other bars in the area and their names:

Pounders: It's not but wouldn't that make a good name for a gay bar?

Back Door Pub: Again, wouldn't that be good for a gay bar?

Yardarm Pub: It's just got to be a pirate bar. I'm going to find my eye patch and peg leg and head over. ARGH!

Doofer Bar: Hey, even idiots need a place to drink.

Stumbling Monk: I have visions of tonsured men in robes.

Pied Piper: A bunch of rats, drinking beer, playing poker and smoking.

Whammy Bar: A sleezy version of the Hard Rock Cafe.

Locker Room Tavern: Guys in boxers snapping towels at each other.

Flotation Device Pub: Since we've had so much flooding recently, this bar is for hardcores who don't want to stop drinking even though the river is swirling around their knees.

Shotze Rack and Roll: Sitting amidst the deer heads on the walls, these mighty hunters roll their own, while discussing how big their decks are.

Textitude, Why Moms Get Pissed Off

2009-01-13T10:15:00.001-08:00

I've got two teenagers. Their favorite form of communication is text messaging. Nicole does about 5,000 texts a month. Aaron is a bit less. Aaron is a bit older and has learned that talking to someone can get a quicker response. Nicole loves to be able to "talk" with 6 people at once. Nicole turns her phone off during the school day (ok, this is the rule at middle school, but she seems to be texting me during these hours somehow). I don't text much and I don't have my phone permanently attached to my hand so I miss alot of their communications if I haven't checked my purse recently.

I was talking with Nikki and some of her friends the other day and they were complaining that their moms were all over them about their attitude. That their mom was reading to much into their text responses and getting all "up there" or some such term that I have no idea what it means. Thank god for the Urban Dictionary.

I ask these girls, who text each other nonstop, even when they are sitting next to each other, what they text that piss their moms off. It's too much slang or texting shorthand, you know those acronyms that you can never figure out. Like OMDB, which I figure means Open Many Dogs Butts, but Nikki says means, Over My Dead Body. I said, "maybe because we can't translate WTF you are trying to say. " I explained that there could be multiple definitions for each shortcut. And then there is the emoticons! ;p Trying to figure that out makes us drool or leaves us shocked :-0

But the biggest problem all the mothers had was the one word response:

WHATEVER

That one word has so much attitude. It seeps of attitude. Just because we can't see you roll your eyes when you text this, doesn't mean we are stupid.

Horrorscopes

2009-01-12T14:11:00.000-08:00

I don't hold much faith in the cosmos (unless we are talking the drink or the magazine), but occasionally I will read the one in my local paper just out of curiosity. Yeah yeah, true believers don't go by the newspaper crap either but this is my story!

I'm a Capricorn and today's horoscope said: Don't let anyone who is ill experienced control your resources no matter how much the person means to you.
Now I control the money in our family and I trust myself completely so this must be referring to my family jewels. Now the only one allowed access to those is my hubby, so I cruise on over to his horoscope and this is what it says:

Scorpio: It might be just wishful thinking to believe a new tactic is more innovative. Give it a test run before discarding anything you've been using that works. So here is my worry. Is he going to try spicing things up with something new that is going to make me run screaming from the bedroom, shouting, "take that leather mask off, you freak" (he knows I'm the only one who gets to wear that!) or will I say, "move your head honey, I can't see the TV"?

More than likely this is not about something so fun but mine would be about my son who wishes he was in charge of my resources, my cash resources. He checks the pockets of all the coats in house (even when we have guests) and the sofa cushions, the washer, the dryer and inside my car for spare change. And I'm guessing Rob's is really about some new biking technique that will bring him ever closer to the Tour de France.

Maybe I should try tea leaf readings...

Rodents Of Unusual Size - R.O.U.S.

2009-01-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows we have 3 cats but I've never mentioned our dirty little secret we keep hidden in an upstairs room in the dark. Yes, we have a hamster*.

Nicole's friend's 2 male hamsters* had babies. Yes, they were told they were 2 boys but they were wrong!! So they quickly separated the mom and babies from dad and went about the process of offering up cute cuddly rodents to all her friends. Nicole begged and begged. Of course we said yes. We always say yes, because we are idiots, er, indulgent parents. We tracked down the old fish tank/lizard tank/snake tank and set up a nice little home.

Soon the babies were able to leave the nest and venture forth to their new homes. Nicole thought the spots on her cutie were reminiscent of those giant rodents of China hence the name Panda. Panda was so adorable, with his/her twitchy nose and fluffiness. (We can't tell the sex, I tried to check but unless the animal is hung like a horse, I feel trying to check closer is a violation and I could be arrested for bestiality.) So I will just refer to Panda as he. Panda had a water bottle, a food dish, a house, chew blocks, an exercise wheel, and a basket with a cute pillow. Panda ignored the chew blocks and destroyed the basket and pillow. The top of the tank is made of wire mesh to let air in. Nicole thought the lid was heavy enough on its own to keep Panda in.

One day Panda escaped. He climbed his water bottle, pushed the lid off and scampered away. When you live with 3 cats, a loose rodent in the house is in grave danger. Nicole was in a panic. I figured if he was a smart hamster, he would hid in her room. Nicole lives in the attic. Her room is an add on done by unprofessionals and is probably not up to code. It is the space above the garage and laundry room and around the edges its not quite finished. Meaning you can see right down into these spaces. If he fell down there, well, good luck to him!

But as luck would have it, Nicole is trying to slumber in her bed when she hears noises in the storage closet that runs the length of her room. She sees him hiding in there by shining a flashlight and his eyes glow back. Nik makes a trail of yogurt chips (yes they made special yogurt chips for hamsters*.) and he comes out, safe and sound. The next day, I got clips for the tank lid.

Now Panda has been around for a couple of years now. He is no longer in Nicole's room because he was keeping her up at night racing in his wheel. We put him in the guest room for a while, but when we had guests, they were kept up by his constant spinning. So now Panda resides in my sewing/craft room (this makes it a sewing/craft/animal sanctuary room, I guess). Nicole is no longer interested in cuddles with Panda. She feeds him, waters him and cleans his tank. I spend time chatting with him when I'm sewing or crafting but mostly he is alone, spinning at night, sleeping all day.

One day Nicole announced that she wants a hedgehog. That she has researched them and will save her money to buy one (expensive rodents!). I said no way are you going to get another rodent. She says, "What if Panda dies?" I said, "No, not even if the autopsy says it was natural causes." So I'm a bad mom. Then last week, Aaron tells me that his boyfriend's mom is going to give him a present. A teacup pomeranian puppy. She is going to breed her dog and since she loves my son, she is going to give him a gift.

The cats will eat it. We will have to get another fish tank to keep it in for safety!

You have to admit, they are damn cute.

* this post edited to correct the identification of the rodent from guinea pig to hamster as moron who wrote the post can't tell the difference

2009-01-10T12:07:00.000-08:00

Blowing off the Snow

2009-01-07T10:04:00.000-08:00

During the next heavy snow fall, there is an economical way to keep that roof clean of all that heavy snow.

My 100th Post

2009-01-07T08:50:00.000-08:00

So this is my 100 blog post. So here are 100 very random things about me.

My first words were moo and cow
My shoe size is 11
I studied 3 foreign languages and remember none of them
I am tone deaf
I taught myself to sew at 13
I had a reading problem until 3rd grade
I have been married twice
I don't like coconut
The taste of Dr Pepper makes me gag
I usually sneeze more than 3 times before stopping
I can't snap my fingers
I can wiggle my eyebrows one at a time
I don't actually have any eyebrows
I pencil in eyebrows on my face
I have 3 cats at this time
As a small child I used to fill my pockets with worms to freak my mother out
I was once stung by a hornet on my crotch
My little fingers are really short
My big toes are REALLY big
I have yellow green eyes
My hair is curly on the left side only
I hit a tree inner tubing while pregnant
I have 3 kids
A neighbor's cat once gave birth in my lap
Our dog gave birth to 3 puppies in my bed while I slept
I broke my foot by stepping wrong on one stair
I stood in the rain with a broken foot to see President Carter's plane land at Boeing Field
I saw Elton John in concert in 1975
I have never gambled in a casino
I didn't get my driver's license until I was 20
I use to own my own bowling bag and bowling shoes
I never got to be an angel in the nativity at church as a child even tho I asked to be one every year
I didn't learn to swim until I was 13
I get anxiety attacks when I think about boating
I once rode in a police car going 95 miles an hour
I have never been arrested
I have been bonded for $1.5 million
I found my first gray hair the day I found out I was pregnant with my oldest
I have 2 stamps in my passport, both are from Amsterdam
I used to attend professional wrestling events
I went to the final game of the 1977 World Series game in NY
I love pirates
I went to the World Fair in 1962
By the time I was 6, all my grand parents had passed away
I was a school paste eater
I failed at learning to play the guitar (tone deaf issue)
I once knitted 30 hats in 30 days
I am a Girl Scout Leader to 2 troops
I slipped on a banana slug, fell on it and slid down a hill. The slime never came out of my jeans
A hamster bit my finger and it's teeth went thru my skin and back out
I've had nerve damage on my finger
I hitch hiked only once when I was 15
I desecrated the altar at a local catholic church
Riding Amtrak from Baltimore to NYC, I had to sit on my suitcase in the aisle the whole way
I got stuck in an old fashioned elevator with a gate and had to climb up and out while very inebriated
I like to put grated cheddar cheese on my popcorn
I held a snake while it got an injection
I think nuts ruin chocolate
I have voted in 9 presidential elections
2008 was the first year my candidate won
I moved 21 times in 12 years during my first marriage
I moved once since marrying Rob
I was born in Seattle
I moved twice to New Jersey
I have driven across the US, coast to coast 7 times
I lived in Portland Oregon in 1987
I went to Ballard High School Class of '76
I attended my 10th, 20th and 30th HS reunions
My current favorite movie is Hairspray
My mp3 player has 232 songs on it
About 40 of these are songs I allowed my husband to add
I was married the first time 12 years
I was happy only about 6 of those years
I drive a Toyota Sienna Minivan
My favorite color is currently green, it used to be red
I do the crossword and sudoku in the newspaper everyday
I like trying new ethnic restaurants
I do not like going to trendy chain restaurants except Red Robin
My favorite drink is Gin and Tonic
I like camping in a tent
I own 15 marshmallow toasting forks
My backyard lawn is mostly moss
I like it when my cats kill mice and rats
I like visiting the ocean in winter
I read everyday, I usually have 2 books I am reading at any one time
My sewing machine cost more than both my son's and daughter's first cars together cost
I love shows about home improvement
I have no interior decorating sense whatsoever
I am a "crafty" person, papercrafts, needlework, beading, polymer clay, I like to try new things
My sister almost drowned me when I was 4
My father died on my 20th birthday, I was just 4 hours engaged
I can't roller or ice skate
I am scared of climbing more than 2 steps on a step ladder
I only enjoy the audition episodes on American Idol
I used to own Sony Betamax and could never rent movies until I got a VHS tape player
I suck at video games
I have flat feet
I have visited the Corn Palace in Mitchel, SD
I liked to dress like a Nun and take my daughter out Trick or Treating while drinking hot buttered rums
I count my blessings everyday and am amazed how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people in my life

If you got to the end without dozing off, good for you! It took me 2 days to write this. Thank god this blogging milestone is over. I'll try not to bore you again and not do something that I thought was expected from a blogger.

I've lost it

2009-01-06T08:24:00.000-08:00

At one time (I can't remember when now, which is part of the problem) I was queen of the house. I knew where everything was. I could find anything. Part of this was logic and part was a fantastic memory. Everyone came to Mom when they couldn't find something and I would magically produce what they were searching for.

When I was younger, I was great at card games. I could remember what cards were played or discarded like in Rummy, Crazy Eights, Uno, etc. It got so no one wanted to play with me. I also was very good at Trivial Pursuit because I would remember the most random things. Now I can't remember if I fed the cats this morning. Ok, I can remember that but the cats would like me to forget it and feed them again.

But what bugs me is that I can't remember where I put things anymore. This not to be confused with "safe places". This is just like where I set down my glasses kind of thing. It's like a huge version of "I came into this room for something, but can't remember what" syndrome. I'm a visualization person. In my minds eye, I see my world. I see where things are, what has to be done, what things should look like. Lately it's like everything is in my peripheral vision, just on the edge and if I turn my head sharply I might glimpse it. So that's what I've been doing but I'm just getting whiplash! I tried writing down things on a to-do list or a where did I put that list, but I can't remember where I left my note pad. That reminds me that I can't find my purse size date calendar. It still has 7 months left on it and I remember taking it out of my purse to make room for other important things and put it in a "safe place" (those damn safe places again!)

In truth, I know what my problem is, it's organization. So although it's Jan 6th (better late than never?), I am now making a resolution to be more organized. To make some sense of the chaos of my life. I'll get started as soon as I find my damn note pad.

Back to School!

2009-01-05T09:27:00.000-08:00

Last night it started snowing and it was really coming down. I drove a couple of miles away to pick up my daughter and realized how slick it was. There were several cars stuck or in the ditch. I was a bit shaken by the time I got to our friends' house and was nervous about the drive home. But what really had me on edge was how this was going to affect getting those kids back to school the next morning.

I get home and check my emails for news from Mayor Pete who likes to keep us all up to date on how the weather is affecting our fair city. I also checked to see if the school district had made any decisions on starting late or closing. The news was like - oh, it will be gone by morning.

It wasn't gone by morning but it wasn't bad. When Rob got up, I turned on the news and found out schools were just one hour late! Yeah they are going back! Rob rode his bike down the hill to the train so I got to sleep in (HEY! I would have happily taken him to the train, as I hate having to scrape his prone body off the pavement but he loves those bikes!)

So the kids are at school, hubby is safe at work. It's me and the cats, a cup of coffee and the house a mess with still some Christmas stuff to put away and the general disorder that having Nicole home for over 2 weeks causes (and me not keeping on top of it as I'm having fun with the her). Nicole leaves a trail where ever she goes. Aaron is neat and is hardly home.

Purple Chicken

2009-01-03T20:43:00.000-08:00

We had purple chicken for dinner tonight.

Rob likes to cook on the weekends and try new things. We have been bitching about the amount of alcohol we have in the house, not the lack there of, but the over whelming amount still left over from the Wedding of the Century. I know, I know, there is no such thing as too much booze, right? Well, we are not that big of drinkers! Yes it is hard to believe, especially if you were at my birthday party last January and saw the state I was in but in reality we are just normally goofy and don't require booze to make it so.

We have a bunch of wine leftover, red and white. I'm sure there are other more technical names for the type of wines they are but we are not connoisseurs so fuck off. I don't mind a glass of white but I haven't developed a taste for many reds. Ya ya ya, red wine is suppose to be good for you, blah blah blah. I drink things that are good for me. There is a wedge of lime in my Gin and Tonic. Lime is good for you, prevents scurvy. And gin is made from juniper berries and technically that is a vegetable or maybe it's a fruit, either way, its yummy and healthy, right?

So Rob asks me what should he make this weekend. I thought Coq au Vin or drunken chicken. Rob shops for all the ingredients, as all we had was wine. It's a 2 day recipe according to the God of Cooking, as Rob calls Alton Brown. I had to make room in the fridge for this poor bird to soak in a red wine bath. Then today it had to stew in the oven for hours. I have to say the smell was not appealing and Nicole and I were wondering if we had any chips and salsa leftover for a back up dinner.

Rob slaved away and strained and reduced and voila! Dinner was served. It was excellent. Did not taste like nasty red wine but was a blend of flavors and the chicken was oh so tender. Nicole and I gave it 2 thumbs up!

I'm going to start calling Rob, Julia Child. Maybe tomorrow he will make croissants. (don't even go there, I have made croissants and not the one's from the pillbury dough boy either, and you have to start a day ahead of time. The french must be cooking all the time, who has time to eat!)

December Keyword Searches

2009-01-02T23:41:00.000-08:00

Here are some of my favorite keyword searches from Google Analytics that brought people to my blog.

brain kelly - I'm thinking someone can't spell and was looking for Brian Kelly the actor?

brainmoss.com - I checked, there isn't a website, they got me instead. Reading my blog will give you brain moss, I'm sure.

can a cat have a health problem when they want to lay on the heater vents? - If this was true, then all my cats are sick. Cats get cold too, duh!

can cats have miracle whip- the answer is yes, but they have a problem with the jar, get the squeeze version.

cats ate eyes - I want to know what these people did to have eyes lying around.

every other life house shit - I'm figuring this was a direct link to my blog?

how can mice get into the blower area of a furnace - mice can get anywhere. Beware the hantavirus!!

how to shoplift at ross - It was easy, they did it for me. I tried to pay for it, they just bagged it!

how to stop cats walking over my car - stop parking under the cats!

is it ok to go tubing in the snow if you are pregnant? - yes, just don't hit a tree!

my cosmo girls + bondage - more perverts making random visits.

pick up artist unemployed - Was this an inquiry for a personal ad?

pickup artist for kids - Same as above, but for pedophiles?

picture of cats real brain - They got my blog, because cats don't have real brains!

shit graphic - I write graphic shit, I don't post photos of it!!

shit on a stick and call it my life - Should I post a Suicide Hotline number?

smelling womens underwear - more perverts came to call

walking round in my undies - Don't we all do this?

when this shit get in my brain - I hope I helped this person, they visited eleven times!

Facebook?!?

2009-01-01T11:06:00.000-08:00

What is the big deal with Facebook? Lots of people told me I needed to be on Facebook. So I signed up. Somehow it went thru my address book and offered me the opportunity to be "friends" with anyone who I have in my contacts. Oh joy! I did send a request to be friends to a few people. I also got a random request from some loser that I did not know.

Now that I'm there, I don't see the point. So far, people have thrown snow balls at me (WTF?), poked me (more WTF) and it asks me what I'd doing right now and thinks I need to post it...Chris is being a mouse potato, duh! or some such nonsense.

I did put my blog address on my profile. Now, according to Google Analytics, people are coming to my blog and lurking around. No one new has commented and I got weirded out by not knowing who is watching me. I went back to Facebook and checked more into Privacy settings and now feel more secure that only friends can see my information. It's hard being a virgin.

I'm not sure I'll keep my Facebook page. It's kind of pointless as I'm not trying to network for a new job or find new friends. I much prefer lurking around blogs and peeking in at strangers lives without really knowing much reality about them. It's like dating, you can pretend to be anything you want, you just don't want anyone to move in and find out about the real you.

Countdown Post

2008-12-31T14:20:00.000-08:00

Since it's expected I will do a short recrap, er, recap of the year.

Started great, I turned 50, had a fab party, got very drunk and still kept my friends.

Took 6 teens to Seaside Oregon for the weekend and managed to bring them all back. Great girls only time.

Spent countless hours on the internet trying to find the deals of the century so the wedding of the century would not bankrupt us.

Succeeded in pulling off the afore mentioned wedding and am only slightly bankrupt, so had to find a job.

Found the perfect job with Girl Scouts. Got paid for having fun. Unfortunately it was only temporary.

Last kid turned into a teenager. Middle kid got license, turned 18, voted in his first election and came out. Oldest kid got married.

Hubby turned 50 and made it thru the year with only a broken finger this year (knock on wood, we have a few hours left).

Got smacked in the economic stomach, like everyone else, but we are doing fine although still slightly bankrupt from the wedding.

Had a white Christmas and lived to tell about.

Did not loose, kill, maim or adopt any more cats.

My twin?

2008-12-31T09:34:00.000-08:00

I think I must fashion my hair style after Eddie Izzard. Although he dresses fancier than I do. Maybe I need to change the color and we could be twins.

Pictures of My Friends

2008-12-30T22:08:00.001-08:00

I like to keep busy.

I like to create things.

I really like polymer clay.

Bad Hair Day

2008-12-30T11:23:00.000-08:00

I hate my hair. Not just today but most every day. I'm getting it cut later today which is good but it never makes me really happy. Most people I know are unhappy with their hair. It's either too straight, too curly, the color is drab, there is too much gray, the list goes on. We spend a fortune on hair products. Shampoo, conditioners, gels, hairspray, coloring products, clips, bands, rollers, blowers, straighteners, etc.

I have been coloring my hair since 1992. I have been coloring it the same color always except for a weak moment when I tried a different brand and the result was most unfortunate. So now I stick with what I know and like. Right now my roots are showing....a lot! It seems that I have more gray than brown hairs now. A few years ago, I was complaining about the gray hairs and my son who was about 7 told me that I didn't have any gray hairs. I said, I have tons of them! Look at all the white on my head. He said, White hairs!?! yes, you have loads of white hairs just not any gray ones. So after my hair cut I will color again as I'm not quite ready to go natural. Some women look so great but I think I just look old. So not for me. Right now I look like a skunk with my whitish stripe down the part and my snow white temples. If it was sunny, I'm sure the glare off my silver streak could signal planes.

But the gray is easy to fix, my hair is not. I wear it short because it gives me some control over it. You see, the left side of my hair is curly and the top, back and right side is straight. It has my hair stylist baffled and me annoyed. I spend each day with the gel and spray, taming the curl off one side while trying to put some wave in the other to balance things out. It's a battle that I don't always win.

Now don't get me started on my cow lick. Its at the nape and all my kids have it too. Gotta love genetics.